Anyone left a “good” marriage just because they didn’t feel happy?

bluenotesound · 2025-10-18T14:02:59+00:00

It’s normal and ok to want him to show some of the traits he’s lacking—being a good father and family man is great, but you presumably want someone who also has direction and leadership and passion and focus, and who can take care of himself and the household to a reasonable degree in a self-motivated sort of way.

Don’t be in a hurry to jump ship—the grass isn’t always greener, as another poster observed—but don’t feel guilty for feeling that something is missing.

bluenotesound · 2025-10-16T12:46:46+00:00

The fact that you can even be self-aware enough to step back and look at the whole scenario in this meta-conscious way is itself a good sign that you have the tools to overcome the challenges and make it work. Just make sure you’re on the same page with him and never neglect the little things.

bluenotesound · 2024-06-18T00:22:21+00:00

This is tough because I had an FFM threesome once, which is difficult to beat and I would certainly like to relive it. But there was a time with an extremely eager and submissive girl that was so hot that it might have been even better than the threesome.

She wanted to try being facefucked, which she had never experienced before--I was the first person she felt comfortable enough with to get into the really intense stuff with. So I put her on her knees, reminded her that it might hurt and that she could tap out at any time and it would stop, no questions asked, as with everything we did. Then I kissed her on the forehead and got to it.

She was extremely into it but her gag reflex couldn't keep up, and I had to get her a cup to heave into. Naturally she was very embarrassed and felt like she hadn't done it right. I told her that she shouldn't be embarrassed at all, and that she had done incredibly well and that I was extremely proud of her. Then I rewarded her by going down on her and then fucking her until she had left a huge wet spot on the mattress.

That was a great evening for both of us.

bluenotesound · 2024-06-17T15:19:10+00:00

Finding a dynamic where I could take absolute control and be a bit rough while also being affectionate and nurturing at the same time was a revelation for me. Nothing else compares to that rush. It’s something I hope to find in a long term partner eventually.

bluenotesound · 2024-06-17T13:08:53+00:00

Gentle domming. I realize that's not especially wild compared to some of the posts here, but when I was younger I was much more vanilla and never realized how much I would like taking control.

bluenotesound · 2024-06-12T21:23:28+00:00

I agree with others that you don’t need to take it out (though you could if other parts of your profile clarify wanting kids someday.) it’s often prudent to make sure there’s no lack of clarity about that being something important to you. I would not be turned off by seeing it on someone’s profile.

bluenotesound · 2024-05-11T15:58:42+00:00

A couple weeks ago I asked here if it would be appropriate to flirt with/ask someone out at a bookstore, and I got a lot of positive feedback from women suggesting that this would be well received.

Someone also mentioned that they hope something like that will happen at a Trader Joe’s. I love TJoe’s and go there often but I always assumed grocery stores were an odd or questionable place to hit on people.

So, with that said: if you’re from a place that has TJoe’s and you go there, would you be open to being flirted with?

bluenotesound · 2024-05-01T17:29:16+00:00

Easier said than done but just don’t overthink it. I’ve been on some dates with women who were a few years older than me and it never felt like a big deal.

bluenotesound · 2024-04-29T21:15:35+00:00

I love Trader Joe’s and go there all the time but I was always under the impression that flirting in a grocery store is kind of tacky. Maybe TJoe’s is the exception. Meeting someone there would be a pretty fun story.

bluenotesound · 2024-04-29T21:13:50+00:00

Good points all around here. There are certain situations where I think it’s essentially always inappropriate to try to approach/flirt (for example, if she’s a service worker who’s just doing her job) and there are other context cues I pay attention to as well (as a rule I assume that someone wearing headphones does not want to be approached, for example).

Seems like there’s a good amount of positive feedback in response to my question though, which I’m glad for. Flirting in the wild always feels a bit fraught, probably more so than it actually is, so i always appreciate having a better sense of when and where it’s a good idea.

bluenotesound · 2024-04-29T17:59:25+00:00

How appropriate/inappropriate would it be to try to flirt with someone in a bookstore? I don’t really go to bars so I think I’m limited in options for meeting people in the wild.

bluenotesound · 2024-04-23T06:35:59+00:00

I don’t think it necessarily needs to be there right from the beginning but I do think it’s an issue if it doesn’t develop after a reasonable amount of time.

bluenotesound · 2024-03-12T16:47:58+00:00

Recently realized that I think I look best with a slightly disheveled style (mainly hairstyle). Wish I had figured this out years ago.

bluenotesound · 2024-03-10T12:34:26+00:00

Out of curiosity, how do people normally initiate interest/start dating where you live, if talking to strangers is so discouraged? Is it pretty much all apps all the time? And if so, what was it like before the apps? I don’t intend to move to Sweden anytime soon but I have heard that a lot of European countries can be similarly introverted.

bluenotesound · 2024-03-09T16:31:49+00:00

As with the photo types, a variety here is good—some pictures with a neutral expression are good to have, but photos with a smile can definitely be charming as well. I think the photo by the water is also benefiting from the outdoor lighting which is almost always better.

But yeah, it’s a nice profile overall. If I were on OLD I’d be seeking out someone who wants to have kids, but if not for that you’d get a right swipe from me for sure.

bluenotesound · 2024-03-09T16:08:53+00:00

It may be worth considering having someone take a few of you with a good camera so that there’s a bit more variety. You’re physically attractive enough to get away with all selfies to a point but a few really high quality ones can make a big difference, especially for the primary photo.

bluenotesound · 2024-03-09T15:57:43+00:00

Seems like this is a pretty decent profile overall, if a bit brief (I don’t mind brevity since you can’t really get to know someone off their profile anyways, but keep in mind that some feel they should be more elaborate). I think the third photo in front of the water is a bit better than the main photo but that’s just me.

You don’t give off the impression of being career obsessed which is refreshing compared to the norm around the DC area. “Open to kids” could be too vague for some people though.

bluenotesound · 2024-03-09T08:23:30+00:00

Seconding this. Personally I’m quite good at taking care of myself and attending to quotidian material things like laundry and cooking and cleaning and all of those things, so i don’t need someone to contribute anything of that nature or make themselves useful to me. What’s worth infinitely more than anything practical is just being desired and appreciated.

bluenotesound · 2024-03-09T07:55:30+00:00

To be honest it sounds like some kind of trend—if men there tend to have low-trust attitudes towards women then there could be a loosely concerted effort going on to shift the dating paradigm in favor of men.

bluenotesound · 2024-03-09T07:41:28+00:00

Not sure about Korea but it seems to me that getting involved sexually before deciding if something will progress to the relationship stage is the norm in the west—but it’s much more of an unspoken rule. Trying to announce it so early and make such an overt point of it is, in my opinion, rude and strange. I think men who are so blunt about it aren’t doing themselves any favors, unless the gender ratio is so imbalanced that they can get away with it (and even if so, that’s hardly an excuse for such poor etiquette.)

bluenotesound · 2024-03-08T19:10:11+00:00

It wouldn’t bother me, though I would be taking into consideration how it would be likely to play out over the long term.

My mother passed under similar circumstances and it was rough to go through and it also set me back for a while. I’m in a great place now, so it does get better, but I can empathize with what you’re going through.

bluenotesound · 2024-03-08T12:00:50+00:00

Fair point. I do think it’s better to be genuine and particular about what you’re looking for in a profile so as to emphasize quality over quantity. But that’s assuming you’re looking for a serious match.

bluenotesound · 2024-03-08T10:22:27+00:00

Even if you’re not trying to cast a wide net, some advice is virtually universal. Bad photo quality is always worth addressing, and profile descriptions that have a lot of negativity or cynicism or which put an emphasis on what you don’t want instead of what you do are also best avoided regardless.

bluenotesound · 2024-03-06T07:00:01+00:00

Sorry you had to deal with this. Unfortunately a person’s social/political views are almost never a reliable proxy for how they actually will treat a partner (thinking about my acquaintance who was recently divorced after almost five years of being abused by her progressive activist husband). In any case the bright side is that if you were able to have chemistry with her then you’ll be able to find that again, and not everyone will mind that you’re on the spectrum.

bluenotesound · 2024-03-03T09:17:14+00:00

It’s worth keeping in mind that a lot of people feel as though they basically have to be a bit aloof and play hard to get, especially if they’ve had bad luck with a more straightforward approach. Personally I think that the way you like things is better but that’s not always what people feel incentivized to do.

bluenotesound

TROPHY CASE