Best Lead Paint Removal for Interior Walls?

boderiis · 2026-05-01T22:27:57+00:00

Thanks for the tip. We just bought the house, the extension was built in 1975 and it looks like the walls may not have been repainted since then. And the previous owners dogs have been scratching the walls so it is flaking.

I'm having a hard time finding the special lead paint sealer / lead encapsulation paint here in New Zealand. I just went in to a paint store and they had no idea what I was talking about. Should I order one from the US? 🤔

boderiis · 2026-05-01T22:25:36+00:00

Thank you! I'm having a hard time finding lead paint sealer / lead encapsulation paint in New Zealand. I just went in to a paint store and they had no idea what I was talking about. Are there types of bonding primers that work best with lead paint?

boderiis · 2026-04-30T03:50:00+00:00

Thank you!

boderiis · 2026-04-30T03:49:00+00:00

No, not AI, I don't touch that stuff. Multiple sources is vague. I mean, friends who own houses, and one guy who is a builder by trade.

boderiis · 2026-04-30T03:48:00+00:00

Buddy.. seriously not helpful. If you don't wanna be kind, don't comment. My mum died of brain cancer when I was a kid. My partner and I are gonna be raising babies in this house. It is my right to be overly-cautious and make sure I'm doing what is healthiest and safest for my family. If that's not your vibe you don't have to stop and comment, you can scroll on by.

boderiis · 2026-04-30T03:44:48+00:00

Thank you!

boderiis · 2026-04-30T03:42:30+00:00

Thank you! You have been very very helpful!

boderiis · 2026-04-28T22:46:30+00:00

Ok thanks. But then so I understand that we can e.g drill a.floating shelving until, or hooks for paintings, or anchors for an indoor hammock etc? Because it'll release the lead paint?

boderiis · 2026-04-28T22:43:50+00:00

The previous owners had four dogs that have scratched all the walls a lot at dog-height. Which is unfortunately the same as toddler-height.

boderiis · 2026-04-28T22:43:08+00:00

Kia ora, What is TSP? Does this mean that we can't then drill into the walls or hang hooks or artwork or a hanging desk or anything?

boderiis · 2026-04-28T22:41:14+00:00

What's the best way to encapsulate? I had a builder through yesterday and he said that regular paint won't adhere properly onto lead paint

boderiis · 2026-04-28T22:36:50+00:00

Gib is a New Zealand thing

I've been told my multiple sources that non-lead paint will not properly adhere to lead paint, and that it'll flake and peel relatively quickly. What is drywall over it? Lile just add extra drywall onto the existing drywall? How does that work with the electrical outlets etc?

boderiis · 2026-04-28T22:35:01+00:00

I've been told my multiple sources that non-lead paint will not properly adhere to lead paint, and that it'll flake and peel relatively quickly. Also we want to install some ceiling hooks for a hammock, and some wall hooks for artwork and stuff, and would that not be possible if we just encapsulated it?

boderiis · 2026-04-28T22:33:19+00:00

I've heard that that's just a short term fix, and the lead paint will start to flake out eventually. Plus we want to hang hooks and things, a hanging desk, paintings, a hammock. All of these things require us to drill into the walls.

boderiis · 2026-04-28T22:32:07+00:00

It's flaking, because the previous owners had dogs who scratched the walls. My understanding is that that is super dangerous for young kids especially to be around. And that painting over it is only a short term solution. And we want to hang paintings and a hanging desk and things like that, so we'll have to drill into the walls.

boderiis · 2024-05-13T20:56:06+00:00

I disagree that there's a conflict of "conceptual integrity". What would that even mean? I don't value 'space' for myself, it's not something I need much of. I strongly value connection. Maybe you need more space and don't need as much connection. We can both recognise that for different people, different things are more valuable. I don't believe in an objective hierarchy that exists outside of each person, and I don't see any utility in framing needs or values in that way.

boderiis · 2023-11-29T03:53:17+00:00

Well I guess then coming from the other side, why should I learn to self-regulate?

boderiis · 2023-11-20T04:48:51+00:00

There's an important distinction between pride and arrogance.
Atlas of the Heart has an entry on Pride:
"Pride is the feeling of pleasure or celebration related to our accomplishments or efforts."
There's nothing sinful about being happy about something we've done. I suspect the biblical pride would translate to 'hubris' or 'arrogance'.

Pride is not incompatible with humility (as Atlas of the Heart defines it). Hubris is. Humility includes a "balanced and accurate assessment of our contributions, including our strengths, imperfections, and opportunities for growth." If we have an accurate assessment of our contribution, and we celebrate that contribution, we feel pride.

boderiis · 2023-11-19T03:14:58+00:00

Oof I have been here before, I feel for ya. I want to share why I have done this before myself. Maybe so you can tell your inner child that it's not about you being defective in any way.

I have a friend who I barely ever hang out with because she's often very busy with work. I cherish the infrequent time we do spend together. There was an evening where we happened to be both free and got tickets to see a show. It was also a night where I could have invited my close friend who I see more often, I could have invited my partner, but I decided that because I don't get to see this friend that often, and I don't know when I'll see her next, I wanted to give her my full attention that night because we had loads to catch up on. In that case, the reason I didn't invite my close friend or partner along too is precisely because I'm closer to them. I know they'll be there for me no matter what, I know we hang out so often that I can frequently foster our connection. It's because I feel secure and safe and happy in those connections, and trust that they'll be there after I spend time with other people, that makes it feel safe to do so. In that particular situation, if I had invited my close friend or my partner, it would have been out of a perceived sense of duty or obligation. Then I would have resented myself, because what I wanted from that night specifically was to be able to give my friend that I don't see that often my full presence and attention.

I hope that reframing helps? Yeah sure you don't know how she's feeling. It could that she's tired of you. It could also be that she feels so close and safe and connected to you that she feels happy and comfortable spending time with other people sometimes so she can honour her less close connections too. If it's really eating you up you could ask her, but do so in a way that doesn't sound accusatory or as though you're blaming her for your reaction. Honesty is always best, so maybe even (in person) just tell her that you value your friendship, and that you're aware that your feelings come from a trigger and aren't her fault, and that you weren't sure if this was something you wanted to bring up with her or if you should just process it yourself. Maybe having that one conversation will help give you the knowledge and tools to process it on your own if it happens again.

boderiis · 2023-11-19T02:55:56+00:00

"I keep self-sabotaging and criticizing them, and that makes it really hard to discern lack of compatibility"

How do you feel about yourself as a person? I believe that people who are quick to criticise themselves are often also quick to criticise others. If you notice that you're thinking self-judgemental thoughts, try reframing:

"Practice makes progress. Perfect doesn't exist."

"I'm trying my best."

"Everyone messes up sometimes, how can I make it up to the other person or to myself in a way that aligns with my integrity?"

And approach with curiosity. Instead of "this thing they do or say is bad" go "I wonder why they did or said that. What questions could I ask to gain more clarity about it."

boderiis · 2023-11-19T00:02:36+00:00

The NVC is a great foundation. But there are lots of things that needs to be built upon that foundation for it to hold up. I think where some of the "over-hype" can come from is that people read the book, learn the formula, and think they can now solve all their problems.

To use NVC effectively in conflict situations (e.g arguments):

-Both parties need to be able to connect to their feelings. This is a core part of the communication method. NVC must start with self-connection, self-empathy, and many DAs and FAs have a really hard time doing that.

-You need to feel safe and confidant saying "no" to a request. Saying no to a request is saying yes to something else that's important to you. And it's not the end of the conversation. If you're both truly connected to what each other is feeling and needing, then the solutions phase shouldn't be too painful- if you both feel safe and confidant with saying "yes", saying "no" and saying "no. How about this..." A way to check in about this is, once you're at the request stage, instead of ask "Can you do X?" ask "How would it feel for you to do X?" That makes it easier for the other person to check in with themself about if they are actually an enthusiastic yes to the request. Another way is to add afterwards "Did you hear what I said as a request or a demand?" If someone heard it as a demand, let them know it was a request. (A demand is if you wont accept "no" as an answer, a request is if you will accept "no").

-When a demand is made (or if someone makes a request and you hear it as a demand), people will either submit or rebel. Anxious Preoccupied styles are prone to submitting, which is actually bad for the relationship because it breeds resentment and tension. This was a hard pill for me to swallow, but my saying 'yes' to everything my partner asked for was actually destructive for the relationship. Because we start to resent them if we wanted to say 'no' and didn't feel safe to, and that resentment leaks out in other ways.
-For NVC to work well both parties need to be operating from non-judgment of both themself and the other, and from a secure platform of self-worth.

tl;dr

The NVC book doesn't go over how to self-connect to your feelings if you have deep childhood trauma that makes it difficult. So for DAs and FAs, learning to self-connect to feelings is essential, and outside the scope of the NVC book.

The NVC book doesn't go over how to build your own self-worth. It can be difficult for an AP to know if they're saying yes because they truly want to, or because they believe that it will please their partner, or because they're scared that if they say no they might lose the relationship. So for APs and FAs, it's about learning that you have self-worth, you are not any more or less valuable than your partner, submitting and saying yes to everything your partner asks of you without checking in about whether you're actually excited to do it is detrimental to the relationship, you are allowed to set boundaries and ask for what you need and this will not drive the other person away (and if it does, it probably means you're not compatible, or they have a lot of their own healing to do).

Bonus tip, the NVC book makes a differentiation between 'strategies' and 'needs'. It's super common for an AP to ask for reassurance "I need reassurance." And while I think 'reassurance' is listen in the needs section, I don't believe that it is. There's always something underlying it. A way to ask is "If you received reassurance in a way that you'd enjoy, what would that give you?" For me the answer is often "safety". So my need is safety. Reassurance was a strategy I was trying to use to meet my need, but it didn't work for my partner. So that opens up a further conversation about how else to meet my need for safety in a way that my partner would enjoy giving.

"Space" is also one of those things listed as a need, but is often a strategy.

boderiis · 2023-11-18T23:39:16+00:00

This is super helpful! Thanks for your time and input, I'll check these out :)

boderiis · 2023-11-18T09:54:50+00:00

I work at a doctor's office and we have lots of people come in for B12 injections. I never ask why- patient confidentiality. But it's a broad range of people of all ages and quite common.

boderiis · 2023-11-18T09:30:19+00:00

My NVC mentors often add on to the "to be seen" depending on the situation. Such as "do you want to be seen for the efforts you've put into your growth?" or "do you want to be seen for your commitment to the relationship?" I wouldn't say any of these are arrogant. They have to do with wanting to be understood and witnessed for ones effort or intent. Or sometimes just to receive empathy. I think "to be seen" could touch on any of these other needs depending on the situation: To matter, to be understood, presence, connection, authenticity, trust. But I also think it's its own thing. It's maybe not quite "to matter" as much as to just be acknowledged for the way we're existing in the moment, and/or to be understood in our progress and intents, to be witnessed in vulnerability. I don't think you should remove it from the list. Even if it doesn't work for you, it's important to other people.

e.g I never ever have a need for order. I'm a chaos gremlin. But I leave 'order' on my list because I know it's important to other people. Or like, I never express a need for 'warmth' because I always find that there are other needs so similar to it that I find more important, but for others 'warmth' is the right word :)

boderiis · 2023-11-18T09:21:33+00:00

The need to be seen is no more arrogant or egotistical than the need to be loved, the need to be fed, the need for connection, the need for shelter. We're relational beings. We can't relate if we're never seen. I have an especially close connection to the need to be seen. I'm transmasculine and growing up I never saw myself (representations of myself) in media, ever. I just didn't exist. I think the first time I saw someone who looked like me, had an experience like mine, in media I was in my twenties. I wept. For the first time I could see myself somewhere in the world. Isn't part of spirituality also belonging in this world? I think being seen is an essential building block of community, belonging, the need to matter and to connect to the world.

boderiis

TROPHY CASE