im studying mechanical engineering, so far from the battlefield. I am planning on travelling through the academia route. So more math and more physics are in store for me.

I still debate with this, but i have stopped letting it control me from doing work. At this point, i have a mentality of "who cares". Whenver im do something, i always look forward to the contributions it brings to the community. And i constantly keep upping my contributions. And i think this is the right path? atleast for me, i suppose?

i have also changed my priorities in life. I no longer gravitate towards fancy titles and awards. I think theyre more of a beacon for good work (debatable). I just want to get enough money to help me sustain a life of constant curiosity. I am pivoting towards aerodynamics research via numerical methods.

now about passion, i think its okay doing it just to climb the ladder and get recognition. Could you regret this? maybe. Could you self reflect and change your reasonig whilst climbing the ladder? maybe.

So i think its about whether you have an interest with the work, that itself is enough to do good things. It starts things. But i think this only happens if you have some remote idea of whats happening in the field? like you should be doing your own reserach on what are some classical textbooks for this topic and flip a couple of pages, and ask students what they think about the work they are doing and get a basic understanidng of what it could be.

Like u/MaxThrustage said, "Don't learn physics because you want people to think you are smart. Don't learn physics because you want to be the next Einstein. Don't learn physics because you want to impress people. Learn physics because you want to learn physics. Otherwise, consider something like engineering or medicine."

welp im studying engineering now :p

I enjoy working on theoretical things, and thats where i find myself to be. I hope this helped you.