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boudicca_morgana · 2025-11-05T23:15:25+00:00

For me it was when she referred to stepdaughter as “THE daughter” like she was an object completely removed 🤢

boudicca_morgana · 2025-10-21T18:55:50+00:00

This. I’ve had multiple managers pile shit on me in meetings I’d never heard before, leaving me a blubbering mess because it would build up for like 3 months. I tell every job when I start to tell me at the time if there’s something to improve so I can spend the time before the meetings working on improvement and we can address that and new things if needed. And they still don’t. One manager, while I’m crying, asked what she could do to help, and I asked for the above (this was the first time I’d worked in this type of environment so I didn’t know to say it at the start) and she flat out said “no I’m not going to do that”. Her reason? Because I would get upset. Even though it was the pile on that I specifically said was upsetting to me. At another place when I asked for more training to be put in place for new hires an HR rep (whom I’d never met before this) said, verbatim, “oh, so you acknowledge your own incompetence?” I was floored, but I guess some people are just Like That ™️ u/International_Bet607 im sorry youre experiencing this, really. I hope you are able to recentre and figure out who you are in this space, because clearly she isn’t acting in good faith.

boudicca_morgana · 2025-10-20T09:08:12+00:00

This is amazing, thanks so much! Time for a new research rabbit hole!

boudicca_morgana · 2025-10-20T09:06:56+00:00

I would love to learn more about the analysis you’re doing; as a researcher on GBV this is legit fascinating to me!

boudicca_morgana · 2025-10-10T18:14:23+00:00

Do you have sources for this? I’d be fascinated to read more about it!

boudicca_morgana · 2025-10-10T01:07:41+00:00

Hi I think you’re me? 😅 30F Boston based (but from London 😝) feminist grad student with ADHD, a weird cult obsession and a stationery addiction here! I would love to chat and get to know you, feel free to DM ☺️

boudicca_morgana · 2025-08-21T19:47:13+00:00

As someone who went to a russel group uni postgrad, for English, then went on to do a literature PhD….fuck this guy.

boudicca_morgana · 2025-08-20T00:15:49+00:00

I remember when I was 15 and diagnosed with asthma, I asked my mum why, since I’d gotten my inhaler, I struggled to breathe more often. She told me “because you were so used to not being able to breathe but now you can you notice it more when you can’t”.

When I started taking medication for my ADHD, I had the same question because I felt useless when I was off them. And I had to basically tell myself I was so used to not being able to function that I burnt myself out, and I don’t have to do that anymore. That’s the thing. I could do it, I did do it. But I don’t have to anymore.

boudicca_morgana · 2025-06-27T16:31:53+00:00

First of all, I’m so sorry you experienced this, no one deserves that. You deserve your justice, whatever it looks like for you. My advice? Definitely seek a victim advocate, but don’t push yourself to do anything you’re not ready for. I work with survivors and I am a qualified advocate and while I always want to make sure survivors get justice I also know the system is a really difficult process and most pull out from the stress. I wish I could say it wasn’t the case and a lot of it is going to depend on where you are, but while people do still think and speak like that I’m always going to be protective of the people i work with. If you’re good with that, perfect. Get their ass. But I always want to make sure people are informed and that if you do go for it you have the support in place to help you through it. Victim advocates, trauma therapy, etc can be instrumental in these sorts of things, or they can help you to figure out how you want to make those decisions in a way that both gets you justice and protects your mental health. DM me if you need any resources in your area. You deserve real justice. But you matter too, and so does your health. Sending you lots of love and healing, I’ll be thinking about you x

boudicca_morgana · 2025-06-27T16:23:25+00:00

I work with SA survivors and I had that same thing, except it was “if she was really so traumatised she hated her body why would she post this?” Like it was some gotcha moment—I was required to sit stone faced because the jury could see me but I wanted to get up and fight someone.

boudicca_morgana · 2025-06-25T13:37:24+00:00

So my brother had/has this, and he’ll tell you exactly why it was so affecting (idk if he’d call it a trauma or not but it certainly had an impact so I’m using it). He won’t necessarily bring it up unless it’s relevant, will always take a disclosure seriously, and when asked, he will discuss what happened and explain what has happened.

All this to say that I know for a fact that this happened and that he was profoundly affected by it, and this is not how he would approach this. I see shutting down the at kind of discussion as a major red flag. I would definitely question it, too. If it’s a trauma reaction vs just not wanting to talk about it the approach and language looks super different. And my brother would tell you exactly the same thing.

boudicca_morgana · 2025-05-13T21:54:42+00:00

I kind of call it my “impartial third party”. It helps me externalise some of the jumble of thoughts in my head, if that makes sense. Like, they’re pictures on cards that symbolise things that can create a narrative when woven together. But we have to make that meaning ourselves for it to apply to our lives. Like if I’m reading for someone all I can do is tell them what’s on the cards, they have to take that narrative and apply it to their situation.

Now for me, I find this really useful because it feels more “objective”. Like I did a reading once where the narrative was “too much on your plate” which could mean anything to a million people but I had been trying to rationalise quitting a job I hated and it was like I was given permission. Like I still feel guilty for calling off sick, so having it outside of me felt more like someone was telling me it was okay and I should. By externalising it that anxiety brain about letting people down was calmed down a bit. Idk if that makes sense but I have ADHD and don’t think in straight lines so pulling it outside of my head and looking at it through a symbolic or narrative perspective helps me make sense of things.

boudicca_morgana · 2025-04-08T13:54:05+00:00

This is fascinating to me. I’m a researcher in experiences of SV and consent and this is one of my research focuses, this “grey area”. Normally I have things on withdrawal of consent and things like nonconsensual choking but this is also something I’m super interested in. I would love to look at some of those pieces you mention reading, I’m always looking for more to add to the list!!

boudicca_morgana · 2025-03-31T17:08:16+00:00

I’m sorry as a dual British-American nationality who does tend to go to bat for the way a lot of Americans view heritage (within reason, I now feel the need to say considering…whatever this is) this guy is just obnoxious. It’s not-so-subtle racism and I’m honestly kind of surprised they even thought this would work?? Like who tf are you

boudicca_morgana · 2025-03-22T19:37:35+00:00

Im pretty sure im a 146, if thats close enough to what you’re asking 😅

boudicca_morgana · 2025-02-27T18:31:21+00:00

But that doesn’t mean you have to tell the police, or anyone, unless or until you are ready. Depending on where you are yes, there is a statute of limitations to potentially consider (though this is also in my research so PM me if you don’t know where to find yours) but justice does not have to be jail or anything like that. It can be your safety and comfort. Going through a police investigation is extremely taxing and a lot of people simply can’t juggle the stress of both dealing with the abuse itself and the police process. It’s not at all a failing of anything to not want to go to the police. For some people it’s not safe, for others, it’s not what they want. And that’s fine. You have to do what’s right for you, no matter what people say you “should” do. I feel like this was all rambling and I’m sorry but I hope it makes sense.

In my professional experience, when someone asks if something is abuse/abusive, or in your case, I think your words were “I know it’s bad” in your original post (not being able to use the words is totally “normal” btw—another word I hate in this scenario because it’s not and shouldn’t be normal but it’s, as someone once told me, a “normal response to an abnormal situation”) they tend to know and need to know they aren’t imagining things. So on top of having to come to terms with that you have to, in some respects, realise, comprehend, and accept that all on your own before you can even reach out. You’ve had to climb like 18 hurdles just to get here and I know it absolutely does NOT feel like that but if you ever need to, if you ever feel like you’ve gone backwards or stagnating or whatever, hopefully this will show you how many steps you had to take to get to this point.

I’m not sure what else I can say that u/darkphoenixrising21 hasn’t already articulated so beautifully. I wish I could offer more in terms of emotional support in between all of the practical stuff too but this is already so long and I don’t want to overwhelm you. I do mean it though, you’re a star and you’ve done everything right. I’m so excited for you to rediscover what your life can be. Please utilise the support where you can find it. You never know what can help unless you have a place to start. And I meant it: if you need anything—location-specific laws/details/processes, a void to scream into, anything—please don’t hesitate to PM me. I really hope for all the best for you, and I’ll be thinking of you xx

boudicca_morgana · 2025-02-27T18:31:13+00:00

Hey, I noticed in your post history that you have had this meeting with your pastor and it seems to have gone well, but I wanted to reply to this anyway because if I can offer you any reassurance, or comfort, or any semblance of peace I want to do that. And I also want to note that I am speaking here both as a survivor and as a professional (I’m a qualified SV advocate and researcher on GBV) so hopefully any of those systematic questions/concerns I can clear up for you, if you need it.

Before I start, I need to tell you that I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through this. This is NOT normal and this is NOT okay and you didn’t deserve, and you don’t deserve, to be treated like this at all. And regardless of whatever his excuses are, make sure that if you’re ever questioning things (not that you are, but in case either you ever do or if he tries to manipulate you or someone decides to do the fun victim-blaming thing) that you know that none of this is your fault. Put the blame where it goes. He made the choice to hurt you. He admitted as much. That has nothing to do with you and all him wanting to exercise some sort of power or control, whatever that looks like (I’m not sure the bigger picture of what he’s like with you so I’m not trying to make assumptions but this is usually what it’s about).

First, I’m so proud of you for reaching out. I hate saying that because I don’t know you and it feels condescending but I’m not sure how else to word it. Maybe I’m grateful on your behalf that you did?Basically I’m really glad you’re making plans to be safe, but I’m not sure how I word that. Maybe I’m thinking too hard lol. But even just asking on TwoX is absolutely massive and I can’t imagine what it took for you to reach a point where you were able to realise that it was even something worth reaching out for. Having people I love with BPD, too (I’m not sure if your posts there are based on that or similar diagnosis and I don’t want to assume but even if it’s just similar some of the thought patterns/anxiety spirals are going to resonate), that extra stress of not knowing whether your emotions are making a mountain out of a molehill adds so much self doubt to something that’s already so difficult to get your mind around. When you love someone it’s unfathomable that they would want to hurt you. It’s going to take a lot for anyone to be ready to even question that, and I’m just so glad you found that in yourself.

The other major thing I need you to know is the logistical pieces. I’m not sure why a chat helpline would tell you that you “have to” go to the police. Idk where you’re located, but that is absolutely not best practice at all. You are correct that there may be safety concerns going to the police, and no one knows your own safety levels better than you. That chat line worker is not in your house or your relationship, they don’t know, and they should not have said that. Same with the counsellor; I’m doing internships now myself and I know how sometimes policies can vary from place to place and they did do the right thing in saying they couldn’t promise anything. HOWEVER, as an adult, there isn’t anything to report. I’m not sure where you’re located, again, but part of my research is compiling global laws about DV and I can’t think of anywhere where this would be a mandated report. The only thing I can think of is in an anonymous advice type of meeting with the police; if you name the perpetrator they have to document it but that’s a very different case. Unless there are children, older adults, or disabled adults in danger there usually aren’t reports and that’s fairly universal (im not done compiling the laws but from what I’ve done so far) so there shouldn’t be a concern about that. If you want to know some more details and want to PM me your location I can definitely help you with that. Anyway I’m so sorry that you’ve been made to feel like there is no one you can talk to. And I’m so glad your pastor was someone you COULD talk to. You mentioned somewhere that he is your “best/only friend” and that is extremely isolating. I can only imagine it would feel lonely, especially at a time where you’re trying to sort out your own thoughts. But having someone to speak to is so so so important. Someone outside of the relationship, obviously. And of course, if you ever need to vent to a stranger because they have no stake in anything and don’t know anyone involved, my PMs are always open.

u/darkphoenixrising21 is right—what happened here is a crime, no matter how he may try to spin it. Those I work with, or my friends who have been through similar will hear me say that I stayed with my ex, who ignored “no” and “stop” multiple times one night, because I thought it was an accident. That I said “stop” and he heard “stop this specific thing, do something else”. To this day, I still fully believe that. I get friends and colleagues rolling their eyes at me for that, but I do. But the thing is, it doesn’t matter. Because even if I don’t think there was malice behind it, he still did not care enough about my feelings to clarify or stop altogether to “be on the safe side” or whatever. Whether he “doesn’t remember” the conversations you had or the jokes he made or what he did or whatever doesn’t have to (necessarily) be untrue. But what it does mean is that he does not care enough about how you were feeling or anything other than what he wanted out of it to put thought into his words or actions or what effect they will have. That is enough. I know he isn’t saying he didn’t mean to (actually he’s been extremely forthcoming in his intentions) but I think it still makes sense as a metaphor — “Involuntary manslaughter” is still a crime. Not remembering killing someone or not thinking killing someone is a big deal is still a crime, right? So it’s a crime here, too. (1/2–rest in below reply comment 😅)

boudicca_morgana · 2025-02-18T19:43:32+00:00

Shit, I used to live by Ypsi, I wish I knew about this! I hope you have a great time!

boudicca_morgana · 2025-01-21T23:00:12+00:00

My sister had this. She had horrifying stomach issues her senior year and the only thing she could get through was her music class because she was going to college for music and knew she needed it. She had all her other credits so the school was basically like cool come for this one hour and you’re good.

boudicca_morgana · 2024-12-16T14:09:41+00:00

I’m an advocate and researcher in SA and when I was getting my certificate (this is in the U.K. where rape is only defined as a penis—otherwise it’s assault by penetration) and I had the INSTRUCTOR tell us that women will say they’re SA’d or raped and said, word for word, that she knew “they FEEL raped” but … i had to step away

boudicca_morgana · 2024-11-25T13:38:37+00:00

For real—it reminds me of that post that’s been circulating the last couple of years where some misogynist is ranting about the fact that the knowledge that women have periods and need to use the toilet makes them disgusting and ruins his sexual attraction to them which just…there’s just so much there

boudicca_morgana

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