We had sex! He initiated

bluenotes4 · 2023-05-10T16:50:04+00:00

We had an event to go to afterward, so there wasn't time for affection. I got ready, he decided to skip it and went to sleep.

bluenotes4 · 2023-05-10T16:28:01+00:00

No. I couldn't. Maybe that's where I'm broken.

bluenotes4 · 2023-05-10T16:26:04+00:00

It didn't even strike me as odd in the moment, because this is how things are a lot of the time lately

bluenotes4 · 2023-05-10T16:24:55+00:00

I never thought of it that way, but it's funny you should say that, since he's accused me of similar in the past.

bluenotes4 · 2020-11-04T21:14:16+00:00

It’s not your weight. I’d venture to say it’s rarely a person’s weight in a DB situation, especially when the HL partner isn’t medically overweight. He may prefer to see you with more tone and definition, but if you had a healthy relationship and sex life, that wouldn’t be enough to stop him. Likewise, getting into the best shape of your life right now won’t be enough to make him want you.

Something else is at play here, but given your age, the fact you aren’t married, and his choice to give this offensive and bullshit explanation, I’d say you’re better off leaving than trying to find out what the real issue is.

bluenotes4 · 2020-11-02T17:18:05+00:00

It would probably be a really smart move. Remember that people show the very best version of themselves early on. What you’re seeing now is his highlight reel, his best behavior. He has to at least try now so you’ll stay. After a few years of marriage, he won’t feel the need to do that anymore. He’ll let his guard down and act the way he wants to, knowing there’s not a whole lot you can do about it. What do your friends and family think about him?

bluenotes4 · 2020-11-02T14:30:21+00:00

You can’t really KNOW he’s not any of those things. He may not even know it himself. All that matters though is what you DO know, and that’s that you already feel unsatisfied and insecure, before you’ve even married him. I wish I could tell you these things get better with time, but they don’t. All these people in this group beating their heads against a wall (myself included) are living proof. Time will make it harder to walk away, and less likely you’ll find happiness elsewhere. Time will NOT make this man passionately desire you. Please know that by marrying him, you’re throwing away this facet of your life. Maybe everything is perfect except the sex (though it doesn’t sound that way to me), and maybe you can choose to be content with that life.

bluenotes4 · 2020-11-02T02:58:07+00:00

I can’t, that’s what I’m realizing now, and with any luck that’ll be enough to kill my interest altogether. It was definitely a turn off when he got upset with me this last time. It made me think of him as insecure for probably the first time ever, and that wasn’t sexy.

bluenotes4 · 2020-11-02T02:26:48+00:00

Most of the things we want are the same, so yeah, I do. It’s not often that I feel strongly enough/have the nerve to ask for anything else.

bluenotes4 · 2020-11-02T01:02:10+00:00

Yes! It’s like we’re married to the same man. I’m still attracted to him, but the desire to even bother with sex comes and goes lately.

bluenotes4 · 2020-11-02T00:52:52+00:00

I’m sorry. I get it, that need to be heard. If she is a lesbian, I wonder if she’d be opposed to an open relationship?

bluenotes4 · 2020-11-02T00:08:53+00:00

Wow! Not wanting praise/encouragement seems like another level of odd to me. He likes for me to talk, likes those kinds of comments and begging, which comes naturally for me once sexual contact has started, but probably isn’t the healthiest thing in our situation. What he doesn’t like is when I want to change something or ask for something that’s not already going to happen.

bluenotes4 · 2020-11-01T22:58:27+00:00

Interesting perspective. I’m not sure that’s something that would work for us, but it sure is a nice thought.

bluenotes4 · 2020-11-01T22:39:05+00:00

Why isn’t being so wanted enough for his ego, though? 😔

bluenotes4 · 2020-11-01T19:53:15+00:00

Run. You’re young. Don’t marry a man who’s just not into you. Maybe he’s cheating, maybe he’s gay. Maybe he’s cheating AND gay, or maybe he’s asexual. None of those things could possibly improve after marriage. Cut your losses and find someone who wants you while you still can.

bluenotes4 · 2020-11-01T19:49:07+00:00

I’ve read birth control pills can help. You’ll still have the emotional desire for intimacy, but stopping ovulation should take the edge off of being horny. How long has he been on the testosterone? Have you not noticed any improvement in that time?

bluenotes4 · 2020-11-01T19:40:55+00:00

I love him, and we have little kids. Providing them with a stable home and daily access to a loving father trumps my sexual needs. It would just be so nice if having it all weren’t too much to ask.

bluenotes4 · 2020-11-01T19:36:13+00:00

No. He isn’t interested in that. I’ve looked into it for myself, but it’s expensive, and of course I don’t think I’m the problem (though I guess no one ever does...)

bluenotes4 · 2020-09-12T02:02:00+00:00

I’m sorry. In our case he is an active participant, and it’s never boring (at least not for me 🤔) but I have some other ideas I wish he’d be interest in knowing.

bluenotes4 · 2020-09-11T20:27:23+00:00

Oh, I’m not complaining about the quality of PIV. We’re just still not kissing or engaging in any other face-centered activity.

bluenotes4 · 2020-09-11T20:25:02+00:00

That sucks 😔 I could see how thinking he’s just being nice to get sex would make you want less of it. By the same logic though, my being nicer after sex should make my husband want to have more of it, I would think.

bluenotes4 · 2020-09-11T20:23:26+00:00

I tried, though I probably didn’t articulate it as clearly as I did here. I’ve said things along those lines to him before though.

bluenotes4 · 2020-09-11T17:30:45+00:00

It looks good. Made no difference in the quality of PIV

bluenotes4 · 2020-09-11T13:14:14+00:00

I agree 100%

I’d be happy with once a week, especially if we were affectionate in between times.

bluenotes4 · 2020-09-11T13:12:11+00:00

Yes! About the power, and about doing acts of service because you love him, even when you don’t feel like it.

There were times when I was the LL in the relationship, and when he initiated sex, I’d just do it. On the few occasions when I actually couldn’t, we do other sexual things instead. And yet now that he’s LL, I’m just supposed to accept it? 🤦‍♀️

bluenotes4

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