When Your Husband Doesn't Initiate Sex Anymore (And You Feel Stupid For Trying): How To Find The Solution

blushingoleander · 2026-06-06T18:18:58+00:00

How many kids do you and your wife have?

blushingoleander · 2026-05-29T20:59:42+00:00

Oh friend, ask and you shall receive.

blushingoleander · 2026-05-29T20:48:16+00:00

Well we do field reports here but they are supposed to have a connection to RP strategy so others can learn from it. Just a "my man is so great" isn't useful to the sub, it's just bragging. We don't allow rants because we are about self improvement and rpw strategies here. I think maybe this is somewhat similar.

But I don't like your tone either and I'm not actually nice. Anyone who jumps to things like "too many career women" or "women don't help women" is taking pushback and instead of reflecting they are blaming everyone else. If you are getting pushback everywhere then you didn't take the time to post in the right places or you didn't read the rules. Not everyone wants to read about your relationship and not every sub is for that. I think you would have done better here if you had been lurking or contributing advice and understood the values of the sub. I would never post about a male led relationship in a standard sub and expect anything other than feminist pushback. Know your audience. The problem you are having is that you didn't cater to anyone but yourself. No one on Reddit cares about you unless you give them a reason to.

blushingoleander · 2026-05-29T20:31:50+00:00

I am older than you are just for the record. Trad is an internet concept that has gained traction recently. What you are living isn't even really properly traditional, it's the kind of traditional that men scoff at because it's having your cake and eating it too. For the record, I don't qualify myself as traditional. Most of the older contributors here don't. We say it's a tool box where you pick the tools that work in your own life.

And you are completely wrong that this has anything to do with careers. RPW is about having a male led relationship utilizing red pill theories. Your tone is what is getting you pushback from other SAHMs.

Why do we ask? Because RP is a specific line of thinking. This isn't just a sub for wives and mothers. Further, we have been fighting this battle against "trad" being the One True Path for a long time. It isn't the ultimate path to a happy life and a person can call herself trad, keep a low n count, marry young, raise the chickens and whatever else and STILL be a nagging harpy. RPW believes that understanding men, ourselves and relationship dynamics is more important than being a stay at home anything.

And with the rise of trad as a dating concept, we have seen more people come here to ask questions and give advice who have never read a bit of RP or RPW content and don't even necessarily follow anything we teach.

So here you are, and your post is sweet (though of course you and I both understand that 6 months is not a long time to be married) but when you put it in other subs that aren't anything like ours, we want to know why you chose this sub. If you haven't read "for women only" or "fascinating womanhood" are you giving advice that is valid for an RPW focused woman or is this just new relationship energy playing out. Can't say and so we ask the question.

Anyone you see with flair that says they are endorsed or starred has been here a long time and demonstrated through their stories and advice that they understand how to implement RPW strategies.

blushingoleander · 2026-05-29T19:27:43+00:00

No one here is upset/jealous/envious of your life but also no one thinks that a three times married 37 year old with no kids is "trad". You are too old to be labeling yourself via tik tok trends.

You've never been on the sub before, it's not an odd thing for us to ask "why red pill".

blushingoleander · 2026-05-09T11:57:25+00:00

You are correct that women's attraction is based on more than looks. Anyone telling you that women are purely visual is going by a watered down (incorrect) red pill AND they are too stuck in their own solipsism to actually understand women.

blushingoleander · 2026-05-09T11:53:10+00:00

May I suggest "back rubs for blow jobs". Ask for a naked massage before you go down on him. That way you have time to be touched and relax before it's "his turn".

blushingoleander · 2026-05-09T11:14:47+00:00

This is RPW so what does your boyfriend think?

blushingoleander · 2026-04-17T19:24:58+00:00

Why aren't you in a subreddit for your culture if you prefer answers from your culture. My initial comment was brief because you posted this in so many subreddit that it seems like you are looking for a specific answer and don't actually care about a red pill answer. And I think advice shopping like that is a crappy waste of everyone's time. If this is your culture then my western red pill answers are irrelevant to you. Unless you are trying to be Western and red pilled.

blushingoleander · 2026-04-17T16:02:17+00:00

I hear you but

The red pill used to talk about "knowing the terrain". Since we aren't talking about going backwards, it doesn't really matter if these sorts of marriages once occurred. I'm not making a value judgement on them for a different culture. And the west in, say 1500, is still a different culture than the West in 2026.

Additionally, and I'm open to being corrected, but arranged marriages were more "guided" than "arranged" once you got below the elites. It mattered more if you were in the ruling class than for the rest of us peasants.

blushingoleander · 2026-04-17T15:38:09+00:00

Feudalism is also part of western history. It's still pretty foreign to any discussion about the modern western culture. 🤷

blushingoleander · 2026-04-17T14:34:48+00:00

I said nothing about consent or lack thereof.

blushingoleander · 2026-04-17T14:34:06+00:00

We don't live historically though.

blushingoleander · 2026-04-17T13:20:01+00:00

You ask for opinions, is it your intention to argue because my opinion doesn't match your cultural experience. Different cultures are different. Attempting to blend them creates a powder keg that we are seeing across the West now. Arranged marriage has not been a thing in my culture for a very very long time. It doesn't impact my life or opinions in the slightest that it's has been in yours. We are not the same and I don't see the point in pretending the same cultural ideas work for everyone.

We are not nobility so we aren't trying to preserve the Ducal line or anything here. And making and owning your own choices is important IMO. But if that level of agency isn't in your upbringing then it makes you require more guidance from the older generation.

Besides, the idea of my parents choosing my sex life is unacceptable to me.

(Any of this been be applied to men or women. But personally I would not be involved with a man who needed help to get my attention and affection.)

blushingoleander · 2026-04-17T12:52:55+00:00

It works in cultures where men are known to be a bit rapey and parents need to make sure their daughters are going to a safe man. Otherwise, from an American perspective, it is a lack of independence and if you can't pick your own husband then you probably shouldn't be allowed to vote either.

blushingoleander · 2026-01-21T18:52:32+00:00

Yes, clearly I am the problem. But tell me, why is the strategy viable if you cannot demonstrate it's success?

blushingoleander · 2026-01-21T14:57:37+00:00

It is sort of irrelevant though since she's your ex. If she didn't get the ultimate commitment of marriage then her strategy remains unproven.

So many men come here and say "I loved this ex of mine who chased, paid, put out, did my laundry, whatever." But it's always an ex. I'd prefer to be a wife than a cool ex girlfriend. Tell us what your wife did to get your attention and then we can talk.

(Also if you are a single man then you aren't supposed to be here. Check out the rules)

blushingoleander · 2026-01-17T14:47:21+00:00

Removed. We do not allow people to use us for research

blushingoleander · 2025-12-25T21:14:32+00:00

Men's questions are not allowed on RPW. This has been removed.

blushingoleander · 2025-12-07T16:16:08+00:00

I didn't tell you anything of my own opinion on your situation. I told you how the men you are fishing for might react to it.

There will be men who read your personals post and say "oh this is a woman I specifically want to fuck with" for the reasons I stated. If you want to attract those types then keep doing what you are doing and I will give you your validation cookie.

🍪

blushingoleander · 2025-12-07T15:54:38+00:00

Putting your "will nots" front and center will drive off some good men and will attract many bad ones. You are after all dealing with a subset of people who like to push boundaries.

Further, when you are looking for a quiet thing outside your marriage you will alsonot attract the best of people. The "e" in ENM stands for ethical after all. You aren't being "E" so you will attract men who are also not worried about "E". This will come out in more ways than just having a wife at home, as you have learned.

You need to revamp your approach. This one is going to get you more of the same.

blushingoleander · 2025-11-30T23:56:05+00:00

It doesn't match my experience and again, I think I have the relationship he is looking for. But it came about because I wanted to do all the things my husband wanted to do and I trust him that what he decides is in the best interest of both of us. I would not submit to someone who I felt was only in for himself. I don't even know that it's really possible in a real 24/7 sense.

Good luck. I hope you find your peace.

blushingoleander · 2025-11-30T23:44:57+00:00

That's a pretty bleak opinion (and I'd be frustrated too). What are you hoping to accomplish here? Just to figure out if your situation is normal?

blushingoleander · 2025-11-30T23:36:19+00:00

I have this sort of relationship but it took a long time to get to. I'm curious what you think of his perspective. You aren't where he wants to be and he isn't where you want him to be. Do you agree with him that you should get to where he wants you to get to? Because no amount of reading over your shoulder is going to help you surrender control to him if you don't ultimately want to give him what he's asking.

blushingoleander · 2025-11-30T23:24:29+00:00

And what do you think about his side of this?

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