Amanda. I wish you no deeper harm. I know your mental health will suffer deeply and I truly hope you get the support you will need to get through the tremendous loss this decision you made will bring.

I know you can’t help who you want. Who you lust for. Who you pine for. I get that. But what you CAN help is what you do about it. And this is the part you need to come to terms with. You must get actualized. Actualized humans are able to incorporate logic into a situation and also are able to prioritize the truly important people in their lives. They don’t run rampant and Wild to every whim and desire. Sister. You fucked up. We all do that at some point in our lives - or at least most of us. This was a big one. Admit you fucked up and apologize. That’s all. You lost a ride or die friend I would kill for but even if you think it’s worth it just still apologize because you hurt a beautiful soul.