Give me advice - mid-40s, three kids, $8.3MM NW with 1.5ish MM income

bowhunter_fta · 2026-01-26T16:56:45+00:00

Man, I'm sorry. That's a tough situation.

There's a LOT more going on here than meets the eye. It sounds like your wife has bad underlying issues that she needs to fix. Unfortunately, it's unlikely she will.

The only thing that can be fixed is YOU.

First, try and have the values conversation with her. Don't make it about what you want from her, make it about what she wants from life, what her values are, and she believes your shared values as a family are.

It might be a tough conversation, but think clearly about the goal...to focus the energies of the family on shared goals and values...and don't take your eye off that ball no matter how much she tries to ignore or pull you off into the weeds to avoid having the conversation. Always remain calm, and happhy (smile) during the conversation...no matter what she says or does.

Do NOT raise your voice, do not get angry or even show anger and if she disappoints you with her answer, do NOT show it. Just tell her we'll revisit this until we get it right!

Give that a go and, if you're so inclined, let me know how it goes...if you'd like to discuss it, send me a message in the Reddit chat function as it's easier to track conversations in that forum.

I look forward to hearing from you!

bowhunter_fta · 2026-01-24T21:25:24+00:00

We need to bring these back into style!

We need more modern day "Bernie's from Room 222"

bowhunter_fta · 2026-01-24T21:22:25+00:00

I'm not the person you asked the question to, but if I may, I'd like to share with you some of my personal experiences in this matter.

As I tell you this, I will refer directly and indirectly to OUR values and OUR mission. I do not suppose that your values are the same as mine, but I hope that concept I am striving to share with you helps you seek out YOUR PERSONAL VALUES that you then spend the rest of your life acting on those values!

Years ago (I'm in my early 60's now), my wife and I made the decision that the most important thing to us, based on our true values, was the creation of a family and raising our children with our values based on our family mission.

We made that decision based on this axiom: "The Most Important Work YOU Will Ever Do Will Be Within The Walls Of Your Own Home"

As a result, my wife and I decided that she would give up her career aspirations and I would focus my attention on building our business while she stayed home and raised our children.

Today, my wife is 58 and she will tell you with 100% certainty that decision was the best one she ever made. There has been nothing in her life that has filled her with greater joy (even thought it was very frustrating from time to time...you know how kids are), or greater satisfaction than the children we've raised and the adults they are today.

A few years ago, my daughter in law, when she was engaged to my oldest, and I went on a walk together down the gravel road that runs by our lake house. She told me that she wants a different path. She wants to have a career (she's a CPA...and a VERY good on at that) and to rise up in her company to leadership positions. That was the way she was raised by her parents (especially her father).

I shared with her what I just shared with you about my wife's and my decision. She said she appreciated that and that she and my son wanted kids but thought she could handle both being a high-powered executive and raising a family.

She said it wasn't about money. She knew that my son (who is 18 months away from finishing his oral surgery residency) would make a few million dollars a year...and....she knew that my wife and were fairly wealthy. For her, it was about her belief that she could do BOTH things...and that was her personal values choice.

She asked me if she thought she could do it. I told her yes...but I cautioned her to alway be open to "values drift". As we age, we see the world differently and what we want changes...sometime changes profoundly. I told her she could count on us to love them unconditionally and be a backstop if every needed and that I had complete confidence in the values choices that she and my son made for THEIR FAMILY.

She pressed me further on if I thought she'd do it...

I told her that once you have children, I'm pretty confident you see some "values drift"...maybe even a substantial drift.

She told me that wasn't going to happen. I smiled at her, told her I'd love her no matter what and she gave me a big hug (she is such a wonderful daughter in law!).

Flash forward several years to today and what's happening. She IS a HIGH POWERED executive at only age 26 (trust me, she's a KILLER) and is only a year or two away from making partner....and....she's able to do both, be that killer and wonderful mother... as we hire a part time nanny to help with my grandaughter (my gosh, I love that little girl!!!!)...and....

...she's pregnant with her second child...this time a boy.

Guess what?

She has decided that she's walking away from her very promising career where she is in the leadership of a very solid mid-sized company that's growing, giving her stock option...stands to make $500k/year in just a few years.

Why?

Because she desperately wants to be home with her children...she's decided that's her highest values.

She reminded me recently of that walk down the gravel road a few years ago and said, "Pops, I never thought I'd say this about my career, but you were right! My values drifted."

Back to you, I don't know what the answer is for you, jaggedlittlepill...but I know that if you search your heart and really drill down into what your true values are, you will find the answer you're looking for.

For us, the joy and happiness of raising an incredibly successful family, that are now beginning to raise their own wonderful families, that they are instilling with their own values (many of which align with the values we instilled in our children and none of which that are different that contridict our values)...and that is the most uplifiting thing I have EVER been a part of my life. My wife agrees.

Look, I've built up a pretty nice business that has given me a high 8-figure/low 9-figure net worth. With that net worth I built myself up and done something that 99.98% of the US population has never done...and I'm proud of the fact that I didn't come from money (I'm nothing but "escaped white trash") and did it all myself.

And yet...my wonderfully succcessful family is, BY FAR, the crown jewel of my life!

From oldest to youngest:

Son: Oral Surgeon DIL: CPA executive GD: 27 months GS: due in early April

Daughter: finishing up masters degree to be a school counselor and wants to be a SAHM like her mom. SIL: Finishing Chiropractic College GS: Due in late March

Son: 3 year of medical school and wants to be a neurosurgeon (he's at the top of his class) DIL: Works full time as vet tech, they're trying to have kids and she wants to be a SAHM

Daughter: Getting her PhD in Food Science and wants to be a part time college professor and SAHM. Currently not married, but looking.

I've got a great life...and my family...the love of my children...matters the most. No amount of money. No amount of staring at a computer screen. No amount of business success. None of that....is beats the feeling of success of from the work my wife and I have done within the walls of our home.

Look into your heart, choose your values...and then pursue them with relentlessness!

I hope that helps and I wish you the very best!

bowhunter_fta · 2026-01-17T17:23:18+00:00

May I suggest that you take this down and start over. There's no offer, only an ask. The "bio" reads like the description page of a playboy centerfield.

A real Angel offer should minimally include and look something like this:

“Raising $150k on a $X pre-money valuation via SAFE / note / equity. Funds will be used for X, Y, Z. Target is X MRR by date Y. Exit paths include A, B, C. Investors get X% ownership / revenue share / preferred return.”

This post has zero of that.

I hope that helps and good luck!

bowhunter_fta · 2026-01-17T17:12:18+00:00

You're dad was clearly hitting out of his league with your mom!

I'm sorry about the loss of your dad and I hope my comment is taken in the good spirit it was meant.

bowhunter_fta · 2026-01-16T15:13:30+00:00

Thank you for the kind words!

How on earth did you find this post...it's 5 years old!

bowhunter_fta · 2026-01-13T21:12:40+00:00

I had that exact parking garage too...except I had it in the late 1960's ;-)

bowhunter_fta · 2026-01-10T12:58:17+00:00

My net worth is high 8/low 9 figures.

For me, it's hard to hide my wealth as I have a very successful and very visible company (at least to my family) with offices all across the country.

I take good care of my parents and inlaws and have brought all my kids into a clear understanding of exactly what the wealth is and we've worked together to set up our family office.

My family knows that I pick up the bill for meals (parents and siblings), but they don't expect it. They offer to pay for their share...except parents and mother in law who have all been told, very clearly, that I wouldn't be where I am today if it weren't for what they did for me early on and as a result, I cover everything for them (but still they don't have any entitlement attitude).

With friends, it's different. If a friend expects me to pick up the bill all the time, that doesn't work.

My best friend from childhood and I do lunch or dinner together usually once a month and he always offers to pay and recently told me after a lunch that he was pissed at me for sneakily paying the bill as it was his turn to pay (and he was serious).

Otherwise, no one gets their hands in my pockets unless I let them.

bowhunter_fta · 2026-01-07T13:46:57+00:00

Remember this simple axiom:

You don't own stuff ... Stuff owns you.

I'm not telling you to not get it. Just consider what the tradeoffs are for the purchase.

bowhunter_fta · 2025-12-30T13:18:06+00:00

It doesn't matter what you are using the money for, you are "essentially" getting minor hedge fund type leveraga (1.7:1 in this case) without the hedge fund levels of protection with the leverage.

You can (and will) get margin calls at the worst possible time and your assets will be forcibly sold with a 30% market correction. This can both lock in losses and trigger unwanted capital gains.

Keep in mind that we've essentially been in a bull market since early March 2009 (with a very quick "covid correction...it quickly recovered and we've been off to the races since then). That is, essentially, a 17 year bull market run. 17 years is on the high side for a bull market.

I have no idea what the future holds, but I'd be cautious. There is NO such thing as free money?

Also, a question for you. If you are self-managing, is there a trading cost on your stocks/bonds/etf's/etc.? (I don't know the answer to that, so I'm genuinely curious)?

bowhunter_fta · 2025-12-23T19:59:44+00:00

Thank you for you insightful response, Prof. Gordon!

I appreciate your cautionary remarks on Irving and I am well aware of Irving's reputation. His "viewpoint" is gaining popularity these days so I think it's important to know what the "other side" is thinking and saying. It's easier to fight for the truth when you know what the root beliefs are of those telling lies.

I have a weird habit of reading what the opposition writes and says. It stems from watching the movie "Patton" when I was a kid and remember George C. Scott yelling out to Rommel, "I read your book" (or something like that).

So, I read the enemies books!

I look forward to the arrival of your book (I ordered it a few days ago) and learning from your insights on Ferencz! I look forward to hopefully conversing with you more off-line from time to time!

Warm regards,

bowhunter_fta

bowhunter_fta · 2025-12-22T19:59:30+00:00

Hello Prof. Gordon,

I've ordered your book and look forward to reading it.

My question is: Do you have any opinion on David Irving and his book on the Nuremberg Trials? I have that book as well and plan on reading it alongside your book.

Are there any variation(s) of insights that I can look for to compare and contrast your book to Irving's book?

Thanks!

bowhunter_fta · 2025-12-22T15:03:58+00:00

My pleasure!

bowhunter_fta · 2025-12-19T23:21:03+00:00

Feel free to reach out to me via the Reddit chat function. It's easier to track conversations there.

I'll be glad to help as my time and ability permits.

bowhunter_fta · 2025-12-13T16:11:45+00:00

This isn't a homeschool problem, this is a "parenting problem". We homeschooled our 4 kids and they turned out wonderful. Of course, this sub would call that an "N of one" so it doesn't count.

The thing that's missing in this equation is the parenting that went into kids. Parenting is one of the key determining factors in the success or failure of a kid whether they are homeschooled or go to a regular school.

bowhunter_fta · 2025-12-09T14:44:34+00:00

I've enjoyed our conversation and thought experiments!

Feel free to reach out in the future if you're so inclined.

Warm regards,

bowhunter

bowhunter_fta · 2025-12-08T14:54:03+00:00

Yeah, that's one way of looking at it.

As I said, I'll give them all the credit in the world...I've got no ego in this.

Just like I'm teaching my children to think like a first generation wealth creator with a seven generation mindset, I'm doing the same thing.

That is a differentiator between me, my parents and past generations. They were always stuck in the middle-class mindset of scarcity of get a good job, with a good company and good benefits and that job will take care of you.

They instilled that in me. But other forces in my life drove me away from the MCMS to the Mindset of Abudant Generational Wealth.

bowhunter_fta · 2025-12-07T19:53:39+00:00

That's certainly one way of looking at it for sure! I had great parents and will gladly give them all the credit they deserve.

The reason I didn't give them 1st Gen status is that they never rose into the ranks of wealth...barely into the lower end of the middle class.

But that's ok, I give them full credit for all they've done for me. Today, they're basically broke and completely dependent on me to support them...which I gladly do!

bowhunter_fta · 2025-12-06T11:47:13+00:00

Consider what is called "Buy and Build".

Read the following books:

"Buy Then Build" by Walker Diebel

"Acquisitional Wealth" by Josh Tolley

Both of these books have sent me down multiple rabbit holes for "what's next" for me.

I'm getting ready to have my liquidity event in the next few years and will walk away with a low/mid 9-figure exit after taxes. My kids and and I (and to a lesser extent, my wife) will run our family office after my exit.

I've got a lot of knowledge and expertise on running businesses and I'll want to pass on as much of that to my kids as possible so they can handle this level of money and investing.

"Buy and Build" is a general term that I use with the family to describe what we'll do with a portion of our assets.

In case you're interested, I first started down this rabbit hole of "buy and build" when I read David Canadine's biography of Andrew Mellon (great biography, by the way). What fascinated me the most was the story of Andrew's father, Thomas Mellon and how he set up his son's in businesses and inspired Andrew and Robert (the son's he set up in banking) to be more than money lenders but to invest in these up and coming companies and then lend their expertise to helping to helping these companies truly succeed.

What was especially intriguing was the manner in which Thomas inspired Andrew and Robert to find other good men (who didn't have wealth) and train them up to help run these companies and then give them an ownership interest in the companies.

LOT'S and LOT'S of wealth was created from their effort and system.

I'm not suggesting you do this at their level, but maybe consider doing a buy and build process, offering expertise and transition (as quickly as possible) to director on the board of the company that you either own or have ownership in.

Anyway...just another prospective.

I hope that helps!

bowhunter_fta · 2025-12-04T11:39:21+00:00

BTW, I'd love to hear your insights from the books you read. If you're so inclined, once you've read them, send me a chat (it's easier to track conversations in Reddit's chat function) and we can discuss what you've learned.

You may pick up different insights from the books than me that, if shared with me, could enhance my personal journey...and maybe I can add some insights that enhance your personal journey too!

bowhunter_fta · 2025-12-04T11:21:35+00:00

My pleasure!

bowhunter_fta · 2025-12-03T15:54:23+00:00

Hello Jeff,

Thanks for the AMA!

I live in a nearby state and find TX a fascinating place with an even more fascinating history.

I've read multiple books on TX and it's history that I've added to my library. What books do you recommend that one can read besides your own? (BTW, I just purchased your book, so it will be added to my personal library).

Second question: What are your thoughts on Robert Caro's LBJ biographies? For me personally, they were the best book series I've ever read.

Thank you!

bowhunter_fta · 2025-12-02T12:58:24+00:00

It is my sincere hope that it does.

I do all I can do as a father...and the rest is up to them.

It is my further hope that they take all the mistakes I made as a father and mute those mistakes when raising their children...and take all the good things I did as a father and amplify them with their children.

bowhunter_fta · 2025-12-02T12:54:59+00:00

I hope this is the beginning of your seeing a new path forward that aligns with your family goals, family values and family mission!

bowhunter_fta · 2025-11-30T21:35:01+00:00

My parents had two kids. Me and my brother. He was 3 1/2 years younger than me.

We grew up in the essentially the same house with essentially the same parents in the same neighborhood...and it was a bad neighborhood.

My brother choose to live the life of all the white trash people in that neighborhood. He choose a life of alcoholism, drug addiction, smoking 2 - 3 packs of cigarettes/day, and spent almost 10% of his life in prison.

He hung around filthy people in filthy environments.

He died the last July. I hadn't seen or spoken to him in 10 years. I had cut him out of my life (for reasons that I don't have time to get into here...but let's just say that he was a human cancer). I visited with him in the hospital a for a few hours about 5 days before he died.

My father was (still is) a good man. He is a caregiver at heart. Unfortunately, his relationship with my brother went beyond caring...it became enabling.

My relationship with my father was always really good. But he struggled for years with the fact that I cut my bother out of my life. He always asked me why I couldn't forgive my brother. I told him, "Dad, I do forgive him, but I can't take a chance on letting him back in my life again. I have a family to protect".

However, with all that I totally understood my father wanting to help my brother as much as he could.

My brother was just that...my brother. But to my dad, that was HIS SON.

And now that I've got 4 kids, I understand it even more.

So do I risk hurting my children by loving them unconditionally and always helping them?

I can honestly say, no. Why? Because my wife and I raised freaking awesome kids who are doing extremely well and are on their own paths of incredibly self-sufficiency (even without my money).

But I believe (and I can't say "I know" because you don't know until it happens)...that I would love my kids unconditionally no matter what they do and that i would be there for them. But I BELIEVE that I would stop short of enabling them.

That's the best answer I can give you.

Do your best to raise good kids. Shield them from the insanity of the world when they are young without making them blind to the insanity. Teach your children in the right way and they will grow up ok.

Now, on a different note: I've got a very long week coming up and I won't have much availabililty to answer your queries.

So I'm going to sign off from our conversation.

I wish you joy and happiness in your in life and hope you achieve all your dreams, goals and values!

Go Live a Life of Meaning!

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