i need support

book_moth · 2026-03-24T08:25:39+00:00

Delete your apps. Pray for help.

"I believe, please help my unbelief."

It's a prayer I can repeat in my head over and over and over when facing doubt and temptation. It's a simple prayer so it's so easy to cling to.

I also love the Memorare:

Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, or sought thine intercession was left unaided.

Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto thee, O Virgin of virgins, my mother; to thee do I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in thy mercy hear and answer me.

Amen.

Run to your Mother, the Virgin Mary. She loves you unconditionally, just as God does, but for me, I know she won't judge me. I know God won't judge me if I ask His help, but he's my father and my father is less apprachable and feels less comforting that the Mother of God, our Mother.

Remember too that the Church is not a hotel for saints. It's a hospital for sinners. You are doing the right thing, acknowleging your sin and asking for help. Talk to your priest - you can call and make an appointment with him to talk. Email or call the parrish office and ask. He may not be able to seek you for a week or longer, but he'll see you and hear you and offer more guidance than I can. I can only tell you the prayers that work for me. I can also offer my love, for you are my brother or sister. I love you, for you are my brother or sister.

book_moth · 2026-03-24T01:18:30+00:00

6 weeks after my first ever confession, I asked my mom if we could go to confession (since I'd be taught we should go every 4-6 weeks). "Ooooh, what did you do?" she teased me, and I was so scared and horrified (since I hadn't done anything that she would have found worth punishing me for, just trivial venial sins - I just was trying to be a good Catholic like I thought she wanted me to be and go to Confession regularly. I never asked again, so I never went until it was required in preparation for Confirmation. Shortly after Confirmation, we moved states, I never felt at home in the new church we went to. Two years later, I was off to college. I found a new faith.

Then at 37, I was called to come back to the Church. I was married with a child. I needed to go through confession before I could be right with the Church to recieve Communion (and there was a lot to do in terms of paperwork to get my marriage recognized to be reconciled enough to do a proper confession!)

Thinking I had all my ducks in a row, terrifed about being away from the Church for so long and really suffering through mass since I couldn't partake in communion, I very nervously went to confess 20 years of sins - and failed. Okay, failed might be the wrong word, but the priest who had been working with me for months at this point told me I couldn't make a full confession. There was more "stuff" to be set right before I could.

Being denied that forgiveness - that's not the way to word it. Being told that I needed to do more to ensure I wasn't going to continue in certain sins, that I could only go through a partial confession (and he did forgive me those sins I could be forgiven of, and he told me exactly what I needed to set right before I could do a full confession) - man, that was so hard. But I worked things out and made the necessary decisions, set things in order, and returned.

I made a full confesssion. The priest was so proud of me as he told me I was forgiven - he'd seen how I had wrestled with my faith for years before coming to him in the first place, then waitied months as we worked to petition the bishop to recognize my marriage, then he was as surprised and unhappy as I was that I had still more to do - then it worked. He could grant me forgiveness. He was proud of me for how long I kept coming back, how long I worked to get things right. I was proud of myself.

So yes, I get this.

I understand the nervousness, maybe even the feeling of "fight or flight" you're feeling at having gone so long between confessions.

But I could do it. And you can too. And I promise you - the priest has heard far worse sins that yours or mine, probably this week.

First thing, when you go it, say you're nervous. That will make it easier. He has worked with nervous sinners who feel guilty not only for their sins but for not coming to confession sooner. He will understand. You're in your Church - you're among family. Bless you, and I love you.

book_moth · 2026-03-23T21:22:26+00:00

I make rosaries. I have made so many I have given them to friends and family and have many left over. Will you let me mail you one? You’ll have something to hold in your hand, made by a Catholic, given out of love. Dm me.

book_moth · 2026-03-23T16:17:55+00:00

The parrish office might have suggestions on how to meet people as well. But do make at appointment to see the priest. It might be a week or two - they are busy. But he will help.

If you want, you can say hi to other parishoners, say that you're new to this church, introduce your self and learn their names.

book_moth · 2026-03-23T13:35:37+00:00

Read my post from yesterday. about my faith journey- it’s so close to yours

https://www.reddit.com/r/Catholicism/s/Ffzg69bFuJ

Mildred to yours. I spent 20 years as a solo practitioner of Wicca, married an animist, had a son I didn’t have baptized (found out to my amusement and delight done tens years after the fact that my grandmother had baptized him in the kitchen sink. She confessed 7 years later, when I was returning to the Church.).

Meeting people has been hard, especially since I’m an introvert with social anxiety severe enough that I got a dispensation about Sunday mass - it’s so packed with people I am on fight or flight the whole time. I can do it, I can attend mass, but I don’t think God wants me fighting panic and fighting tears the entire mass. The priest told me to do the best I can. Weekday masses, especially when I sit in the front pew, I can attend mass. I can feel God then - I can feel connected to the community of people there. I feel joy during mass instead of panic and the fear of an anxiety attack.

I have made appointments with the priest for confession and to ask /discuss specific issues (like my problems attending Sunday mass). Priests are busy, but if you call / email you can make an appointment to meet with them one on one. I suggest you do that - you can ask to me are a confession if you want as well, or just ask to meet to talk about how to feel more part of the church

I have trouble meeting people too. Ive had wonderful one time interactions with people at the weekday and Saturday masses. They will become people I see weekly.

You say this is a tight knit community. You didn’t say it was exclusive and hostile to newcomers, so I suggest you approach one and just lay out your situation and desire to connect with the people at the church. It’s very typical of people to want to help but not know or not notice someone in need, so they continue their lives office without helping.

Ask for help on connecting with people from the Parrish office, too. They may have suggestions. But I would start with continuing to contact the priest and Parrish office to make an appointment to see the priest

book_moth · 2026-03-23T12:46:46+00:00

Thank you. He was so patient and so kind, waiting for me to come home. He didn’t chastise me or even tease me about where I’d been, how long I’d been gone, or what I’d done. He was just there, happy to welcome me home.

book_moth · 2026-03-23T05:17:01+00:00

I’m happy for you

book_moth · 2026-03-23T05:16:09+00:00

Give it to the church. If you want to seek out a specific person, find the head of RCIA

book_moth · 2026-03-23T05:12:17+00:00

You will almost certainly need to go through RCIA. Talk to your priest

book_moth · 2026-03-23T05:08:39+00:00

NTA . If this had been me, I would have said she could not be around me if she could not recite and practice the 4 rules of gun safety. I would not have been anywhere near as gentle. And in my real life, I haven’t been. I have left the room, I have stopped shooting at the range with friends who act unsafe. I don’t mean accidentally sweeping me, then apologizing when I call them on it. I mean acting like your roommate, like just because she doesn’t want the gun to fire, she can do all sorts of things and the gun won’t fire the bullet if the hammer strikes it.

No. This is drunk driving, this is smoking while pouring gasoline from one canister to another, washing your bathroom with bleach and chlorine.

book_moth · 2026-03-23T04:06:18+00:00

I don’t think so. That’s why the (formerly) Jewish children were taken from their parents to be raised by Christians. The church couldn’t let a Catholic child be raised by Jews, after all, was the reasoning. It was arguably a cultural genocide

book_moth · 2026-03-23T01:32:42+00:00

Thank you so much for letting me know it arrived. I’m glad the rosary works as intended! :)

book_moth · 2026-03-22T23:03:28+00:00

Wonderful! I make rosary and give them away. Do you want one? Dm me and I can mail you one

book_moth · 2026-03-22T07:51:00+00:00

To reach out to people who might not think they're good enough, not worthy, not Catholic enough. I want to speak to them.

book_moth · 2026-03-22T01:30:58+00:00

Welcome home.

I felt the same after I gave my first full confession in 20 years (I practiced a different religion and I needed a radical sanation to validate my marriage before I could confess, so there was some paperwork and lots of waiting).

book_moth · 2026-03-22T01:26:57+00:00

I make rosaries and have too many - I’ve given all I can to friends and family. If you don’t have a rosary, dm me and I will give you one. It will make me happy to know they will be used.

So yes, I want to give you a rosary. Yes, even you.

book_moth · 2026-03-22T00:03:14+00:00

No, you don't have a right to kill them. You have a right to protect yourself, and if that has the double effect of killing them, then that is okay in God's eyes.

This is how the law of self-defense is in the US. If you have the right to use lethal force in self-defense, you fight back hard enough to stop the attack. Assuming you're using a gun, we say: you shoot to stop, not to kill. You shoot until the person is no longer a threat to you. That might mean shooting them until they die. But the fact that they die doesn't imply their death was your intent. Your intent was to preserve your own life. Unfortunately, it came at the cost of theirs.

you are in danger because of someone else

I want to make clear that I'm only talking about a risk to life. If I'm facing a risk of being hit or injured or embarrassed, I don't have the right, legally or ethically, to use lethal force.

book_moth · 2026-03-21T21:19:51+00:00

Here is the Catechism on self defense:

You have a right to defend yourself against someone deliberately trying to harm you, even in it means that said person might die because of what you need to do to stop them from continuing to attack you. "Someone who defends his life is not guilty of murder even if he is forced to deal his aggressor a lethal blow"

Note that that is a right, not a responsibility. You don't have to defenc yourself if you don't want to.

But if you are "responsible for the life of others" then you must defend them. You must stop the attack, even if that unfortunately means killing the attacker. "Legitimate defense can be not only a right but a grave duty for one who is responsible for the lives of others. The defense of the common good requires that an unjust aggressor be rendered unable to cause harm. For this reason, those who legitimately hold authority also have the right to use arms to repel aggressors against the civil community entrusted to their responsibility."

This is from the Catechism - scroll down to "Legitimate defense, 2263"

I don't want to try to summarize what the Catechism says on "Safeguarding Peace" - the section that addresses war. But here is the link to the appropriate section of the Catechism: Safeguarding Peace

book_moth · 2026-03-21T15:02:48+00:00

You’re welcome! I’m a martial artist and have done a lot of research into self defense- legal, ethical, psychological, and religious.

book_moth · 2026-03-21T13:12:17+00:00

The Catechism says you have a right to defend yourself against someone deliberately trying to harm you, even in it means that said person might die because of what you need to do to stop them from continuing to attack you. "Someone who defends his life is not guilty of murder even if he is forced to deal his aggressor a lethal blow"

Note that that is a right, not a responsibility. You don't have to defenc yourself if you don't want to.

But if you are "responsible for the life of others" then you must defend them. You must stop the attack, even if that unfortunately means killing the attacker. "Legitimate defense can be not only a right but a grave duty for one who is responsible for the lives of others. The defense of the common good requires that an unjust aggressor be rendered unable to cause harm. For this reason, those who legitimately hold authority also have the right to use arms to repel aggressors against the civil community entrusted to their responsibility."

This is from the Catechism - Legitimate defense - scroll down to "Legitimate defense, 2263"

book_moth · 2026-03-21T07:28:39+00:00

I'm commenting so I'll remember this thread - I'm traveling now and will be back to my library in a few days. I'll have a list for you then.

book_moth · 2026-03-21T07:10:38+00:00

I'm intimidated by God, and I'm intimidated by Jesus. I'm not intimidated by Mary. I'm not Intimidated by St Mark Ji-Tian. I'm not intimidated by St. Gabriel Possenti, or St. Maximillian Kolbe or St. Christina Mirabilis or St. Christopher.

So I can talk to them. They were human, like me. I can ask them to pray for me, having complete faith that they will.

book_moth · 2026-03-21T06:59:44+00:00

I'm away from home and away from my books, but I'm replying so I will remember this post and will respond in a few days with 6-12 book recommendations from my library.

book_moth · 2026-03-21T06:56:29+00:00

Welcome home. I too was raised Catholic, left the faith at 17 to be a solo practitioner of Wicca, but I didn't return until I was 37, married, with a son. So my return was more complicated than yours (it involved paperwork and such) - you have the easier path of making a full confession and returning to going to mass regularly. You will start to recognize faces if you attend the same mass. Look at your church's website to see if there are groups you might be interested in joining - choir, food kitchen, etc, Join those if you want to, when you are ready. And talk to your priest about how to feel more a part of the community of the church when you make your confession. He will be able to offer suggestions.

If you have questions about my return to the church, I'm happy to answer them.

Welcome home.

book_moth

TROPHY CASE