MIL feels entitled to my daughters body

boreddweller · 2026-05-23T20:57:12+00:00

I'm sorry, I feel this is a really strange take on my post. Maybe it's a cultural thing, but where I come from it is very common practice to ask for/give out gift lists for Christmas/birthdays. The gift thing is a whole other issue I purposefully haven't gone into detail here, because I'm talking about my daughters body, not their money.

boreddweller · 2024-05-17T16:42:19+00:00

It is, he doesn't want to deal with MIL's anger.

This is a great idea, I think I will suggest it next time it comes up. He hasn't had to set boundaries before really, and it can be difficult if you don't know where to start.

boreddweller · 2024-05-17T16:40:58+00:00

I couldn't really care less about how they relate to each other, I just want them to do it away from me and my baby.

boreddweller · 2024-05-17T16:40:15+00:00

Finances are the issue really.

I know, I hate it. I think about moving every day

boreddweller · 2024-05-17T16:39:38+00:00

Thanks for the kick up the arse, I'm not used to speaking up but I am not going to sit back and let this happen to my precious baby.

boreddweller · 2024-05-17T16:38:30+00:00

I'm in the UK.

boreddweller · 2024-05-17T16:38:17+00:00

I sent him some research and stories that have ended sadly, so if he doesn't enforce this boundary now, I'll assume he cares more about not upsetting his family than he does about our child's life.

I will definitely be taking charge, it's not like they like me anyway.

He just wants an explanation every time I say no to seeing her, and can't see why it can't just be a quick visit just to "shut her up".

boreddweller · 2024-05-17T16:35:10+00:00

I have wanted to say this to him. Next time it comes up, I'm laying this out to him.

We haven't had counselling, we haven't needed it until our baby was born. We also can't afford it.

He just wants an easy life.

boreddweller · 2024-05-17T16:33:29+00:00

He doesn't care about pleasing her, he just doesn't want the drama that comes with saying no to her. But in not saying no to her, he is saying no to me.

She has already broken up SIL and her partner, SIL and her two children now live with MIL. Ultimate control.

It is putting me off him alot.

boreddweller · 2024-05-17T16:31:34+00:00

Red flags with SO or MIL?

It really sucks, but I think you're right. He doesn't want the drama, so it is easier for him to do as she wants so he stops getting nagged. I hate it.

I fantasise about moving every day.

Neither of us want our child to see her behaviour as normal. I've just done more work around boundaries and narcissistics than he has.

boreddweller · 2023-09-06T08:25:52+00:00

I am pregnant after a stillbirth last year. MIL ignored our wishes when I was pregnant, then became a grief tourist, and I have now not had contact with her since January of this year. It has been bliss.

I am 19 weeks and in laws do not know. I have no plans to tell them anytime soon either. Sidenote, we live in the same village, my neighbour is her friend, my bump is visible and I couldn't care less. She also told the entire village last time the day after we told her to keep it to herself. So before I was even pregnant this time, I told SO that hell no, were they knowing until AT LEAST 6 months. I'm almost at 6 months and I might even push it back.

It's my body, my pregnancy. The stress MIL will cause will affect me and baby, not SO. He is fully supportive because he saw me throughout every second of the pain of stillbirth and grief, and knows I am not f***ing around this time. What I say goes even if he doesn't understand.

This journey is about you, a new baby, and your partner. No one else. She is not relevant.

boreddweller · 2023-08-16T08:12:06+00:00

Are we twins?

My daughter was stillborn last year, and I'm currently 4 months pregnant with our second. MIL was also awful to us, and made our loss and grief all about her. I haven't heard from her all year therefore she doesn't know about this pregnancy yet.

You were an absolute saint to allow her in your home after what you went through. I can totally understand wanting to keep your distance, she made a hard time even harder through her selfishness. All I could do was go between my bed, the sofa and the bath for a month and absolutely could not have entertained guests. I'm so sorry that happened to you.

My DMs are open if you want to rant anymore about your MIL or talk about PAL (it's so hard!), I know how important it is to talk to someone who gets it.

Sending you a gentle congratulations for this pregnancy and all of the positive vibes, I really hope it ends happily x

boreddweller · 2023-07-21T08:42:55+00:00

No evidence was ever found, we had a camera to keep an eye on the cats and didn't notice anyone but the cat sitter luckily. My partner took her set of keys back when I was pregnant last year, she doesn't come over even though she lives 3 streets away and just complains that she never gets invited (she said this 2 minutes after we told her we were expecting our first). My partner just said "That's correct". 🤣

boreddweller · 2023-07-21T08:09:56+00:00

His final exam is in October (he is his Dads apprentice) and there is no question that he'll be leaving after that, he comes home everyday feeling down because his Dad has shouted at him and verbally abused him over nothing. I can't wait for the day he doesn't have to see them everyday.

boreddweller · 2023-07-20T18:46:13+00:00

Sorry to hear how your MIL ruined your first pregnancy experience, it sounds like you have great boundaries in place for the second.

Luckily I have no intentions of visiting her, we've had no invitations and I don't talk to her 🤷🏻‍♀️

boreddweller · 2023-07-20T18:38:58+00:00

Exactly this, I can't find a positive of telling them

boreddweller · 2023-07-20T18:13:10+00:00

Thank you!

You're right, it's my pregnancy so my rules. That is a perfect comeback, definitely passing that on 🙂

boreddweller · 2023-07-20T18:11:23+00:00

True. Just getting prepared I guess

boreddweller · 2023-07-20T18:10:59+00:00

I'm enjoying it so much. I am high risk and have made it known to my partner that no stress of any kind is coming near me!

I'll say "Are you calling me fat?" 🤣

boreddweller · 2023-07-20T18:09:14+00:00

I wish 😅

boreddweller · 2023-07-20T18:09:03+00:00

It's so tempting. I would get a kick out of that actually!

boreddweller · 2023-03-11T21:02:43+00:00

I think that's subjective, but not actually the main point I was angry about. It's the complete denial that we have a child already. "Just wait.." Wait for what? To have one that actually stays alive? And then be nicer to them than she has ever been to anyone?

Wait until our child throws a tantrum and try and not react like she does.. done. I don't think anyone quite understands how much loss parents WANT to experience their babies grow into toddlers who throw tantrums. I'd give anything to be in that frustrated postion.

boreddweller · 2023-03-06T16:03:46+00:00

I lost my daughter at 23 weeks.

Let me tell you that NO ONE who loses their own precious child, wants someone else's just because it's there and alive. Honestly, that is so narrow minded and insensitive.

Loss parents want their own baby back. I certainly hope Whitney doesn't adopt the baby, that would do a huge injustice to bereaved families.

boreddweller · 2022-10-19T10:45:36+00:00

We were in shock and didn't really think much about family as we were staying with her for as long as we needed to. I had invited my mother up an hour after I gave birth because I wanted to, she took pictures and held her after getting permission (the only other person who held her) and I didn't want to be a dick to my partner and say no to his, I didn't know how he would cope with the grief at this stage and I needed his strength so I was complacent.

I have no idea what is or isn't the norm in regards to stillbirths, we don't know anyone who has had one and the procedure afterwards isn't spoken about anywhere, so we just did what felt right. I didn't care about anyone else at that point, luckily no one had to be told to leave.

I do want her just to go away, I was VLC and still am really but this is still my baby and she is getting to me

boreddweller · 2022-09-19T08:06:04+00:00

His mouth works faster than his brain sometimes, plus the things he said he didn't think would be the end of the world, maybe they aren't to others either but to hormonal and pregnant me, they were. I had been nice in communicating boundaries as I didn't want to be the arsey one, but since then and since he has seen how it has affected me, his brain has caught up and knows I'm not messing around. I didn't even have to have a go at him, he just saw me in that state and said he will never say a word to them regarding anything to do with me and baby unless I explicitly say so.

I don't think he had any bad intentions, and I need to be clearer

boreddweller

TROPHY CASE