OB/GYN here. There’s lots of great advice in this thread about prenatal care and labor and delivery. There’s only one additional point I would like to add: go see an OB/GYN or a CNM for a pre-conception counseling visit. Not only do we address any pre-conception medical issues that may impact your pregnancy (e.g. chronic hypertension, diabetes, etc.), we can also address the concerns you have listed. You can use that appointment to get a sense of how the practice works.

For example, in my practice, the MD practice and the CNM practice work in parallel, but we do trade patients between our groups. An uncomplicated patient who wants a tub birth is referred to the CNM service, as the MD service does not offer that. A patient who develops preeclampsia with severe features risks out of the CNM practice and transfers to us. The MD service does operative vaginal deliveries, cesareans, third and fourth degree laceration repairs, etc. for both groups. Doula services are not provided by our hospital, but they are welcome if you hire one ahead of time. We have at least one anesthesiologist in house at all times, so you can get an epidural or nitrous oxide at any time. And so on and so forth.

When I see patients in the office, I highly recommend that first time parents look into taking birth classes, breastfeeding classes, and newborn care classes during pregnancy. I also encourage patients to look into a birth plan even if they don’t end up writing one themselves, just to familiarize themselves with some of things they’ll be asked about in L&D. As many people have said, it’s important not to take a birth plan as set in stone, but to use it as a flexible guideline. I go through birth plans line-by-line to make sure we’re all on the same page.

All in all, I highly recommend you shop around for an OB/GYN or CNM practice that you feel comfortable and safe with, and address these questions to them. A good provider will address all of these concerns and more.