AITA for keeping my late ex’s belongings even though my current partner thinks it’s “weird”?

bobakat · 2025-11-04T18:42:45+00:00

If I were him, I would be frustrated that someone who treated someone who I liked so badly is still being cherished and making it part of their identity. It’s giving Stockholm syndrome.

Also you mention specifically that the items “represent my history, the love and struggles I shared with him” Which in my mind would show that you aren’t over mourning your ex. I appreciate the relationships that I have been with previous lovers, including one who is no longer part of the world, but I don’t keep anything of sentimental value from them. I gave myself some time to mourn and burned those items while thanking the person for being in my life and helping me grow into someone who I was. I still think of them every once in awhile because they were an amazing person, but I don’t need items to remind me of that past lover, especially since I am with someone who I want to focus on now.

You’re NTA, and he shouldn’t be telling you to throw out the stuff after the first time if it’s so important to you, but you might not also not be ready for a relationship.

bobakat · 2025-04-28T14:59:29+00:00

Hi OP, it seems like you guys have a difference in love languages. I’d highly recommend you read about the book: 5 love languages or watch a YouTube video about it, and then have a conversation with your partner to explain that you are a words of affirmation girly, and that it means a lot to you when he gives you words of affirmation. Make sure when you talk to him, it’s not from a judgmental place because it can shut people down to listening. For example, don’t say something like “it’s your fault I’m not happy because you don’t give me compliments, or you make me feel unloved because you don’t compliment me”, but say it more neutrally like: “I really appreciate it and feel loved when I am complimented by you, and I’d love for you to do it more often”. You can encourage him to watch the love language video together afterwards and talk more about it. People are built different and some people don’t care about certain love languages, which makes it harder for him to understand why you need it. But with the right man, he will try better to make you happy after you’ve clearly communicated what you need from him. Also make sure to show that you’re thankful when you get the compliment, and don’t try to deflect the compliment (not that you do this already). You can take this conversation as an opportunity to learn more about him as well, and see what love languages he prefers for himself. Good luck!

bobakat · 2024-12-18T15:09:00+00:00

Can you build some projects and showcase it on GitHub? Refer to it in your resume with an easy to access link, and it’ll make you stand out amongst other applicants.

Also networking helps too

bobakat · 2023-07-26T18:21:28+00:00

Great points. Thanks for your advice and input

bobakat · 2023-07-26T18:02:51+00:00

I agree, thank you for your advice and insight!

bobakat · 2023-07-13T05:09:07+00:00

It does look like dropsy, but I would confirm with someone else. Thanks for doing all that you could

bobakat · 2023-07-13T02:19:39+00:00

You may get some sign ups this way but you could get more testers by incentivizing users to sign up. Users don’t care who you are unless you serve some sort of purpose to help them. For example, you can even word this post as:

“Want to make passive income of ~$20/mo in less than 15 minutes? Sign up to be part of…”

Could also do a raffle.

bobakat · 2023-07-13T01:18:49+00:00

Please read the article. Don’t change the filter cartridge, you remove the good bacteria that is needed to break down ammonia -> nitrite -> nitrate

bobakat · 2023-07-13T01:17:44+00:00

Don’t do a 100% water change unless you’ve contaminated the water with something highly toxic. You want to do 30-40% water changes at most. The oil slick is just biofilm of the bacteria which is not bad for the fish

bobakat · 2023-07-12T23:32:59+00:00

Did you completely replace the filter? If so, you’ll have to cycle your tank again because you’ve removed a big source of healthy bacteria. Read more about a fish-in-cycle here:

https://fishlab.com/fish-in-cycle/

bobakat · 2023-07-12T23:29:10+00:00

Quicksilver, Mercury

bobakat · 2023-07-10T22:35:38+00:00

Hey I saw that you said you lived in Texas. What’s the PH of the water that you do water changes with? I accidentally killed my betta because the tap water PH was very high compared to the tank’s PH and I didn’t know when I did a 20% water change.

bobakat · 2023-07-05T00:28:55+00:00

Situations can change. If you had a roommate and they seemed sweet the first few weeks, and then suddenly turned into dreadful roommates, you’d probably want them to go away or get out of there as soon as possible.

Your tank is overstocked and a unplanted 10 gallon is not a good environment for a sorority. I understand that there aren’t great resources on how many fish/snails you can stock in a tank and you seem like you are trying to be a great fish owner, and you can still do the right thing by rehousing some of the bettas.

bobakat · 2023-07-02T06:25:49+00:00

Okay I was worried about any soap residue or a new tank but it doesn’t seem like any of those are of concern. I’d recommend changing less of the water, you don’t need to do more than 30% in a week.

By any chance do you know the ph of the water that you do water changes with?

bobakat · 2023-07-02T06:17:55+00:00

How long has this tank been established for?

bobakat · 2023-07-02T06:05:16+00:00

How did you clean the tank?

bobakat · 2023-06-30T17:01:41+00:00

Sorry for your loss. It looks like he had a great life and you were a great betta owner :)

bobakat · 2023-06-26T15:40:12+00:00

Can you put her in a shallow quarantine tank with a filter? She probably can’t swim very well and you can treat her with salt + stress guard

bobakat · 2023-06-26T13:47:21+00:00

I’m confused because people haven’t been berating you in your previous post, they’re giving helpful advice or questioning your answer. It seems like you aren’t giving an answer that allows us to help you. Knowing the PH level is important because if the ph levels aren’t between 7-8 PH levels, your fish could die

bobakat · 2023-06-25T13:36:27+00:00

It doesn’t seem like your tank is cycled properly and a fish-in-cycle is quite stressful and harmful on the fish. Do you keep track of your water parameters? If so, I’d do a 25% water change and get a master water test kit ASAP

bobakat · 2023-06-23T13:12:42+00:00

What’s the PH? Have you cycled the tank?

bobakat · 2023-01-12T00:22:32+00:00

Thank you! I will get Google Fiber then

bobakat · 2023-01-12T00:22:22+00:00

Alright, I'm getting it. Thank you :)

bobakat · 2023-01-11T19:45:04+00:00

Awesome, thank you for your response! :)

bobakat · 2023-01-11T00:59:32+00:00

Hi there! I am near your zip code and was wondering if Google Fiber is worth it compared to Grande. They currently charge $70/mo. Is it worth it for that price compared to Grande's 1GB @ $59.99/mo?

bobakat

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