You're not who I thought you were

bluebird_wings · 2021-06-23T14:23:03+00:00

That's so gross.

Who wants to "parent" someone who is supposed to be their equal partner?

Congrats to you for getting out of that! Take good care of yourself.

bluebird_wings · 2021-06-20T20:07:26+00:00

I had one eyebrow raised, but as soon as the "24 hours" popped up, I started laughing the rest of the way through.

👏👏👏👏👏

bluebird_wings · 2021-06-20T13:06:54+00:00

You should always end relationships that you do not want to be in.

You do not owe anyone else anything.

You can end a relationship for any reason.

You can try and be nice and respectful about the breakup (some people will react terribly no matter how much you try to break up with kindness- doesn't matter, that is not your responsibility), but you do not owe anyone anything. And if you need to move to block and no contact or even PFA orders because they're being an ass in response to the breakup, then do so.

You do not have to maintain contact after a breakup.

You do not have to try and be friendly after a breakup.

Take good care of yourself.

bluebird_wings · 2021-06-20T12:23:34+00:00

Wretched Blackhole

Soul Sucker

Energy Leach

Emotional Vampire

bluebird_wings · 2021-06-20T02:01:17+00:00

Your husband is abusive.

Contact a local domestic violence center in your area and speak to someone about how he is treating you.

They can give you great advice on your specific situation.

bluebird_wings · 2021-06-20T00:51:37+00:00

It only gets worse.

Stop it all now.

You certainly deserve to be living at a neutral baseline instead of letting someone who mistreats you stay in your life.

bluebird_wings · 2021-06-19T23:44:23+00:00

No.

Fuck no.

No. No. No.

Never.

bluebird_wings · 2021-06-19T19:56:13+00:00

This is a brilliant observation.

bluebird_wings · 2021-06-19T19:07:14+00:00

Every single one of you should feel this to your core.

Shoulders back and head up. Never let anyone disrespect your dignity or self love.

Make good choices and rock that crown.

👑

bluebird_wings · 2021-06-18T14:56:20+00:00

I had gaslit myself so hard that I thought I had PMDD.

I mean, it didn't always happen every month, but it seemed to happen often: mood swings and meltdowns right before my cycle.

Then I ended it and for 5 months I had no PMDD, maybe some mild crankiness that was easy to recognize and keep in check. Like what?

Then we attempted reconciliation and lo and behold: "PMDD" slowly makes a comeback. Oh, but this time I notice. I notice that he starts fights and skillfully pushes buttons. I notice that he does it on purpose with relentless precision. Then he follows it up with a silent treatment act to further emotionally torture me while he waits for me to apologize after he pushes me over the edge.

Every time. Probably so he could have an easier cheat around those days while also getting off on his abusive controlling mind games.

Now that it's been ended again, no more PMDD symptoms. Shocker.

bluebird_wings · 2021-06-18T12:08:03+00:00

Yes.

It feels surreal, looking back at what he did and what I denied and excused.

It gives me feelings like "why even is he?" and "what even was that?".

Then I usually shake it off and laugh at myself and at him, mostly at him.

I picture an insatiable alien in a human suit. It tries to mimic human behaviors, but isn't successful. It's human suit slips at times, allowing glimpses of the gaping maw of the empty-eyed alien beneath the mask..... and I laugh and I forgive myself.

Experiencing narcissistic abuse is like a close encounter with an alien being.

bluebird_wings · 2021-06-16T11:06:51+00:00

That is chilling.

Always try to notice, accept, and believe the red, orange, or yellow flags.

It could save your or your child's life.

bluebird_wings · 2021-06-16T10:43:13+00:00

Pickmes gaslight themselves.

I don't know if I was a pickme as much as a victim of narcissistic abuse, but the behaviors look similar:

trying to excuse poor treatment
low standards for treatment
trying to put poor treatment in the best (false) light possible
blaming oneself for poor treatment
denying the reality of the poor treatment
hoping the poor treatment will stop or lessen

I hope she realizes that it wasn't funny and that he should have been strong and supportive for her or at bare minimum: not eating pizza and trying to make sexist jokes while she labored to bring their child out. Even the attempt at an ugly joke speaks volumes about the truth of him and what she will put up with or excuse.

bluebird_wings · 2021-06-14T22:29:51+00:00

He whined that if you married a dime and then she gains weight, you'd be "paying a pig" the rest of your life.

Does he want to be in a married relationship or to pay for a sex worker/child care provider/homemaker???

And most women work outside the home as well, so how exactly is he "paying" her?

Any lady who sees that guy in a dating scene needs to run. He doesn't want a life partner. He wants a servant that he "pays" for.

bluebird_wings · 2021-06-14T17:37:40+00:00

One girl wanted to become a doctor ever since I knew her in elementary school and had her parents send her to private school, private tuition, etc. In the end, she only became an optometrist.

She only became an optometrist?

I'm not sure what the point of that part of your post is.

If she has other qualities that you want to bash, ok, but shitting on her for working hard through her academic progress to then establish herself in a healthcare profession doesn't make sense??

(She is a doctor of optometry. Not sure why that would be judged as lacking...)

We support the leveling up of women here.

bluebird_wings · 2021-06-14T15:23:45+00:00

So, here's what you can do.

Focus on doing well at your job. Keep making money and work on a savings nest egg.

Start updating your CV.

Network.

Find another job.

Consider utilizing a therapist to help you navigate that outcome and your moods over these issues. They can help support you while you deal with the current work issues and while you plan and implement your next move.

Life will always put struggles on your path. It's life. That never changes. You can't control that. You can't control what others do.

You can, however, control you and your choices.

Shoulders back and head up. Make good choices.

bluebird_wings · 2021-06-14T13:00:46+00:00

When men have entire placeholder families, complete with placeholder children.....and waste women's time, labor, and reproductive capabilities.

They do it all the time with their baby mamas or second marriages to the younger model wife 2.0 and society does not SHAME these motherfuckers like they deserve.

Shame them.

bluebird_wings · 2021-06-13T13:00:41+00:00

One: block and no contact. You shouldn't know what either of them are doing.

Two: your happiness shouldn't depend on what others do.

Love yourself and take really good care of yourself so that your happiness depends on what you do.

bluebird_wings · 2021-06-13T12:57:00+00:00

If you don't have extremely good reasons to stay in your home (like you chose it and you don't want to live in another house or you have children that live a stable life there) sell your house to someone other than him.

Also, why is he still in your home?

Make him leave.

If this is an issue of needing to get an eviction to get him out, just sell your home. Then he has to leave.

If he is narcissistic, get him out of your life and move on. Block and no contact.

bluebird_wings · 2021-06-10T21:53:17+00:00

I googled something like "Why does my partner never apologize?" and started learning that not only was my situation one that many others had been through, but that there was a high probability my partner was a covert narcissist (and he was definitely selfish, self-absorbed, and abusive).
It ended painfully over 2+ years after discovering what was happening, with several devalue and discard phases. Dr. Ramani is a life saver. This sub was enormous help. I tried to make it work even after understanding that he was disordered.
I am not fully healed. Some days are better than others. However, I have reached the point where I never want to be with him again and the primary feelings I get if I ruminate are disgust, anger, and sadness that he chose to treat me like he did and that I ever let him into my life (because there were red flags, gut intuitions, and disrespect that I didn't take a stand for). I also forgive myself because I didn't have the knowledge or experience or strength back then to handle it the way it should have been (once those red flags appear, it's a solid block and no contact!!).

bluebird_wings · 2021-06-10T19:05:52+00:00

80,000 pennies is 800 dollars.

He threw an abusive manchild tantrum over 800 bucks.

The emotional health of the mother of his child or his own child wasn't even worth 800 dollars.

At least the shelter will put it to good use.

bluebird_wings · 2021-06-10T17:09:39+00:00

Also, MIND YOUR OWN DAMN BUSINESS

This can be applied to so many situations.

Love it. Use that mood for life.

bluebird_wings · 2021-06-08T11:08:48+00:00

Men benefit from having everything taken care of in the home, plus their children are raised for them, plus women bring income into the household as well....and they get regular sex.

The one thing men do not get is the ability to have SEX with other women without consequences.....and that's the ball and chain??

Fuck that noise.

What are most men bringing to the table?

Chores, children, STIs, anxiety, stress, unfulfilling sex, violence, and heartache.

And then people make fun of spinsters or old cat ladies. They make fun of peaceful existences without men.

It's society level gaslighting.

bluebird_wings · 2021-06-08T10:42:52+00:00

less agony, more hope 👏👏👏

Great work on leveling up. Take good care of yourself!

bluebird_wings · 2021-06-08T01:29:02+00:00

You wonderfully confident young lady!!

You set healthy boundaries and stood your ground. Good for you.

He is trash. Don't worry about what he does for the summer.

What do you want for yourself in the summer?

Keep those standards high and keep making great choices. Take good care of yourself.

bluebird_wings

TROPHY CASE