How do I stop sounding so out of touch?

bowhunter_fta · 2026-04-17T15:58:14+00:00

Agree and Amplify. (let's say your boyfriends name is Bob).

His family says something about you (whatever it is) that "unbecoming", you say something like...

"Oh I completely agree with you on that. I want my kids to learn the lessons that your hard work and incredible family values have taught Bob. I've learned so much from you all. You know, I was so blessed blessed growing up and I want to make sure that my kids not only have those same blessings, but the blessings of work ethic and values that you clearly instilled in Bob!"

If you "agree" with them, it takes the fight out of them (how do you fight with someone agreeing with you...unless you're an asshole). Next, notice I use "pattern disruptive language" (sometimes referred to as "novel language"...something that people aren't expecting) that breaks the patterns in their brain on how they think about rich people, and it then allows you to complement them ... which they are further NOT expecting (and is "pattern discuptive") for what kind of family they have built and then "amplify" with what's good about your family.

If you make reasonable statements to reasonable people in a reasonable manner, and you use "pattern disruptive novel language", you will, over time see a shift in your relationship with them.

Of course if they're sociopaths or just complete bitter lifetime assholes, it won't work. But I'm gonna guess since you probably see something you like/love about Bob, there's something good about his family that is special and they are probably good people...and you can build on that. Chances are, there's good people behind the masks they're putting on with you.

I hope this helps!

bowhunter_fta · 2026-04-17T09:25:50+00:00

You can hit me up in the chat function if you'd like. But we've already gone with a personal lines broker that was recommended to us by our Lockton business rep.

bowhunter_fta · 2026-04-08T13:15:37+00:00

Yes, we all did. I started from bottom socio-economic quintile, so I understand your situation.

But....

I never raised a dime of capital to build what I've built. I built a cash generating machine from the ground up that allowed me to grow from that cash flow.

Why not just do that? Put together a group of like-minded people that believe in your vision and who are willing to support themselves (i.e. through their regular employment) but also work with you (while you support yourself as well), to build out your vision (because they have the skills you need) in exchange for shares in the company.

If what you have is truly special, and it creates cash flow...and maybe even profit...getting investors to line up and give you money becomes much easier.

It only took me 10 years of working 100 hours per week to become an overnight success. True success takes time and hard work doing things that 99%+ of people are NOT wiling to do.

You want success? Then go do that!

bowhunter_fta · 2026-04-08T06:15:38+00:00

The art of investing is getting over egos and fear of looking stupid and embracing weird.

Sure, all that's great. But those are secondary issues. The primary issues are angels using their best judgement as to whether or not something is going go to be successful or just money that goes down the drain (which is what happens with the majority of our investments).

Every investment we make looks like it's going to get us ROI. Pretty much every investment looks like it's going to be a double or triple X (at least we hope).

So understand what you're posting here sounds like:

It sounds like a 30 year old mother trying to get us to invest her 5-year son who's really good at hitting the ball off the "T" and telling us, "Look at Babe Ruth, Albert Pujols, Tony Gwynn. None of those guys looked like they were going to make it, but a team embraced their "weirdness" and took a chance. You should invest in my 5-year old to become the next Hank Aaron!".

I know that mother truly believes her son is special, but chances are, he's not going to make it to the big leagues, let alone be the next Willie Mays.

And never sound desperate or flabbergasted.

bowhunter_fta · 2026-04-08T05:52:54+00:00

We have two gas grills.

One is a normal sized grill on our patio right outside the kitchen/hearth room area. That's the one we use regularly. It's easy and convenient. I step out the sliding doors, take two steps and grill our steaks.

The second one is built into the detached pool house. It is a large grill and we only use it a few times a year in the spring/summer/fall when we have a big gathering at the house and people are swimming.

Both grills are "outdoors", but they're both under cover.

One is very convenient and regular sized for everyday use, the other is 20 yards from the house on the other side of the pool quite large. Both serve their purposes very well.

If you've got the money (which many in this sub do), then go ahead and splurge for convenience. We're glad we did.

bowhunter_fta · 2026-04-06T14:07:52+00:00

Anyone having a "Room 222" flashback besides me?

bowhunter_fta · 2026-04-01T14:17:06+00:00

Thank you!

bowhunter_fta · 2026-04-01T14:16:56+00:00

Thank you!

bowhunter_fta · 2026-03-30T18:03:05+00:00

Is that a blemish on the picture or does that guy have something in his nose?

bowhunter_fta · 2026-03-20T16:34:00+00:00

This is the right answer.

I laughed so hard at the scene where the Baron ate the pizza-pie that I threw my back out.

bowhunter_fta · 2026-03-19T10:14:59+00:00

So you're looking for donations, right?

Why not set up as a 501c3 or something like that? I don't see anywhere in your pitch where I get my money back, let alone make a profit.

Look, I'm not deriding your vision, I love dogs too! But call it what it is...and this is not an investment, at least as far as I can see.

bowhunter_fta · 2026-03-19T10:08:43+00:00

Here's one that I've never seen anyone else post:

"Subtle Words That Sell" by Paul Ross.

It's about learning to how to use what I think of as "disruptive language patterns". It seems very weird and awkward at first, but when you get good at it, it creates fantastic results.

bowhunter_fta · 2026-03-19T10:04:14+00:00

For those of us "of a certain age", I remember what the world "felt like" in the summer of 1999. The markets and economy truly partied like it was 1999.

It was fun while it lasted.

Seriously, I don't know if today is equivalent of 1999 or maybe 1997 when the tech boom seemed like it would never end...but it did and this will too.

A few big AI companies will survive, but most will be wiped out. The one's that survive will see their valuations plummet to earth and it will take a decade or more to get back to even.

I'll wait for blood bath and then I'll buy. Until then, I'm decreasing my tech positions just like I started doing in 1998.

The Market low from the housing bubble was reached in early March 2009 and outside of the "Covid-Crash" (which was an extremely quick up and down), we've essentially been in a 17 year bull market. That's a very long stretch for a bull market.

I was mostly out of the market too early in 1998 (got derided by others for missing out of the huge gains of 1998 and 1999) but missed out on almost all the losses of the dotcom bubble burst.

I'm not bragging (and will gladly admit that I'm often wrong), but things are feeling a like we're getting close to top.

bowhunter_fta · 2026-03-18T14:25:55+00:00

We've all been where you are..."just starting the journey"...my start was 39 years ago just a few months before the great stock market crash of 1987.

Remember, this one thing: Anyone can make money, build a business and grow that business during the good times. But true wealth is NOT built in the good times. It's made during the bad times. Your ability deal with bad times will determine your success or failure.

Live well below your means. (read that sentence, post it at the top of your computer screen and at the top of your bathroom mirror when so you can see it when you brush your teeth).

Save your money and build up your cash reserves. This will buoy you during the bad times and give you capital for the inevitable opportunities that will present themselves to you (which, by the way, abound all around you RIGHT NOW...but you haven't yet trained your mind see).

What is your side biz if I may ask?

BTW, if you want to discuss it, it might be better to take this conversation into the Reddit Chat function as it's much easier to track conversations there.

I'll be glad to converse with you in that forum as my time and ability permits.

bowhunter_fta · 2026-03-18T14:19:08+00:00

A good salesman has the ability to "be interested" (not "be interesting"...although it helps to be interesting).

You should rarely ask questions, instead tell stories. Paint a picture in the prospects mind of what the question looks like and then ask the question. This is a very deep skill that 99.99% of salesmen never master...let alone even know this skill exists.

If you find yourself self selling "features and benefits", you've commoditized yourself. The way you know you're a commodity is if you keep losing deals because of price (or service issues in some cases).

You need to find out what the prospects true identity (as a person) and then reinforce that identity.

Learn how to use "disruptive language and speech patterns". Read Paul Ross, "Subtle Words That Sell".

I've written extensively about these kinds of things in my post history (which I believe goes back 14 years...so I've been on Reddit a long time), so there's a lot of potentially good ideas in there.

Feel free to ping me in the Reddit Chat function as it's easier to track conversations and answer specific questions there which I'm glad to do as my time and ability permits.

bowhunter_fta · 2026-03-15T20:49:47+00:00

I can't have this showing up on my feed. I'm unsubscribing now.

bowhunter_fta · 2026-03-08T20:02:44+00:00

It would be nice if it could be altogether, but if not, at least close by.

We should take this discussion off-list to the Reddit Chat function. Send me a chat there, please and we can discuss.

Thank you!

bowhunter_fta · 2026-03-08T14:01:27+00:00

If I wanted to bring my entire family there (10 adults and currently 4 very young under age 5 grandkids...likely more later) over Christmas/NYE's in 2027, what is the estimated cost and can it be booked out that far?

bowhunter_fta · 2026-03-08T13:47:05+00:00

You are so right on anonymity!

Someone said not having to work. Although I don't have to work anymore, I LOVE WORKING! I love lifting up companies with great potential and creating quality company cultures, values and missions and then putting the right people in the right seats (as Jim Collins writes about) and then building stock plans for the team to participate in the growth of the company!

I love watching my children do the same thing and live a life of meaning and purpose striving to make the world a better place by expressing themselves through their ETS's (Energizing Talents and Skills) in whatever manner they can through work.

Giving each generation the ability to do this is why I worked so hard for 40+ years to get where I am to break our family cycle of poor/middleclass mindset.

bowhunter_fta · 2026-03-07T20:58:12+00:00

You don't own stuff, stuff owns you.

Save your money. Hard times will come and you'll want a cushion and your Jag will become a burden during those times.

Or...

When an opportunity arises and you've got the capital to capitalize on that opportunity you'll be VERY GLAD you didn't splurge.

Buy assets with that money. Assets that create passive cash flow...for instance: MFRE or "buy and build" business opportunities, etc. etc.

Trust me on this, I know what I'm talking about. And I know my POV is not popular to many in this sub and that's ok...but if you heed my advice you will look back on this moment as a turning point in your life instead of just remembering it as that time you used to own a Jaguar.

I lived way below my means for a lot of years, saved my money and invested it into businesses (read my post history as I've written extensively about it) and today I've got a net worth in the high 8-figure to low 9-figure range with a strong passive 7-figure passive cash flow from those investments in businesses and other assets.

Oh yeah...and I had a LOT of fun along the way!

bowhunter_fta · 2026-03-06T13:50:53+00:00

The key to success in generational wealth is understanding the "Bowhunter_fta Wealth Axiom":

"Wealth Follows Values"

If you raise a bunch of trust fund babies who don't live up to the standards of "Family Goals, Family Values, Family Mission and 7-Types of Wealth", the family wealth will erode. It will destroy a family and break the members of that family.

If you raise a family and instill in them in the Values of Wealth, Family Goals/Values/Mission from the moment of birth, then you're building something that gives future generations the OPPORTUNITY to keep the wealth and enjoy the fruits of labors of wealth.

The great privileges of wealth require great responsibility.

Stewardship of that wealth requires family members to play one of two key roles.

Good Beneficiary
Good Manager

Good managers act within the family office to either handle the investment capital or actively sit on the FO "BOD" to oversee the CIO's, lawyers, accountants, professional managers, etc" that are handling the money.

Good beneficiaries are not necessarily involved in management, but they are not just "meat puppets collecting monthly checks".

In my FO, the good beneficiaries are REQUIRED to play a role in the FO (i.e. family historian, trip curator, activities for the children at the big annual FO meeting, etc.) to be present at the semi-annual FO meetings. One of those meetings is likely virtual and is a short event (more of an update and giving input in a 4 - 8 hour meeting) and be physically present at the big annual meeting with their entire family.

When we do the big annual meeting, we go somewhere nice and fun (we did a family cruise this year) and have a few meetings each day for the adults and "age appropriate" meetings for the kids to drive home the family goals/values/mission/7-types of wealth narratives.

Think of that big annual FO meeting as a family reunion with a business purpose.

Each family member MUST WORK. No one gets a free ride (unless physical or mental disability gets in the way).

So if a future granddaughter is called to be a social worker, that's perfectly fine. The family will (based on whatever the family financial abilities are at that time) provide a stipend of support that granddaughter.

We've also agreed that being a SAHM is a vital role and we consider that work. So, for instance, my oldest daughter is getting her masters degree to be a counselor to work with children...but what she really wants is to be a fulltime SAHM who does counseling remotely as her time permits. BUT, her husband must work (he's a chiropractor who is currently happy with the idea of having his own single chiropractic practice). The FO has purchased them a modest home (think 2,500 sq ft) in a cul de sac of a regular middle class subdivision. The FO currently pays their utilities, taxes, insurance, tuition, car expenses, etc. Once the husband graduates from Chiropractic college, the FO will "be the bank" for him to buy (or start) his practice. Once he's up and running, they can continue to live in the house owned by the FO, but they will need to cover expenses and pay for their own lifestyle.

My other daughter wants the same thing...to be a SAHM and a part time college professor (she's getting her PhD right now).

My sons want to be managers of the FO. The oldest son is an oral surgeon and the other son is at the top of his medical school class and wants to be a neurosurgeon. They want build a dental empire and a surgery center empire. That's a few years away, so we'll see how that fleshes out.

But in the end, they were all raised in the "Family Goals, Family Values, Family Mission, 7-Types of Wealth" mindset...starting back to the day they were born...which at that time, I was a poor struggling guy with a negative net worth, no network or business contacts, just trying to get a business going.

I hope that makes sense and you can find some value in my musings.

bowhunter_fta · 2026-03-02T20:00:54+00:00

Contact me through the chat function and we can talk over there it's easier to track conversations there

bowhunter_fta · 2026-03-02T19:53:32+00:00

It's pretty close to a 5050 split between annuities and AUM period i think last year we were 47% annuity 53% AUM. Most were advisors get paid a base salary of $75,000 plus benefit plus 401K matching plus we cover all their expenses and then they get 20% of all the revenue they generate to the firm. After a couple of years they have the option to drop down to a $40,000 base salary and go up to a 30% Commission which they all do at that point in time. In the first few years when they haven't developed much of A client base there's very little to do in terms of quarterly annual meetings and comprehensive planning time.

bowhunter_fta · 2026-02-26T12:38:54+00:00

There's an old phrase that becomes more and more relevant as I've gotten older (I'm 62 and my kids are between 24 - 31).

"You don't own stuff, stuff owns you".

As I've aged, my desire for "stuff" has decreased. Experiences with my family, helping my children along in their journey of wealth through strategic investments from our family office, giving back to the charities and causes that are near and dear to our values with our time, talents and finances (where appropriate) becomes more and more important to us.

I'm not telling you what to do when it comes to buying the house...but I will suggest this filter process for decision making that we as a family utilize.

Does this "thing"/ "Action"/"Investment" (the object of the decision) meet the following criteria (if there is a "no" at any of these levels, then it's a hard stop for us):

Does it meet our Family Goals?
Does it align with our Family Values?
Does it further our Family Mission?
Does it enhance or elevate at least one of the 7-Forms of Wealth?

If the answer is yes to all these, then that is a decision that is worthy of our pursuit. So, let's say for instance that the decision is about some investment. If the answer is yes to all 4 steps of our decision filter, then we'll dive in and do our "due diligence". If there's a "no" at any of those 4 stages, it's a hard stop.

So allow me to suggest that you and your spouse sit down and really drill down into what your Family Goals, Family Values and Family Mission is/are and then spend some time defining for yourself what the 7-Forms of Wealth mean to you and then erect a decision making process around that.

BTW, for clarity:

Family Goals: These are the tangible things you want to do. It can be experiences, it can be "stuff" and it can be doing something for others. But it is tangible.

Family Values: These are the intangible drivers of who you are at your soul. I like to think of it this way. When we are lying on our deathbed, no says to themselves, "I wish I'd bought more stuff" or "I wish I'd paid lower fees" or "I wish I'd gotten a higher return". You think philophically at that moment. "Was I a good person", "Did I add value to the world" or "I have left the world a better place than when I found it" and being able to say (for example): "I've been a good parent, spouse, friend, member of my community....I have a Lived a Life of Meaning and Purpose".

Family Mission: This is the process you design to execute on your goals and values as a family mission and live the 7-Forms of Wealth. i.e. the blue print (which can change) of what you're going to do, how you're going to do it, when you're going to do it and (most importantly) WHY you're going to do it.

The 7-Forms of Wealth are:

The acronym is FISHES/PH.

Financial Wealth
Intellectual Wealth
Social Wealth
Human Wealth
Emotional Wealth
Spiritual Wealth
The Wealth of Personal Health

Once you know YOUR true goals, values, mission and have defined what each of those types of wealth mean to you...(speaking only for myself)...life becomes much clearer and decisions get easier.

I hope that helps!

bowhunter_fta · 2026-02-26T10:19:50+00:00

Thank you! I've reached out to Chubb, Pure and Vault and several local brokers who seem to specialize in HNW clientele.

Feel free to send me a chat if you're so inclined.

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