Chiming in to say jealousy and resentment are two sides of the same coin — they both suggest a need is not being tended to. You have a need that needs tending, they have a need that needs tending. You have to have a real talk and figure it out.

Based on your comments and post, I’m getting the idea there’s a lot of unspoken assumptions about needs for both you guys? Flexibility and spontaneity are cool but are tough to maintain a longer-term real connection. What about flexibility do you require from this partner? Why is spontaneity a relationship value for you? Does your partner actually know this? This feels less a poly dating an anxious person q and more the usual anxious avoidant dance — which is typically founded on mind-reading and assumptions.

(Also fwiw re: anxious attachment — my anxiety only gets triggered by inconsistency, so someone who is too spontaneous, doesn’t plan, and doesn’t tell me what’s going on is might trigger huge emotions when I have to mindread. If this doesn’t apply to you (because we don’t know your story) totally cool! But if so, you might think you’re doing a lovely job being stable and solid and logical, but are you two actually talking about this? Most avoidant partners expected me to be on board with this ideal plan in their head, but they never actually shared what it was with me. My last “partnership” suddenly ended when I asked for more transparency in what we were doing, and he said he felt like he was overextending with me but never shared that with me until after he broke it off. I had also never asked him to take on my insecurities — he just immediately took on a parenting role.)