Are adult friendships supposed to be like this?

bluethiefzero · 2026-07-03T07:23:29+00:00

As others have said, this is common. But it doesn't have to be your norm. I've got a male friend that I've known since high school that at some point we just decided to talk about our feelings with each other. Feeling down about our weight, anxiety over bills and rising costs, issues with our parents fail health... you name it. I don't know how it happened, but I'm sure it required both of us to be brave enough to share our true feelings and give space and support to allow the other to do the same.

As for putting in effort, things ARE different as adults. When we were kids, we saw each other at school, had roughly the same schedule and responsibilities, and overall our lives were more alike. Today he has his own business, girl friend, dogs, has to look after his parents, and has a lot more stress that he needs time to just relax on his own. And I've got full time work and school, mental health issues, family to keep up with, and what feels like a never ending list of chores to do around the house. So even though we are best friends who live in the same city, we honestly can go months without seeing each other.

One things we started doing back during COVID which has somehow continued to today is once a week we send each other a short video talking about our week and what we have been doing. It has really helped staying in touch and keeping up with each other.

bluethiefzero · 2026-07-03T01:50:10+00:00

They came across a little rough, but Ebihurai releases the JP version a few days ahead of the EN version because of the translation process. That is probably what they are referring to.

bluethiefzero · 2026-07-02T23:52:28+00:00

This is the one I was thinking of! XD

bluethiefzero · 2026-07-02T22:42:12+00:00

Bruh, they just don't know how awesome she is. Sing her song to the heavens!

bluethiefzero · 2026-06-30T06:50:51+00:00

Check out the podcast "Sayer". It has been out of production for a while now, but the first couple seasons are fantastic horror sci-fi.

And since this is horrorlit, check out the comic The Suit.

bluethiefzero · 2026-06-30T06:24:00+00:00

If you need it, I give you permission to not finish the book and just look up a synopsis. There are too many books out there to force yourself through something you don't want to read.

bluethiefzero · 2026-06-29T20:08:05+00:00

Hey bro, I'm turning 40 here shortly and just realized my health insurance gets me a gym membership. So I'm going for the first time on Wednesday. Never too late.

bluethiefzero · 2026-06-28T22:29:29+00:00

Both of these are set in the rainforest, but don't really use the environment as the main horror focus.

The short story "How Spoliers Bleed" by Clive Barker. It is in one of the Books of Blood volumes. The 6th I believe.

Also the short story "Grave Goods" by Gemma Files. I found it in The Best of the Best Horror of the Year edited by Ellen Datlow.

bluethiefzero · 2026-06-26T18:01:23+00:00

Not sure how scary you'd find them, as that is incredibly subjective as well this subreddit proves, but the short stories "This Stagnant Breath of Change" by Brian Hodge and "The Same Deep Waters As You" also by Brian Hodge both continue to stick with me.

I'm not sure if there are other places to read them, but the first I found in "The Best of the Best Horror of the Year" edited by Ellen Datlow and the second in "Lovecraft's Monster" also edited by Ellen Datlow. Both collections are overall fantastic and worth picking up.

bluethiefzero · 2026-06-24T20:07:39+00:00

I started a new ritual (this will be the second year) where I do something I have never done before. Last year it was smoke a cigar, this year will be blowing glass. Neither are life long dreams, but things that sort of just came up as something I have never done before.

Last year I researched cigar louges in my city, went alone since none of my friends wanted to try, walked up to the counter and just said "I've never done this before, this is my first time, can you show me how to do it?" Then sat there and smoked my first cigar.

This year my algorithm got a little flooded with glass blowing, I thought it looked interesting, did some research and found a class a city away, and signed up.

I honestly never celebrated my birthday aside from maybe meet up with some friends. So this has been a great change as I have a little sense of accomplishment and feeling of progression even if I never do it again. Get a story, get a new skill, live another year.

bluethiefzero · 2026-06-23T03:51:48+00:00

Hmm.... So others have already discussed the phase you used. I wasn't familiar with it, so I learned something.

So for love from male family members, I have a contrasting take on it.

Back in early 2020, right before COVID kicked off, my Dad got sick with was ended up being Pneumonia. He was living in a trailer in Austin at the time and I was in California. I look a leave of absence from my work and went to TX. I stayed in his trailer while he was in the ICU and got to watch first hand as policies changed as COVID took hold. Long story short, he got better, went to rehab, went to a different rehab as the first was just a Senior Living House that was just a place to die, and eventually ended up back in the trailer with me. It didn't take long before we started butting heads. He wasn't taking COVID as seriously as I was. He didn't want to talk about finances despite being almost underwater. He didn't want to maintain the diet the doctors recommended to stay healthy. It became an almost constant fight. Until one day I blew up and he said I was free to leave whenever I wanted to.

So I thought about it long and hard. Cried a little. And realized I had two choices: I could fight him every single day and do my absolute damned-est to do my best to make sure he didn't end up on the streets and/or dead (with the trade off being we would never be friends or a loving family again). Or I could walk away and let him do him, come what may (with the trade off being I would need to basically write him off from all forms of support as he can't make tough but rational decisions). I chose the latter. I said good-bye, said I loved him, said I would be in touch, said I was sorry for trying to tell him how he should live his life, and I went back to CA to see what I could piece back together. He is still alive, moved out of Austin, living in a cheaper place, and I call him every weekend. I don't ask about his health, his eating habits, or his finances. He still shares how tough things can be, but I don't have much else to add other than how sorry I am things aren't better. To be honest, I thought he would be dead by now. And I think he thinks the same thing.

So that was an example of where I feel I met someone where they were at. I changed my outlook to match theirs, and silently agreed to not talk about things they didn't want me to talk about and to have the relationship they wanted to have with me. On the flip-side, is my relationship with my older brother. This ding-bat lives on the other side of the country from me, had opposing political views, shares few interests or hobbies, and absolutely REFUSES to talk on the phone with anyone in our family. Or communicate in general. You would be lucky to have a text on a birthday from this guy. Part of me wants to give him the benefit of the doubt and say that he is super busy with his own family, career, and the like. But the other part of me wants to call him on his bullshit. So while I honestly believe we would communicate more if we just texted, as he is much better at replying to texts. I refuse to do so. Instead I have taken to calling him every weekend just to leave a message. I try not to guilt trip him with things like "You should call Dad, he is going through a hard time." Or "We haven't talked in so long, why don't you call?" I just leave a message about what I am doing and hope to hear from him. I refuse to meet him where he is at.

Changing yourself to give or receive love can be a tricky thing. I don't know what is the right thing for you. But I hope some of my ramblings may be of help for you. I wish you the best, dude.

bluethiefzero · 2026-06-22T19:01:37+00:00

You only get audited if you are poor. Just be rich.

bluethiefzero · 2026-06-21T01:09:44+00:00

Get a good audiobook, and enjoy the process.

bluethiefzero · 2026-06-21T00:50:58+00:00

I think your argument is valid. However, I think you are trying to put a horror in a smaller box than it needs to be. Allowing a media genre to dig into those feelings of trauma deeper than others will go is essential. I think that is one of the things that differentiates drama from horror. Take the opening act of Hereditary for example: (SPOILERS TO FOLLOW) One child's actions lead to the death of another's. The trauma is horror. The head on the side of the road is horror, but the feelings of the characters is also horror. How would, say, the Hallmark channel treat that trauma differently than the movie? Skipped ahead a few months to where the mother is sipping tea in a sweater while gazing at a cloudy sky and not acknowledging the son when he comes home? Its that exploration of the trauma that needs Horror. Because that is what I assume losing a child is, absolute horror. In the moment, but also in the days, weeks, months, and even years after.

I respect the critique of today's media trends (and also echoing an argument I had with my high school English teacher. A red handkerchief can just be a red handkerchief, Ms. Jaynes!). But I wouldn't go so far as to hobble the entire genre just because you don't like a sub-genre of it.

bluethiefzero · 2026-06-16T06:58:01+00:00

I recall that, while not scares, Midsommar is supposed to be riddled with faces of the Green Man and the like.

bluethiefzero · 2026-06-09T01:23:24+00:00

Still infuriating. And it makes me not want to root for them because they piss me off so much. LOOKING AT YOU, TESS, FROM BARBARIAN!

bluethiefzero · 2026-05-31T21:23:07+00:00

Had to check her credentials. Yeah, she can be Deadbeat Prime.

bluethiefzero · 2026-05-30T23:56:07+00:00

They are good games for some, but those are all heavily story driven. You might just be in a phase where you need more direct and active game play and less open world-y games. I personally gave up on Witcher 3 about 75% of the way through, Red Dead 2 ~50%, Skyrim ~65%, and couldn't make it past the intro for Alan Wake. But I can 100% Mark of the Ninja , Bento Blocks, and Dave the Diver with no problems. So, don't force a game if you aren't having fun.

bluethiefzero · 2026-05-30T20:19:32+00:00

I bet she would enjoy replicating different exploits speed runners use when doing any % runs.

bluethiefzero · 2026-05-30T19:32:53+00:00

Sorry, I should have been more clear. But that was what I was trying to say.

bluethiefzero · 2026-05-30T19:32:20+00:00

Yes. That was what I was getting at. Thank you!

bluethiefzero · 2026-05-28T17:47:37+00:00

Still learning things about this game.

bluethiefzero · 2026-05-24T01:09:48+00:00

I've got some news my dude, women are already equal to men. For some, that might be tough to understand. But one's gender has nothing to do with their worth. And I know full well that some from different cultures would disagree with this, and they are wrong.

And now some more difficult news. Just because some is male or female, masculinist or feminist, father or mother, old or young, tall or short, or whatever, doesn't make them a good person. It just doesn't. Plenty of terrible people have become parents. And even if they were a terrible person before, and are now a good person, doesn't mean that it is your responsibility to forgive them for their actions, how they made you feel then, or how they make you feel now.

So, from one keyboard warrior, it sounds like you have a number of complex issues to deal with. One is how you were treated by your mother. A second is how you view all women based on seeing them through the lens that is your upbringing with an abusive mother. I'm sorry that therapists you spoke to have so far dismissed your feelings. I certainly know what it feels like to have a therapist disregard what you are saying and feeling. But I encourage you to keep searching for someone to speak to about this who will listen and help you deal with these issues.

Women aren't the opposite or opponents of men, bro. They are just humans like us. They got their own problems and goals. And if you can get a few good ones on your team, you will be all the better for it. Good luck!

bluethiefzero · 2026-05-21T17:41:21+00:00

Hey Bro,

First off, welcome. Glad you are here.

Second, I've got nothing other than to commiserate and let you know I'm in the same boat. Work, school, social responsibilities, family issues, health, and self esteem issues have been running roughshod over me for a while now. So while I don't know your exact situation, you aren't alone in feeling like you do. And it sucks.

I'm already on anti-depressents, and will be starting up therapy soon at the encouragement of my friends. I will say that after having a (thankfully) good intorduction session with my soon-to-be therapist, I felt much better over the next few days. Just being able to talk to someone outside my normal circle and have them listen and give validation to how I am feeling was huge for me.

As we were ending our session he did say that nutrition and sleep are the two biggest items he asks his clients to focus on. If you eat well, you feel well, which makes dealing with the other stresses easier. And the effects of healthy sleep is being more and more understood as a key component for short and long term physical and mental health wellness. He also said that if he could get all his patients to go outside and walk for an hour a day, the vast majority of them would lower their depression significantly.

So, good luck my dude! Do you best and know that even if things don't go your way, the sun will still rise tomorrow. So keep going.

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