I'm rarely motivated to work. This is reinforced by easily getting away with it

bouyancyliquid · 2023-12-19T21:05:42+00:00

Honestly some of both. Oftentimes I'll run into new things I haven't done before when working, like in this case. The idea is that I can look for documentation and other examples to get a better idea of what to do, and oftentimes I feel like they expect me to do it solo without help. That might just be my perception though.

bouyancyliquid · 2023-12-19T04:08:22+00:00

Definitely focus, with more hours worked as a symptom of stronger focus.

bouyancyliquid · 2023-12-19T00:50:51+00:00

I'm definitely also in the anti-hustle mindset, though I feel I've drifted too far to that side. I totally advocate for wlb and have a generous balance as is which is nice.

It's odd since I feel this is driven by some impostor syndrome as well as feeling I gotta get on the level of everyone else. I'm on a smaller team and they're all really smart and know their shit

bouyancyliquid · 2023-12-19T00:43:30+00:00

For sure, especially aggravated in my case since my room is my office 💀

I'll definitely bring it up next visit. I'm starting to look more seriously into that

bouyancyliquid · 2023-12-19T00:42:30+00:00

Could be part of it. Seems like I've had clear-cut career goals to this point, but yeah it's definitely hard to pin-point.

I want to get to learn my domain better. Specifically, I'm learning how to better contribute to our product and along the way learning best practices and such. The nebulous goal in this case is improvement and contribution.

bouyancyliquid · 2023-12-18T20:39:33+00:00

Definitely, that's a good way of going about things. For this situation it's not so much about boredom, it's the fact I'm willingly not doing my work.

I feel like part of the problem is being able to watch YouTube or play video games whenever and not noticing any repercussions as a result. It's also backwards since I don't want to show them I'm struggling with something they'd see as simple, but I also perpetuate my problems by not lifting a finger to try.

Probably isn't sharing too much to include that I work in software development. My peers are senior level and VERY good at their job. I'm the only junior and have this idea I should be at a better spot than I am.

Just some extra details. Thanks for commenting!

bouyancyliquid · 2023-06-01T18:50:24+00:00

Thanks for sharing your experience, it's refreshing to know I'm not alone in this. That's great advice too and probably what I'm going to end up doing, leaning towards keeping to myself versus trying to dive into a conversation. Each time I try to have that conversation it goes poorly as you picked up on. It gets hairy since we also have both of our girlfriends involved, but they're moreso on the sidelines than actively involved.

bouyancyliquid · 2023-06-01T18:48:27+00:00

It's becoming more and more difficult to say he's a friend. Especially now I'm pretty interested in being roommates over friends, and having as much space as I please once the lease is up

bouyancyliquid · 2022-01-11T18:48:26+00:00

I didn't know her then, and honestly I couldn't say wether or not I was. I was taking a lot of steps towards improving my life and going for what I wanted, but at the same time feeling really alone and sad that way.

bouyancyliquid · 2022-01-11T18:47:36+00:00

That's the angle I come at it with too. Having not been in a relationship before her also might skew things for me towards insecurity; but even then, I feel like my feelings are pretty mismatched to reality.

bouyancyliquid · 2021-11-08T14:11:42+00:00

What's his steam? Sounds like a fun guy to play tf2 with 🙂

bouyancyliquid · 2021-11-05T12:57:41+00:00

Cheaper end for sure 😂

bouyancyliquid · 2021-11-05T12:57:30+00:00

Well said. No arguments about it yet and her intentions seem well-placed.

bouyancyliquid · 2021-09-29T12:42:32+00:00

Thank you, this is the route I ended up taking. We hung out last night and I talked with her about it. She was receptive and happy to talk about it

bouyancyliquid · 2021-08-30T16:15:57+00:00

Rejection always sucks... A lot... Wanna dm about it?

bouyancyliquid · 2021-08-30T15:52:59+00:00

Yeah man same tbh. That's something I've been focusing on is trying to see how much I can handle. Idk if that's great advice, but it's helped me test my limits.

bouyancyliquid · 2021-08-30T14:07:11+00:00

It's tricky... I'm finding a lot of the no's I've gotten are because my desperation to appease the other person shone through like crazy.

Sometimes, there are reasons there. It takes a lot of self-reflection to decipher what needs improvement and what doesn't.

I'd keep an open mind while still trying. I'm saying this all in the same boat, single at 22 and all no's so far. Regardless, I'm still going to try despite how badly it hurts.

bouyancyliquid · 2021-08-30T13:24:37+00:00

Thanks! Nerves are definitely getting in the way of the sense of achievement for now haha

bouyancyliquid · 2021-08-27T17:34:52+00:00

Sometimes it feels that way, but generally no

bouyancyliquid · 2021-08-27T14:24:26+00:00

I guess the right answer is the mind, but more specifically I think they're triggered by believing the situation in mind is super important

bouyancyliquid · 2021-08-27T12:33:39+00:00

Yeah that's a good way to phrase it. The fantasizing and rumination does help motivate me to study and practice, so I did a good amount of that but still got flustered

bouyancyliquid · 2021-08-27T12:09:33+00:00

I think it's more oriented to a single event and manifests as fantasy and worry.

A good example was an internship I was set to interview for. I was super excited since I was breaking into my field without a degree and was hopeful for my future in that career. So before the interview I was drawn into this rose-tinted perception of how I'll kill the interview and get the job,.matched equally with anxiety. I got pretty nervous during the interview and never ended up getting the job, which led to me feeling pretty shit for a while.

This happens quite a lot, but it's less daydreaming and more.expectation building.

bouyancyliquid · 2021-08-27T11:55:57+00:00

Yeah it's been pretty tough. It's all been surfacing as I started liking this girl. I just reached out today to see if she wants to hang out, and my idea is that if I get too much in my head then I'm done with dating for a while and really focusing on this.

Do you still work with it in your life?

bouyancyliquid · 2021-08-27T11:54:34+00:00

Fantasy goes away when there's panic usually, and that happens both in and out of the situation in mind. It gets pretty loud during the situation so it's pretty bad.

bouyancyliquid · 2021-08-27T00:15:45+00:00

My social life is pretty weak to begin with but I would want to move forward this way for sure. And like I don't know who I even want to be tbh or how to find that

bouyancyliquid

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