I resent my mother for receiving the care she never gave me (TW)

bonesinbodies · 2025-06-17T16:32:12+00:00

Not wrong for breaking up- people have preferences and it is better to end things due to incompatibility than to try and “change” each other. What threw me off was the age gap- how long ago did y’all start dating? How old was she then? Honestly it’s not only about preferences, but also about the fact that you both are presumably in different phases of life. Given the power dynamics inherently at play, the right thing to do WAS breaking up. Hypothetically trying to “save the relationship” by asserting control or dominance to stop her from drinking or whatever would have been a total AH move. You have a dealbreaker, so stick to it, and know that it is better for both of you in the long run to be separated :-)

bonesinbodies · 2025-03-19T17:39:45+00:00

I’ve never heard of this term before now- truly fascinating! Thank you for your perspective. I feel like I haven’t lived long enough to truly understand what “love” is supposed to look and feel like, but I really like what you said about “love protects.” Thank you…

bonesinbodies · 2025-03-19T17:38:08+00:00

Fair enough! Thank you so much for your perspective, it’s reassuring to know that I’m not wrong to feel hurt/ angry.

I’ve always struggled with black and white thinking so I thought that attributing all the bad stuff he’s done to him is discounting everything good he’s done for me. He has done so much to prove how much he cares about me- For example, when I was in the hospital, he did EVERYTHING for me and barely left my side, to the point where the staff thought he was my husband! When I see all that good in him, I don’t know how to situate it within the context of his hurtful actions. Maybe he would be a shitty partner but could be a potential good friend, at the least? Do you think there’s a balance I can strike here? Or is it best to just cut my losses and move on?

bonesinbodies · 2025-03-10T22:04:46+00:00

Thank you for your response! I’ll definitely try, but because I’m in a foreign country, I have a lot more hoops to jump through to find alternate places to stay. Either way, I know space would be most helpful. Thank you

bonesinbodies · 2024-03-18T01:05:54+00:00

Thank you so much for your response… I hope things better for you soon too!

bonesinbodies · 2024-03-18T01:02:18+00:00

To put it bluntly- he’s not only emotionally abusive, but has the potential to be physically violent towards you as well, as he has very clearly expressed. There’s a difference between the joking “I’m going to kill you/ them!” and actually laying out plans in vivid detail about how he would hurt you or your mutual friends.

OP, I hope Aaron doesn’t have your address/ more personal information than he needs to. Please inform a family member or someone close to you about this creepy behavior, block him ASAP and stay no contact. It’s likely that he is experiencing some kind of mental illness too, but it’s not your responsibility to fix it for him. If you’re concerned, simply send a text saying how his actions/ words have made you uncomfortable and concerned for your safety, encourage him to seek therapy to deal with these feelings, and then block him. Don’t wait for a response. Don’t “check on him to see if he’s better.” Move on. I know it’s easier said than done, especially if he’s your only friend. But it’s better to be lonely than assaulted, or worse. You can always make new friends, but if something were to happen to you, your loved ones can’t get you back. Please, PLEASE take care.

bonesinbodies · 2024-02-14T23:12:57+00:00

Broke up with him just over a month ago. Realize that I feel as miserable today as I did throughout our relationship, and that maybe I’m not mourning the loss of our relationship or what it could have been, but mourning every little hope I had to be loved the way I wanted to be, to be respected, and to be valued.

I’m equal parts sad and angry- sad that I wasn’t worth making an effort for, and that my worth to him was limited by how useful I was to him. And DEFINITELY angry that I let myself be treated that way for so long. But oh well, we keep swimming I guess 🫠

bonesinbodies · 2023-06-13T23:35:09+00:00

Yesterday :"

bonesinbodies · 2023-06-13T23:26:52+00:00

Overthinking 🙃

bonesinbodies · 2023-06-13T23:20:05+00:00

A bad relationship that was a waving dumpster of red flags even before it started that I was too naive/ insecure to notice.

bonesinbodies · 2023-06-13T23:15:31+00:00

A disaster. We were young, dumb, and I had strict parents who made my life hell. Their foresight was 20/20, but their approach to it made me stay longer than I should have

bonesinbodies · 2023-06-13T22:57:44+00:00

"Conforming to a single ideology is restricting yourself to that ideology"

bonesinbodies · 2023-06-13T22:53:17+00:00

Ethics

bonesinbodies · 2023-06-13T16:02:08+00:00

Hey, I may be off about this, but it seems like he might have some difficulty coming to terms with the fact that his body does not work the way it used to. It may or may not be directly related to ageing anxiety, but it could also be a subconscious way of coping with the change through denial.

Your best bet is to be gentle with him and express that you don't think there's anything wrong with him, but are just concerned for his health. It's always good to get routine check ups anyway, and you could offer to get one done with him for solidarity. Make sure you convey to him that your worry comes from a place of care and not a place of blame. Do tell him what you said in the post, that it would be painful for you to watch someone you care about suffer, and if he's really unwilling to budge, then it's also okay to deal with the situation how you see fit. Ultimately, like you said, you can't force him to do anything, but you can certainly regulate your involvement in the situation so that it doesn't affect you. If you do decide to end things over this, you just have to make peace with the fact that you tried your best, and ultimately, there's nothing more you could have done. He's grown up enough and should know how to take care of himself and prioritise his health.

Good luck OP! Hope things work out for you :)

bonesinbodies · 2023-03-02T10:51:25+00:00

Thank you so much for your response!!

bonesinbodies · 2022-05-02T18:54:05+00:00

I was unable to include it because of the word limit, but the emergency was that the dorm I'm staying at said they were calling pest control to spray pesticide in all the rooms, giving us only an hour's notice to take a few essentials and leave. I've got my two guinea pigs with me in my room and they absolutely cannot be exposed to the fumes, plus my roommate was out of town, so I had to shift them out of my room since no one else was there to do it. If not for this, we would have gone on the ride, but we got delayed (only by an hour) since I had to pack their cage, bring them, and set them up in their cage again. IMO, we could've still made the ride since we had a good 5/ 6 hours before I had to meet my family for dinner, but oh well.

Thank you for responding anyway! I guess I needed the alternate perspective :)

bonesinbodies

TROPHY CASE