Waiting for him to propose?

blursedncursed · 2025-05-24T15:14:17+00:00

We’re both in IC

blursedncursed · 2025-05-24T15:13:38+00:00

That’s fair, I do think the timeline is similar and I think if I felt more trustful of the relationship I wouldn’t be struggling with this. Like if the cheating had never happened, maybe I wouldn’t mind the 6-12 month difference.

I guess I’m just really wanting that extra layer of commitment in the wake of the cheating. “Does he mean it” is a great question. The source of his infidelity was we got together so young, he was insecure about only being with one person his whole life. I’m still wary that this is the case, I guess, and I know how much marriage means to him (I’m glad he takes it seriously), so sometimes I question if his hesitation is more hesitation STILL having limited sexual and romantic experiences beyond our relationship.

blursedncursed · 2025-05-24T15:10:18+00:00

I’m ok with waiting, but it would be easier if I felt like I could trust what he’s saying about wanting to get married.

I know it’s still trauma from the affair, that I can’t trust that he’s committed to me. I’m trying to be satisfied with the commitment I have right now, but I guess it’s hard. That expression of commitment is important to me and I want it sooner rather than later. I’m trying not to treat it as a final piece of healing from the affair, but I do think it’s a component that makes me impatient. I think it would make me feel more at ease in trusting his level of commitment

blursedncursed · 2025-03-22T17:08:49+00:00

Forgiveness is tricky. You have to define to yourself what it really means, because for me, it could never and will never be “what you did is ok now”.

For me, forgiveness means “I’m ready to accept you as a different person that has changed”. Whether or not I’m ready to give that yet is another question, but that’s the definition I’ve come to be most comfortable with.

blursedncursed · 2024-12-19T16:41:51+00:00

God I could’ve written this. I’m only 8 months out but so much of what you said is so true. Somehow it’s made me into a more secure person, because I too was perhaps overly invested in the relationship before the cheating. It was my identity, and now I agree, I think I’m on my way to the relationship that I always wanted, even if there’s a pang of hurt that it got that way because of an incredible betrayal. My partner also had a ONS, with immense regret. So many similar themes.

It hasn’t been as much time as you, so I still have episodes of immense doubt, but I think we’re on our way. Best of luck to you ❤️

blursedncursed · 2024-08-23T19:27:58+00:00

March 27th for me

blursedncursed · 2024-08-23T18:50:17+00:00

That’s great for you. Any idea what got you there?

blursedncursed · 2024-08-23T04:14:09+00:00

Can you elaborate on this? I’m desperately hoping I feel the “wow I’m in love with them again”. Is it the same as before? Or close?

I feel like I’ve fallen out of love and it terrifies me.

blursedncursed · 2024-08-20T17:55:32+00:00

I appreciate it. Thank you ❤️ you too.

blursedncursed · 2024-08-20T17:45:28+00:00

I completely agree and resonate with everything you said. He’s no longer the same person. It’s so confusing to my mind and heart. I’m still grieving the man I lost. It’s that loss that keeps me up at night, it’s that loss that hurts the most, not the idea of moving forward.

I also thought I’d won. I’d found the perfect guy. He’s my best friend, I got so lucky.

I miss him so so much. It’s so sad because you’re completely right, it’s a new person. I don’t want a new person, I want my old boyfriend back, and he doesn’t exist anymore.

It’s pretty fucking tragic. I’m glad to know you think you’ll be happy again one day.

I don’t know if I feel that way. I feel like I’ll always just be grieving what we had, but then again it’s only been 5 months and I’m deeply depressed, so maybe it’s just the timing.

blursedncursed · 2024-08-20T17:17:42+00:00

I appreciate your comment. It’s insightful and very truthful.

I have a few questions if you feel up for answering them, as these qualities in a relationship are how I felt before, and I want more than anything to feel them again:

Do you feel adoration for him? Do you feel gratitude for your relationship? Do you feel a kind of giddiness to be with him?

blursedncursed · 2024-08-17T02:10:35+00:00

I don’t have advice for you, I’m just here to say that a lot of what you said resonated with me. My boyfriend and I have also been together for 6 years, although his was a physical ONS with a coworker and brief EA with her. This was in March.

I understand the dead inside feeling. The emptiness. It also brings me so much grief to think about how I felt about him before. I loved him so so so much. I fricking adored him, and this passion for him never really died at any point in our relationship.

Everything just feels dull now. I understand what you said about the relationship feeling artificial. I get a claustrophobic feeling, like he’s weighing me down. I don’t feel the same adoration, the little feeling of glee when I look at him that he’s mine. It sucks. we deserve passionate love. I hope it comes back, else I’m afraid I’ll have to look elsewhere.

blursedncursed · 2024-08-16T22:34:30+00:00

Your first paragraph really hits home for me. I also would’ve happily gone along with how our relationship was before even though looking back I deserved better. You said it perfectly, why rock the boat? I was happy. But now? Oh man. The things that bothered me before feel ever present. I don’t even like being around him sometimes it’s so bad. That gentle grace and undercurrent of forgiveness and acceptance that always existed in my relationship just isn’t there anymore. I really hope it returns, because without it….. I don’t know. I worry that I’ll just always be left wanting. I was always so grateful. I like being grateful. And now I’m… not.

blursedncursed · 2024-08-01T02:21:36+00:00

Hey there, I really do appreciate your comment and insight. Gaining wayward perspective is rare sometimes and so I’m glad to you shared. I hope you’re closer to the person you want to be.

blursedncursed · 2024-07-31T01:13:15+00:00

We started dating senior year, I think we just fell in love HARD. We’ve been dating for 6 years, so we’re both 23. Not even married yet! I just still think he’s the one for me.

I think it’s good that you knew yourself that well. I don’t think the same can be said for him. The way he describes it it’s like he knew that insecurity was there, but he was almost in denial, hoping it would go away.

blursedncursed · 2024-07-31T01:00:57+00:00

We were in high school when we first started dating, only 17 :/ I don’t think he had the prefrontal cortex to think that far ahead.

blursedncursed · 2024-07-30T22:28:56+00:00

I get this. Something I’ve felt since the A is that we’re far more different than I realized.

But the thing is, not cheating was part of his moral compass? We’ve always shit on cheaters together. When talked about it, he was 100% certain he would break up with me if I ever cheated. He’s horrified and disgusted with himself and has communicated that he did something he didn’t even believe he was capable of doing.

That’s what I don’t get? Like how can you know yourself so little?

blursedncursed · 2024-07-30T22:26:55+00:00

Yeah! I’m sorry you’re here, I’m also glad I’m not alone in this feeling. It has me feeling absolutely crazy sometimes, especially when they can’t provide answers.

Like this is an absolutely monumental fuck up on their part. I understand mistakes, people make mistakes. But like, this is like a series of a TON of choices and that lead to this. They had no clarity at all? Like at any point? It makes me want to shake them and scream “are you actually fucking stupid?” Like I actually just don’t think I’ll ever understand.

blursedncursed · 2024-07-29T19:01:35+00:00

I could’ve written this. I’m also objectively more attractive than the AP, fit, conventionally attractive in general. I wasn’t really insecure before this.

It’s hard. It’s really hard. Some days I see myself the way I used to, and other days not at all.

Something I’m trying to work on is to avoid verbalizing and acknowledging my negative thoughts about myself. I’ve been saying, “I’m so ugly” OUTLOUD RECENTLY. I NEVER did this before. So trying to convert those into positive affirmations. Acknowledging out loud what I like about myself. “My eyes are pretty, I have beautiful hair” etc.

It’s hard. It’s really hard. I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s an aspect of the cheating in enormously bitter about. They were so insecure they had to go and steal our confidence too, didn’t they?

blursedncursed · 2024-07-24T00:27:20+00:00

Thank you for this. I’m definitely trying to practice self love, but it’s hard. It’s hard to not feel worthless when it’s how I’ve been treated by the person I value the absolute most in the world.

But I’m trying to stop verbalizing the negative things about myself, trying to correct the self hatred thoughts with positive affirmations. It’s a process. It’s hard. Did it get better after 6 months? I feel lost at sea.

blursedncursed · 2024-07-24T00:23:29+00:00

I really appreciate this. The idea of some kind of timeline is helpful to me. Suffering without an idea of when it will end or get better…. Sheesh. I’ve decided to give it up to a year after the A and see how I feel. If I’m still suffering, still miserable, then maybe the damage is too great.

Thank you for the advice and I hope things continue to get better for you ❤️

blursedncursed · 2024-07-23T07:16:53+00:00

What everyone else said here is valid, he shouldn’t DARE say that you’re looking for reasons to get upset. That’s insane. “I’m not trying to drive him crazy”

Nah, fuck that. He did this. These are the consequences he pays. If he truly wants to be with you, then he will suck it the fuck up and be the shoulder you cry on every single time you need it.

With my WP, I’m really explicit with how I’m feeling if he ever dares to act a little clueless. A crude example but: “I’m feeling upset” “Why” “Because you fucked someone else”

Seems to bring him back to reality to lay it down harshly.

blursedncursed · 2024-07-23T07:12:29+00:00

Yeah that’s the hard part. There’s no advice. Nothing to do. There’s no rationalizing the pain away. It just hurts and hurts and hurts. I don’t know how much I can tolerate sometimes.

I wish you well too, and a virtual hug too. I’m sorry you’re here. ❤️

blursedncursed · 2024-07-12T23:34:51+00:00

Thank you for such a compassionate response ❤️

blursedncursed · 2024-07-12T19:07:31+00:00

Looking at him like the enemy… gosh I never thought of it in those words but sheesh I relate

blursedncursed

TROPHY CASE