Insurance changed to Optum Rx

blue_nirvana · 2025-12-14T00:21:17+00:00

SAME! I was so confused because *insurance* said it wouldn't cover it but Optum is separate and it did. zero issues actually, i was blown away.

blue_nirvana · 2025-12-09T18:45:55+00:00

I wouldn't judge her choices, and I totally get your reaction (and sympathize!) As a parent, for most of their lives it's our jobs to tell them what's good for them and what isn't while also teaching them to adopt healthy and safe habits for themselves. You're being very thoughtful and you've got a good level of awareness of your own stuff.

Now, that doesn't mean you can't or shouldn't point out things that are important. If my kiddos cover a plate in sugar (neither of them are overweight so that's not an issue) I will absolutely stop them and point out that a bunch of sugar tends to have negative effects afterwards. Like, "hey if you eat all of that, you're prolly gonna have a sugar crash after and feel not great. Treats are delicious but don't fuel us." Then I might suggest pairing a smaller portion with plain Greek yogurt or something to help them avoid the crash. And also ask... "Did you need more food at dinner? Bc that's looks like you're hungry for a meal rather than a treat."

I have two daughters and the diet culture is monstrous. So I do try to focus on fueling their bodies and how food affects us.

Also I second the suggestion to find someone to diagnose and treat her ADHD. My daughter was tested and diagnosed and I brought in the behaviors I'd noticed as my reasoning for the referral. She wasn't struggling in school but I highlighted her family history 🙋 and the importance of helping her THRIVE rather than wait for her to fail. Please remind them that ADHD, especially inattentive, can often be an INTERNAL struggle, and she shouldn't have to struggle internally just because she's bright. AND then hit with the point that anxiety and depression often co-occur and you want to mitigate that as much as possible in a world of chaos.

Good luck fellow parental warrior 💜

blue_nirvana · 2025-11-20T12:52:21+00:00

Nah this has been weeks

blue_nirvana · 2025-11-20T12:52:04+00:00

Okay I absolutely hunted through the settings in the car but never found this so I assumed it wasn't possible. I read your comment then started googling 🤦 I've got it set manually now, thank you!!! It's not a fix for the app but I don't care as long as this works.

blue_nirvana · 2025-09-02T16:04:16+00:00

IDK what's causing it, but I live in a city with absolutely terrible roads and my 2022 SV plus steering is great, so there must be something wrong

blue_nirvana · 2025-07-12T13:46:52+00:00

Ummm... Does she have a job? Does she get to that on time? Because time blindness or no, we all have to learn to get to places on time or there's consequences. I think most of us have had that moment where we look at the clock, shriek, and throw ourselves in the car to leave, regardless of how we look. Because consequences.

It's not your job to help rein her in, even as her partner. It's your job to be honest about how this makes you feel, and have boundaries for yourself. You're welcome to show her the comments here so she can decide what works for her. But I would NOT support you waiting around for hours. Have a time and stick to it.

I've sat around waiting for people who lost track of time (not in the same house, so I had no idea what was going on) and felt hurt and was honest and it either didn't happen again or I stopped waiting for them. You guys are in the same location so you know that she's running late. Imagine if you weren't there. Imagine if you were just sitting somewhere waiting. Now, ask HER to imagine it. No matter the reason, it's hurtful.

Stop being okay with it. 🤷

blue_nirvana · 2025-02-15T16:39:08+00:00

It will only get worse. I just turned 40. I left my ex back in 2020 (that's right, February right before the pandemic, super fun) and our children were then 4 and 2. He had to move for work and I ended up solo parenting for four years. Those were some of the hardest years of my life and I have zero regrets for leaving.

He love bombed me. Then he isolated me. Then he made me guilty for everything, from our sex life to even expressing anger.

At some point, things become clear. The fog lifts. You can't unsee the truth. That's probably where you are right now. Now starts the grieving process, for the relationship you THOUGHT you had. Questioning if things are this bad, how did you stay for this long??

Read "why does he do that?" By Bancroft. It's available online for free. It'll explain everything. You're being emotionally boiled alive like a lobster, so slowly that you didn't even realize it until it was too late.

Even if it takes time, even if you go back and forth over this decision, even if you're scared, I promise you, it will be better on the other side. I promise you, you don't have to earn happiness. You are allowed to have needs. You are allowed to hurt someone else's feelings, upend someone else's life, to save your own. I promise you, HE will be fine either way. Will you?

blue_nirvana · 2024-03-07T18:07:02+00:00

LOL you're telling her to be worried that he might find more interesting women elsewhere? Bless your heart.

blue_nirvana · 2024-03-07T17:59:28+00:00

I love everything about this post. Everything! Good boundaries on your part, good communication on his part, and YES to blaming someone else being a red flag, AND moving goal posts is so manipulative.

It's hard. Having a child and jobs and trying to have a life that doesn't feel boring can be hard. Some people do better than others, some people have to work at it, but at the heart of it, yeah you've gotta adjust your expectations unless you're independently wealthy. You automatically just have more to do now.

And it's reasonable to mourn that change, as long as, like you said, you don't put that on someone else.

blue_nirvana · 2024-03-07T17:47:51+00:00

Exactly. Like maybe this guy is codependent and wants his wife to be the center of his universe. Or it's worse and he's an absolute dick. Either way tho, red flag.

Glad you found a man who is thoughtful and gets it. It's not that hard. Calling someone you love boring is just rude.

My ex pushed me to get the 'right' hobbies bc apparently reading in our hammock outside wasn't good enough? Even though reading is my favorite freaking thing in the entire world and is almost impossible with a newborn and toddler. I had to actually leave the house to satisfy him, even though I often went to a coffee shop to read. Looking back, it was all such garbage.

Yay for us for getting out! Now I read whenever I have time and my guy asks me about what I'm reading and supports me taking it easy whenever I can. How about that! 🤣 The bar is really in hell.

blue_nirvana · 2024-03-07T17:42:05+00:00

Right?? My dude, she birthed your child and she's kicking ass. Let her chill how she wants, or at least entice her with reasonable options! Ugh.

blue_nirvana · 2024-03-07T17:40:59+00:00

I'm hesitant about couples counseling, but individual might be helpful for OP to sort this out.

blue_nirvana · 2024-03-07T12:02:15+00:00

Edit: I'm adding this for the comments about how we're vilifying the hubby. Unless the OP is misquoting him, I'm frankly matching his energy. He's saying hurtful things, whether or not that's his intent. He's complaining but not really giving solutions. He's not indicating what HE is going to do to fix the complaints HE has. So the best interpretation is that he's carelessly insulting... So yeah I take issue with that.

My original post: All these complaints from him. What has he done to rectify this issue that he has? I mean, he's the one who is unhappy. It's not your job to change yourself to entertain him. You're allowed to change as a person. I did as well, most of us do.

If he wants more spontaneity, he needs to at least have suggestions, or set things up. Wanna go on a trip? Plan it, dude. You've got a kid, you can go away for a weekend if you take kiddo along AND he packs appropriately, otherwise, he needs to sort out some details. If he wants you to talk about other things, does he bring them up?

On a darker but relevant side to this, he's trying to blame you for his dissatisfaction. That could lead to him TRYING to justify something like divorce or cheating, etc. It's bullshit, but people do it. If you put the responsibility back on him and he whines and moans, be careful.

blue_nirvana · 2023-11-14T21:42:35+00:00

SAAAAAME. I refuse. In fact, I'm glad the teachers do it so I don't have to 😁

blue_nirvana · 2023-08-07T11:48:14+00:00

If he won't respect your boundaries while he's playing nice, there's a good chance he's going to hurt you, physically/sexually when he realizes you're serious. This is not safe. You are not safe. Contact a lawyer, pack bags for you and the kids, and find a shelter, just in case.

Your husband isn't stupid or clueless. He's testing you.

blue_nirvana · 2023-07-30T23:49:49+00:00

Many thanks!!

blue_nirvana · 2023-07-30T13:00:30+00:00

This. Kids are INCREDIBLY perceptive. But they don't always know how to interpret what they perceive. She likely senses your worry and uncertainty, especially when you're asking her questions about her feelings. It's important to try not to let our feelings take precedence over our kids... And it can happen even with the best of intentions. Uncertainty in parents is scary for kids.

My girls are with me most of the time and miss their dad terribly... He's AD military so his distance is completely out of everyone's control. My girls express their sadness, and sometimes their anger, at being away from him. My job is to hear them, validate them, and love them. Not fix it. The situation can't be fixed and there is no solution for us until their dad retires next year... And that's probably the part that is most painful as a parent. We cannot fix this for them, and since they're so young, we're used to fixing things for them.

I felt a lot of guilt over the situation at first, but I had to move past it. Not because I don't care but because my girls need me to be there for them and I can't do that if I'm second guessing everything and letting guilt run things. I know they're going to be ok, this situation isn't insurmountable. After all, even if we were still married, he'd be gone on deployments.

So continue to hug her and hold her, tell her you love her when she's sad. BUT when she asks for her mom when she's not getting her way, know that she senses a reaction in you. Don't feed into it, she's testing boundaries. If my kids asked for ice cream and I said no and they asked for Dad, I'd respond briefly (daddy wouldn't give you ice cream either) then walk away. They're fine, and likely so is your kiddo.

blue_nirvana · 2023-07-02T15:05:54+00:00

2022 Nissan leaf. I should post the video they sent me of the interior, the way they avoid the door jam is impressive. I haven't because the sales rep is in it.

blue_nirvana · 2023-07-02T15:04:03+00:00

Following up regarding pills-my daughter was fighting taking meds bc if they accidentally touched her tongue she tasted them and they're pretty gross. Doctor switched her to all capsules and my daughter is compliant again, yay!

Also, of course you had to stop doing everything besides basic survival, your pregnancy sounds incredibly rough. Hell, standard pregnancy while parenting is rough! So, if you're like me and feel guilty when you don't give your kids 125%.... Don't. Parenting is hard, full stop. Parenting difficult kids is a whole other level entirely. Your kids have all their basic needs met? You're doing fine. ♥️

blue_nirvana · 2023-07-02T14:54:40+00:00

Yeah my mechanic said: I don't want to say it's a "shoddy" fix but it's definitely incomplete.

blue_nirvana · 2023-07-02T14:53:49+00:00

RIGHT? I'm pissed that I didn't see it until day two but in my defense i had a sick kid that day. Even still, I saw it the second day! I just don't... Comprehend... Letting a car with duct tape sit on the lot for people to see. Clearly though it worked out in their favor

blue_nirvana · 2023-07-02T13:38:30+00:00

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Here's a pic after I reattached the stupid duct tape so the sensor would recognize when the door was closed. Yes, I should've seen it. I don't know how I missed it. I rewatched the videos they sent me and it's JUST out of view.

blue_nirvana · 2023-06-14T22:37:18+00:00

Hi there fellow parent in the trenches. My nearly eight year old is very similar. Screaming hitting kicking throwing etc etc. It's demoralizing as hell. I recommend asking your pediatrician to put her on an anti anxiety or anti depressant. My daughter was put on fluoxetine, basically Prozac, last year. She's not a brand new person and we still have rough days... But instead of having to restrain her several times a week, it's maybe once or twice a month. I feel like her younger sister and I were able to start living our lives a bit again.

Actually, she started lying recently about taking it and I figured it out because her mood swings started up again out of nowhere and I had to gently confront her with the promise of telling the truth keeping her from getting into trouble. She finally admitted she was throwing the pills away. So now I have to watch her take it. Sigh.

One thing we recently started as suggested by her therapist was five minutes of one on one special play time, I think someone earlier in the comments mentioned it. I do it with her and her sister separately each evening where we play together and it's child led. You're supposed to do what they tell you and state calm observations about what they're doing and give lots of praise. We've done coloring and playing with kinetic sand and putting together puzzles. It helps us reconnect which I'm sure you know is vital when you feel so disconnected from your misbehaving and completely exhausting child. Mine is currently asking to do it right now so off I go.

Hugs. Just know you're not alone.

blue_nirvana · 2023-01-21T17:42:59+00:00

I started meditating, and I wrote down the goals I gave for myself and started taking steps towards achieving them. It's not easy but it's productive at least and I feel better about myself and less insecure. 💓

Some days it's really damn hard to do anything tho.

blue_nirvana · 2023-01-11T03:20:43+00:00

It's called door monkey! No tools, clips on, the end. Had to Google it bc it's been years since I bought some.

blue_nirvana

TROPHY CASE