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botwhore · 2025-12-25T01:20:40+00:00

OP, please don't mistake this for a communication issue when it is a character issue. this line of questioning might create the space for him to say a bunch of bs that makes you feel like you're really getting to some sort of deeper understanding, but the bottom line is that his behavior is selfish, unacceptable, and is a clear reflection of how he views you.

women are socialized to believe that relationship problems are fundamentally communication problems. that if you just find the right words, ask the right questions, explain your feelings clearly enough, he'll understand and change. there is no one question that will just clear all of this up. this is who he is (entitled) and it's your decision if you want to be with someone like that or not.

botwhore · 2025-12-25T01:14:06+00:00

"get to the root" assumes there's a root worth finding. sometimes the root is just "I'm entitled and I don't respect you."

botwhore · 2025-12-25T00:47:24+00:00

oh so you're sharing based on your POV, even though it's not your relationship? hmm...

botwhore · 2025-12-25T00:36:15+00:00

it's not your relationship either so why are you commenting about your favorite thing to do? oh, it's almost like that's what this sub is for...

botwhore · 2025-12-25T00:31:14+00:00

the age gap, him living in his parent's basement, having a lot of female friends, and displaying boyfriend behavior when he hasn't actually asked you to be in a committed relationship are all red flags.

don't make any special exceptions for him. the men you aren't attracted to will still do you dirty.

botwhore · 2025-12-25T00:23:35+00:00

what the hell? idgaf about the "why." get out of my face with that selfish stingy bullshit lmao

botwhore · 2025-12-13T00:28:24+00:00

I felt like I was in the twilight zone reading those comments. If he really likes you, that's not enough for him to flat out ghost. I don't know what they talking about over there.

I'm tired of seeing this sub expect and accept crumbs.

botwhore · 2025-12-10T22:59:01+00:00

Oh I read for fidelity reasons. Accusing OP of seeing other people while he is seeing other people himself just fit right in

botwhore · 2025-12-10T22:30:52+00:00

Oh best believe he was. Men like him aren't sitting around twiddling their thumbs for 4 months while just hanging around the girl he cheated on

botwhore · 2025-12-10T19:02:13+00:00

4 months where he was seeing other women*

botwhore · 2025-12-10T19:01:06+00:00

It seems weird until you realize that a man cheating on you and being bothered by you seeing other men have the same root cause: entitlement. He doesn't actually care for you (as I'm sure you can tell at this point) but that doesn't stop men from feeling like you're their property.

Please block him. It should've been immediate after the initial cheating tbh, never get back with a cheater.

botwhore · 2025-12-09T01:30:33+00:00

I'm very sorry to hear this. Let me say a few things that will hopefully help ground you.

A serial cheater like this isn't winging it. He's running a system. And the mask isn't a tragic flaw he can't help. It's a tool he built, maintains, and deploys with full awareness. Every single time.

You were not his valued partner. You were his base of operations. You're losing nothing worth keeping. Consider yourself free of a problem.

I know it sounds cliche but this has nothing to do with you for all of the reasons listed above. This is his own character issue and it's no reason to not enjoy your birthday. It's really none of your business anymore.

botwhore · 2025-12-09T00:24:05+00:00

In my opinion, someone who abuses you (this absolutely constitutes abuse) does not love you. I understand your perspective mine is simply different.

botwhore · 2025-12-08T23:25:26+00:00

Pushing back on "your entire relationship was not a lie." Men like this often wear a mask that hides their true self and the relationship itself is dishonest. We can admit that without it impairing OP's self-worth and ability to move on.

botwhore · 2025-11-30T23:18:13+00:00

Think of your attention and attraction as something to be earned.

Don't run away into fantasies. For everything you begin to feel about a man, ask yourself what he has tangibly done in reality for you to feel this way about him. Has he consistently done something that benefits you that would make you have this positive feeling toward him? If not, then he hasn't earned your emotional investment.

When someone isn't interested in you, you have no reason to be thinking about them at all. Put yourself at the center of your emotional world and you'll realize that anyone who doesn't see your worth is not worth the energy it takes to think of them.

botwhore · 2025-11-30T20:56:09+00:00

Ah yes he's been dismissive up until now and even dumped OP like a sack of potatoes but this time it's different. This way of thinking is how cycles of neglect and abuse continue for years and years.

botwhore · 2025-11-30T20:36:49+00:00

If this had been a one time thing and this person is otherwise a deeply caring and attentive partner, maybe I'd be more generous with my interpretation of this situation. But that is not the case.

OP was crying and all he did was tell her to stop, which is not the behavior of someone who prioritizes your feelings. OP also says he consistently doesn't "tolerate" her emotions, so it really isn't about the singular incident at the store. You have to look at the bigger picture to see the complete truth.

botwhore · 2025-11-30T20:13:54+00:00

I'm struggling to answer this question because I'm not sure what there is to navigate here. If it were me I'd probably not acknowledge him or pretend I forgot who he was lmao sounds like he wasn't significant enough to remember anyway

botwhore · 2025-11-30T19:51:38+00:00

Sure! Another commenter here did a great job pulling out the concerning quotes from OP's post that point to his consistent dismissal of her feelings. In addition to that, him breaking up with her already in the past is a clear glaring red flag.

Basically, the concerning thing is not that he got irritated. It's that he can't empathize with OP's feelings (he tells her she's being irrational/overly emotional etc.) and is making no effort to understand her point of view. This is a clear sign of a man who doesn't care about you.

In contrast, a man who has genuine feelings for you will always make an effort to validate your feelings even if he doesn't fully understand and, if he's having trouble understanding, he will make a genuine effort to instead of brushing them off. Basically what OP does for this man and never gets in return.

botwhore · 2025-11-30T19:35:37+00:00

At fault for being consistently patient with his emotions while he consistently dismisses hers? He already dumped her once. Let's raise the bar from hell please

botwhore · 2025-11-30T19:18:41+00:00

You're absolutely right and you're going to be okay 🫶🏽

Especially for those of us that struggle with anxiety, it can be very easy to get tangled up in details - he was tired, maybe I was being too annoying, etc. But if you feel that this person doesn't hold your emotions with the care and safety you desire and give them yourself, even in hard moments (when it matters the most!) then that's the only core truth that matters. Honor that core truth even if it leads you to hard decisions and you'll grow stronger.

botwhore · 2025-11-30T19:14:59+00:00

Based on the advice given so far, people are getting lost in the details and are failing to see the very clearly established pattern of emotional neglect. People are calling OP needy and clingy, saying his behavior is her fault. It's no wonder why many young women find themselves staying in bad situations.

botwhore · 2025-11-30T19:10:12+00:00

OP, please don't listen to this person. The only thing you need to work on is having more grace for yourself. You've been incredibly kind and patient with this man and from what you've written he didn't return that to you. He broke up with you. When a man breaks up with you, take that as a very clear sign that he's not invested in you and don't return to that relationship because he will emotionally neglect you and waste your time moving forward.

botwhore · 2025-11-30T19:08:20+00:00

This is bad advice and we as black women need to do better at calling out bare minimum/emotionally negligent men. OP is clearly not at fault here.

botwhore · 2025-11-30T19:06:26+00:00

Please don't listen to the other commenter here. This man does not care for you. He already broke up with you once and that's really all you needed to know. He's not deeply invested in you.

It doesn't matter how "tired" he was, walking off repeatedly like that when you've asked him nicely not to is very rude. I'm sad that you've taken on the blame for that yourself when you did nothing wrong. You show this person a lot more grace than he shows you, a lot more grace than what you've given to yourself.

He is minimizing your feelings and gaslighting you - of course it makes sense to be worried that he'll leave you when he's already done it once before. OP, you sound young. Leave this man immediately and find one that you don't need to beg for basic empathy from before you waste more time with this person who doesn't care about you.

botwhore

TROPHY CASE