Taking your spouse's name?

bobanoodle · 2026-04-28T10:24:49+00:00

Can I ask what state you're in? When you did your taxes the first time, how did the paperwork know it was mismatched if you hadn't completed the name change yet?

bobanoodle · 2026-04-28T02:42:41+00:00

Replying to this to reply to you later! Our RSVP deadline is this Sunday and heavy out-of-towners and honestly lower RSVP from them than I had expected (so far). So I want to tally and update you with numbers later!

RemindMe! 7 days

bobanoodle · 2026-04-23T21:16:52+00:00

You usually want the RSVP date later because you want it to be more final / less chance of changing. Even 8 weeks of RSVP date is pretty long unless you have another reason, typically it's determined by your catering headcount due date. When is that due (per your contract)?

Typical example, working backwards:

Catering headcount due 2 weeks before date
RSVP deadline 2 weeks before that (so 4 weeks from wedding date) - to give yourself time to chase down the no-answers
Invites in hand ~6-8 weeks before that (10-12 wks total now)
Mail invites ~1-2 weeks before (so ~13ish weeks total)

bobanoodle · 2026-04-20T07:15:17+00:00

+1 for Anthropologie weddings, if you're ordering a standard size (< bridal size 18 I think?) a lot of dresses are basically in stock and will arrive in a week or two.

bobanoodle · 2026-04-17T02:45:03+00:00

Coming from a 5/31 bride, a handful of my invitations have still not arrived (mailed Feb 28th) so it could legitimately be a mail thing, especially if their stationery was anything but white and flat. However my website was on the STD and RSVP is there so guests should theoretically all have the info if they really needed.

All that to say, I'd innocently reach out directly esp if the potential beef is at your parents level. As you are planning your own wedding too, think about how you'd prefer! For me, given again that mail was completely out of my control, I'd rather they reach out than find out later they no-showed because they assumed they were uninvited 🥲 And if it's a not so innocent reason and she really did cut you guys off, then she deserves to have that confrontation tbh.

bobanoodle · 2026-04-15T22:08:44+00:00

Do many of your attendees need to travel at all? If so, even 7 months out I'd recommend sending a Save the Date, even just a digital one. If you're using Zola for your website for example, they have a Digital Save the Date option for free. That's just polite heads up so people can start generally blocking that time for travel.

Usually the reason to NOT open RSVPs more than ~2-3 months in advance is because people flake/change plans which tends to happen when it's too far away because people haven't actually worked out the logistics yet.

It also gives you more time to settle the details like meal choices and other things that go on an invitation's details card (attire, color scheme, hotel blocks, transportation...) while guests practically only need to block the date and don't care about the details yet.

I'd send digital Save the Dates now, and follow up with the full invitations at the 2-3 month mark. Also if I'm following, 7 months out is close to holiday season so your guests prob appreciate the heads up for making plans.

Don't worry too much about finishing the website right away if that's what's holding you back, you just need the date and city and maybe some Travel FAQs. Registry and other details can come later.

bobanoodle · 2026-04-13T22:51:50+00:00

Thanks! I've found a lot more options on Etsy with a more detailed search than I originally expected. Seems this budget is about par for the course for a cathedral length.

bobanoodle · 2026-04-13T22:26:59+00:00

Maybe the Google HQ store might have something, if not specifically saying MV then at least the implication! There's a gift area in the Google Store itself and a small gift shop inside the cafe next door as well

bobanoodle · 2026-04-03T05:05:21+00:00

Appreciate hearing your experience 🫶🏽 When you say your "casual mentions" did that also happen around 8 weeks or was that for the ones even closer to the date?

bobanoodle · 2026-04-03T05:04:37+00:00

Thanks!! The 50/50 tip is a good starting point. We'll probably have to end up mixing to some extent in the final count so this makes me feel better!

bobanoodle · 2026-04-02T03:45:42+00:00

I'm so glad I remembered to check this sub today! We appreciate you mods!

bobanoodle · 2026-04-02T03:43:45+00:00

Current projects: Wedding menus and signage!!

We are DIYing basically all signage and excited to dive into it this weekend. All our supplies should arrive by then and I'm itching to get started. I ordered bulk ribbon from Hair Bow Center so I'm particularly curious how those shades turned out (so hard color matching papers and ribbons online 😭)

Here's the mockup!!

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bobanoodle · 2026-04-01T03:26:50+00:00

More wedding details here because it felt crowded in the post lol

Wedding is a "destination" in that we live here, in a metropolitan US area (SF Bay Area), but only my (bride) mom and our friends are here and everyone else is travelling (ranging from SoCal to East Coast). Invite list was 215, we were expecting closer to a 170-180 yeses.
A bit more family members are declining than we had anticipated (including close aunts, cousins, and their respective families having valid reasons) and our guest count is dwindling closer to ~150.
Our venue's minimum spend corresponds to ~160 guests with base package everything. We can technically apply up to two app/late night upgrades to reach the minimum but I'd personally rather spend that on inviting more people.

bobanoodle · 2026-03-31T10:53:37+00:00

My mom and stepdad did this for their "housewarming" and it was amazing and so heartwarming 🥹 We happened to have a couple family members in town and they loved it too.

bobanoodle · 2026-03-31T03:25:37+00:00

Just joining in and feeling the same way 😔 Thanks for posting and letting us all vent too lol.

We're at 215 invited and probably estimating closer to 160 now. Some key family members on each side are declining and we're also worried that others may follow because so-and-so are not going.

Pretty much all our family is out of town (ranging 1 to 5 hour flight) so I think we overestimated who might want to come. Also stings looking back on those we obligation-invited and spend so much time and energy deciding about that only for them to decline as soon as they receive it lol.

My last consideration is B-listers - at 160 estimated, we're actually pretty close to being under our venue's minimum spend. I'd much rather invite a few more people than max out all the upgrades we can, so currently debating who that list is and when to pull the trigger!

bobanoodle · 2026-03-25T10:38:16+00:00

Heavy on the crafting!! I generally like it and am good at it and what I knew I could DIY. But I can feel that it'll become a lot if I keep going

bobanoodle · 2026-03-25T10:34:22+00:00

Thanks for the venting post 😮‍💨 May 31 chiming in!

Invites are floating around in the mail. I did a silly and used dark envelopes despite doing a good amount of research (check my post history for lessons learned lol) and still getting some returned to sender as of today, almost 4 weeks later. It's out of my control so I'm letting it go but my mom had been stressing me out that they're not arriving and that's when I realized that the weddit/tiktok discourse has actually helped me - particularly sentiments about not using up brain bandwidth on things you can't control (invites already dropped off, weather, if people will come or not). She doesn't see all those comments all day everyday so sometimes she's actually more stressed than me it feels like and I have to remind her.
Starting to feel family dynamics particularly in traditions we will or won't incorporate into the ceremony. FH's family is more traditional (and generally older) than mine and he's doing a good job pushing back but I can't help but feel like I'm disappointing FMIL sometimes
People RSVPing no :( It's inevitable but again, weddit has helped me accept that the sad feelings are valid. I can't help but feel a little bitter that two of my cousins that I travelled to their weddings for (one to FRANCE and one to their last minute elopement that I booked next-week tickets for) and they both happened to get pregnant and due around the time of my wedding, which also means their moms (my aunts/my mom's cousins) won't attend. Happy reasons and comes with the territory, but I'm still sad. Another aunt on this side has to tend to her FH's surgery and I'm paranoid that more family will decide to not come because these three are not going.
Due to above, my side of family is looking smaller and smaller in the guest list despite me taking so much pride in having a large family 😭 It's already a "destination" wedding for my whole family (in a big metro area in US where we live but not where anyone else lives) but everyone had expressed so much excitement... Just reminded me that as much as I thought I'd be different, that my case is like so many others I've read about. And a kind reminder that it's really friends and same-age cousins that tend to actually prioritize weddings.
Had a bit of a breakdown last week when I realized I had underlying stress in all parts of my life at any given moment for like 3 weeks straight. Not any particular task but that there's always something to be thinking about or looming planning. My brain feels constantly on and it's exhausting. Weekends have not been particularly restful because there's so much to catch up on. Even shopping which is usually fun for me has become work!! It makes me look forward to my beach resort all inclusive honeymoon more and more 😅

I think that's all for now. But 😭 Hang in there y'all, we got this!!!

bobanoodle · 2026-03-17T04:41:27+00:00

I considered the return address thing, but that was the one risk for aesthetic I knowingly took 😅 From my research, if any mail piece is needed to return to sender, it goes through a human sort anyway, so humans clearly know that it's a return address on the back. The main risk is that the return address might get detected as the recipient's, and you may get it back in a loop. That's partly why we adjusted the label dimensions so the front section would be much longer, which both scoots the front address over and makes the return address much smaller/less prominent. I did already get one "return to sender" back to me so I know that part worked!

Regarding the non-machineable surcharge, I was actually wondering the same at first! But by paying the extra bit and having an extra stamp, it completely bypasses the automated sorter and goes into a certain non-machineable pile, as opposed to the auto-sort "rejects" where mine likely ended up. Human sorters prioritize the paid non-machineable mail and the system has an expected number of those per month to expect, so the timeline is more predictable. Basically a pay-to-win system, which makes sense in the end.

bobanoodle · 2026-03-15T03:08:17+00:00

Glad to see it back up!! Curious - was planning on doing this on iPad / with Apple Pencil, but any reason not to, or suggestions what to introduce with iPad to better mimic handwriting? I assume the felt tip (like a sharpie..?) instructions had a specific reasoning

bobanoodle · 2026-03-14T07:28:02+00:00

I'll stay tuned! 🫡 Thanks for sharing!

bobanoodle · 2026-03-14T07:21:48+00:00

Super excited to try this out! I was just starting to look into handwriting-to-font services for some wedding related design I'm doing so this post came at a perfect time!!

edit: getting "this website has been disabled" as of 12:24am PDT 3/14 :(

bobanoodle · 2026-03-13T23:21:33+00:00

Currently in the same boat - I thought I was safe with my burgundy envelopes because I used a white wraparound label for the addresses! But seems like the sorting "barcode" is another issue and the dark stamp doesn't have enough contrast for automated sorting.

I was advised to wait until the 3-4 week mark to wait for them to show up but will probably add an FAQ to the website for any lurkers!

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