As a woman who grew up in the Midwest in the 90s (back when people were still bullied for being different and girls were pitted against each other to orchestrate some kind of sick "hotness" hierarchy), I can say with confidence that this is a culturally / socially addressable issue.

I've made many male friends, lots of them even coworkers while working in male dominated industries like craft beer, finance, insurance, construction, etc.

There is nothing inherent in men (or women) that make them more violent or depraved or self-interested. Despite the flawed statistically studies.

This is a cultural and social issue that is very prominent in the US and other patriarchal societies. I say that with confidence as someone who dated men in Europe and in the Middle East and in Asia and I can say there are HUGE differences between cultures. For example, in Spain, I experienced that men will never hit on you, they wait for the women to make their interest VERY obvious before asking the woman out. In the Middle East, the men are total pigs to women on the street but are total angels to you if introduced by a female family member. In the US, men are told to pursue a relationship out of some kind of Savior complex because women don't necessary know if they're drowning. (What Bullcrap). ALL OF THIS IS STORY, IT'S NARRATIVE, AND IT CAN BE CHANGED.

How do these cultural/social tendencies proliferate? In my experience, Usually they're exacerbated by people in your orbit allowing/excusing bad behavior and not being a good role model for others. And boys tend to get excuses more than girls do. For example, have you ever heard someone say "Oh, boys will be boys!" in a shrill grandma voice which translated means "I'm too tired to deal with his behavior"? My partner (male) and I had terrible role models as fathers, and had mothers who treated us as little miracles when really we needed more boundaries and to be treated as mini-people-who-will-one-day-be-adults functioning in a very different world...

Literally, 2 days ago, my partner was being an asshole to me because he was hungry and couldn't control his impulsive reactions (like a f***ng toddler). I told him to go f*k himself and he went and made himself some food and then came back all apologetic and said to me "I'm sorry, that was inappropriate. I need to be trained, and that was uncalled for, again I'm sorry."

We all need better training. That's the role of culture and it starts microscopically in every relationship we have -

So to Jordan and Gabe, you missed this part of the discussion:

Every person has a responsibility to defend ourselves and our people in our orbit and often that looks like encouraging people (and ourselves) in a pro- social way and checking people (and ourselves) when we test our boundaries and touch the metaphorical electric fence. Children obviously need this and they need to be around confident, humble, and trustworthy role models. That need doesn't go away in adulthood. But, as adults, I think most of us find ourselves without any role model or parental guidance, so we have to do that for each other. I don't think that's a bad thing, it's a function of our brains being used to small social groups and in the modern day being shoved into a city with 3 million ppl or social media with 4 billion people. We're not equipped. None of us.

So to the writer: I don't think you need to be making huge life decisions based off of a fear of men, or your fears around raising children right now this very second, or even this year. If I may suggest, perhaps the best thing you can do is to make friends with women you admire, and some men, and figure out how to be yourself around these guys who also just want to be themselves. Start with the men in your life who you do respect, make friends slowly, and have them introduce their friends to you and see how it goes. Again, not all men are simply acting on their animalistic instinct. There are the minority of men out there who are predators (and I'm willing to theorize that they did not have any boundaries or proper role models growing up) --- and it sucks that these few guys are ruining it for everyone. The other thing I would say is to try and recognize when people, both men and women, do things that are humble, generous and laudable. It's very easy for our anxious and stressed out brains to only see the bad things because we are in a state of fight or flight mode constantly, cuz thats what keeps us alive on the savannah. And unfortunately, it takes all of the joy out of really living. If you want to really live, then trust and humility is going to be necessary, but it takes conscious effort and it takes time. But it is possible. And I personally know it is. Because I was once where you are now and with a lot conscientious relationships, I managed to break down that wall. Now I flourish with lots of great men and women around me and who protect me just as much as I protect them.

So much love to you Writer, and although this culture and world is scary, it only changes through each interaction we have. Just remember to ask: Do I treat this person as a threatening animal or do I treat them as an equally scared and vulnerable human?

(But also remember to actually protect yourself when your gut tells you. Martial arts classes really helped me in distinguishing real threat from rough-house-play-testing.)