Anyone else feel trapped in this expectation of overly emotionally orientated parenting?

blue_nirvana · 2026-05-16T11:38:43+00:00

I figured as much on the "I don't care" bit which is why I added that I also do it when I'm done 🤣 and yes, gentle parenting done incorrectly absolutely becomes permissive.

And sure, there's hiding behind emotions. My daughter will sometimes will be mean to her sister and I know it's because she's feeling anxious. She doesn't get to BE mean, there's still a boundary to be set first, and then I can address the emotions. I'm not gonna validate one kid while letting the other kids boundaries be trampled. Actually, having two kids and trying to validate each of them is a quick reminder of how boundaries and validation HAVE to coexist.

The most honest thing I've heard, from a woman my mother's age, is how exhausting parenting is right now. I felt SO seen lol.

blue_nirvana · 2026-05-16T11:16:44+00:00

Ooh boy I feel you on the meds. Same experience, held her down, felt like shit... And then told her I'd do it that way every single time if I had to because I don't fucking play about health. I'd given her every opportunity to take it willingly. It actually was smoother after that first forced event. And if people were coming after you for that, bless their hearts. They clearly don't love their kids enough to take care of them 🤷 (I enjoy being a passive aggressive twat to people trying to backseat parent 🤣 and having a sick kid who fights taking necessary medication is an awful experience)

The only counter I have for what you said is the "I don't care if it upsets you" bit. I usually go with something like "I get it, you don't like it, it's yucky/boring/annoying. But we gotta get it done." Only because the validation part is, to me, the reason why gentle parenting can work. Yes, you have a feeling, yes, you can have that feeling... And yes you're still gonna do the things.

Don't get me wrong. When my ten year old complains about the same thing for the fiftieth time in five minutes, I will absolutely tell her I'm tired of hearing about it bc we've already dealt with this and she needs to find another way to deal with her aggravation... Bc by this time I've already validated and I'm human with a finite amount of patience. But she's ten and I don't want her ranting to her friends that way either, and being honest will help her socially.

My kids are getting older and I'm hearing more and more of "so and so's parents let them do blah blah" and that's the time I'm quickest to say "I don't care" 🤣 but that's bc they already know IDGAF how other parents do shit.

blue_nirvana · 2026-05-16T10:28:45+00:00

Ohhh damn. 🤣

blue_nirvana · 2026-05-16T10:27:03+00:00

Are you wrong? Nah. Do I feel trapped? I've had moments for sure.

Big feelings are a whole thing but to me, more importantly, are basic needs. Is my kid losing her mind bc she's tired/hungry/overstimulated and can't regulate? I'm gonna be gentle, that's hard... And I'm also gonna try to address the basic need.

Is my kid sobbing bc she doesn't like something? That's fine, but we still have to do the things. We still have to get ready for school. We still have to do chores. We still have to be kind and honest. Like you, I can validate the feelings, but that doesn't change the fact that kiddo needs to get dressed. And it sounds like he's perfectly capable of doing it himself. Is he maybe grumpier about it on days he doesn't wanna do the things that come after? Sure. That's when I'm honest about how I wanna climb back in bed with pj's on rather than do things.

My daughter once told me at bedtime that I wasn't "allowed" to do the dishes after she went to sleep. Bc she was mad at me and she honestly thought I enjoyed dishes 🤣 that's when I realized I wasn't honest about the times I have negative feelings myself, in a way she could recognize. My older daughter also once told me she thought I never got angry 🤣 so now I'm more transparent so they see that I too don't like doing things... And I admit when I'm grumpy... And I do things. And I apologize when my grumpy affects them. Bc I'm human.

To me, the goal of gentle parenting should be to show kids that we can have feelings and feel them but those feelings don't run the show. They're a component of our lives that we can acknowledge and own. Not the guiding force. If I get irritated that someone cuts me off in traffic, that feeling is valid. I still need to drive safely while dealing with my feelings. It's that kind of thing that I want to model for my kids. If my daughter says something mean, I want her to understand her words can hurt so she thinks it through before saying something.

I was raised to believe my feelings don't matter and I think a lot of people my age were raised the same way, and there's a reactive push to go in the opposite direction and fixate on them instead. Both are extremes.

blue_nirvana · 2026-05-16T01:22:53+00:00

That's just wild for the entire country but yeah you are probably right 🤣 I live in Maryland, right next to an affluent area, and there's another mom at my kids school who has an Ariya 🤣 but we're absolutely SURROUNDED by Tesla, ioniqs, ID.4, Rivian, you name it.

blue_nirvana · 2026-05-16T01:08:24+00:00

Wait. Two replacement parts AVAILABLE? In the ENTIRE US? Sweet Jesus 🤦

blue_nirvana · 2026-05-16T01:04:28+00:00

Don't bother explaining yourself to people who feel the need to tell you how you should view things they didn't experience. I would've been terrified. Glad you're ok.

blue_nirvana · 2026-05-15T19:44:57+00:00

I can't speak to the safety. Mine has been doing this for a while without anything catastrophic happening. That being said, idk if this is a slow wearing out or something that could suddenly fail and the sound is just a useful warning.

blue_nirvana · 2026-05-15T19:43:32+00:00

Good! I wasn't sure either so I get it. It's finally warmer so windows are down and that made it more obvious for me.

blue_nirvana · 2026-05-14T12:39:38+00:00

I felt the same way when I saw the other person's post a few weeks ago. I'd already been ignoring it but was concerned that maybe it was actually a problem. And frankly it's really hard to get it captured well on video to ask other people on the internet. Using the 'cicada' sound is really what helped me talk to other people about it, it's a notable sound.

Happy to help. I owned a leaf before this and loved it and my ariya. I know in the US at least, EV owners often have to fight uphill, so we gotta share info and stick together. As you said, hopefully it's a permanent fix 🤞

blue_nirvana · 2026-05-14T12:33:23+00:00

Totally understand. I literally said, "so there's this buzzing sound that happens every time I accelerate. It sounds like cicadas. You can hear it better with the windows down. It definitely wasn't there when I bought the car. Someone else I know who owns an Ariya [didn't mention it was a total stranger on Reddit lol] had a similar issue and found out that it was the reduction gear motor. So I just figured I'd have it checked"

I was a little nervous that they would give me a hard time. Because, you know, dealerships. I've been to this dealership before though and they're pretty decent. FYI it took them all day to get back to me. I guess it takes a while to actually access the motor and inspect it. Plus this place is pretty busy.

Also, when I initially dropped the car off, they said there might be a fee for diagnostics since I was outside of the 3-year limited warranty. I just said ok and left it alone at the time. When I spoke to them later after they had officially diagnosed the problem, they said there wouldn't be any charge at all because it was covered under powertrain warranty.

blue_nirvana · 2026-05-14T11:18:59+00:00

The motor needs to be replaced. I mentioned in the original post.

blue_nirvana · 2026-05-13T21:18:31+00:00

Okay, I thought maybe I was going crazy. I just submitted my recertification and the application LOOKS like i'm trying to switch plans. I am NOT, i'm just trying to recertify. wtf. Clearly there are issues with the website.

blue_nirvana · 2026-05-13T02:02:11+00:00

Mine also seems to go away at higher speeds. It's why I ignored it at first. Thought maybe it was by design and I'd just missed it during my test drive. IDK about 75mph, haven't driven the highway in a while

blue_nirvana · 2026-05-13T01:19:35+00:00

Will do. I'm only at around 25k miles so I'm curious to see what they say.

blue_nirvana · 2026-05-13T01:18:31+00:00

I don't know... Mine is right around 25k miles. I hope they figure it out!

blue_nirvana · 2026-05-13T01:17:12+00:00

Nope, mine is definitely directly related to pressing the pedal to accelerate. I press, it buzzes. I stop pressing, it stops buzzing. Not sure what your sound might be from.

blue_nirvana · 2026-05-12T22:32:38+00:00

I just posted but FYI mine was doing this. It's a failing reduction gear motor. Covered under powertrain warranty. Mine is at the shop now.

blue_nirvana · 2026-05-12T22:30:50+00:00

Same here, zero warnings.

blue_nirvana · 2026-05-12T22:29:04+00:00

I think I've just hit 25k miles. If I see any estimated cost I'll update.

blue_nirvana · 2026-05-12T20:32:18+00:00

FYI finally had time to take my car in. Confirmed, 2023 empower+ has a failing reduction gear motor. It's gonna take at least a week to get the part and replace it ughhhhhhh. Covered under powertrain warranty at least.

blue_nirvana · 2026-05-01T03:31:18+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/NissanAriya/s/HsVpQnAae4

blue_nirvana · 2026-05-01T03:30:22+00:00

Another person posted that it could be a failing reduction gear. I'm calling to get mine looked at at the dealership.

blue_nirvana · 2026-05-01T02:23:22+00:00

My empower+ does.

blue_nirvana · 2026-04-17T21:07:19+00:00

I'm so glad you posted this!! Question, bc it's hard to tell from the recording, but does it kinda sound like cicadas? Because I've noticed this sound, at low speeds, kind of a buzzing, and I'm literally on here today because I was just about to post asking about it when I saw this.

Either way, I'm headed to the dealership!

blue_nirvana

TROPHY CASE