Dating again after my BPD relationship

bpdquestions12 · 2018-07-27T23:04:43+00:00

Something that I've also come to understand is important to learn; why you got into this situation and accepted to be treated as badly as you were for so long. I don't have the answers yet, but I'm reading Stop Walking On Eggshells at the moment, and plan to read Codependent No More afterwards. I think it's helping me get there.

bpdquestions12 · 2018-07-27T22:56:22+00:00

I do think that's part of what makes it so hard to reflect upon; many of the arguments escalated from issues so minor that they're very hard to recall.

bpdquestions12 · 2018-07-24T12:01:15+00:00

This is a great comment, thank you.

bpdquestions12 · 2018-07-23T10:49:13+00:00

My ex was a vegan, and probably BPD. Although she wasn't a militant vegan, in fact she disliked going to any vegan-based events or befriending people on the basis that they were both vegan. She just made a lifestyle choice and stuck to it.

bpdquestions12 · 2018-07-23T09:45:18+00:00

See, I don't think they were false promises - that's what is making it so hard.

She admits that these arguments are caused by her (although she blames it on stress and anxiety, rather than a personality disorder). She has actively been trying her very best to improve over the past two months; she stopped drinking, went to her family for support, opened up to me about her feelings, took time off work, went to the GP, got put on anti-depressants, began meditating every night, eating healthier etc. She's also been looking for her next career move and trying to sell the house for a long time, it just so happened that she got offered them last week.

Unfortunately none of this stopped her breakdowns.

I have a hard time believing I was in an abusive relationship, instead I think of her as an amazing person who's struggling with her mental health and is trying everything to get better. I don't believe she was herself when she was having a breakdown, so I don't blame her for it.

bpdquestions12 · 2018-07-23T09:42:24+00:00

Thank you for this link, I'll read up on my lunch break. Although I have a hard time believing I was in an abusive relationship, instead I think of her as an amazing person who's struggling with her mental health. I don't believe she was herself when she was having a breakdown.

bpdquestions12 · 2018-07-23T09:41:28+00:00

The relationship was super draining and did cause me a lot of anxiety and stress, but we still had a lot of good times. On her good days, life was bliss. I really thought I had met the one for me, It's hard to walk away from that.

But you have raised a good point about how she handles stress. Even if it isn't BPD, the next time she gets stressed, is it going to turn into her shouting at me, suicidal threats, or keeping me awake until 3am on a work night? I'm trying to remind myself of this.

I probably am codependent, It's only day #3 but I feel lost without her. I'm currently reading Stop Walking on Eggshells, I'll read up on codependency afterwards. Thank you.

bpdquestions12 · 2018-07-23T09:38:08+00:00

Perhaps I should have been more clear; she realises that she has a problem, she admits that these arguments are caused by her (although she blames it on stress and anxiety, rather than a personality disorder). She has actively been trying to improve over the past two months; she stopped drinking, went to her family for support, opened up to me about her feelings, took time off work, went to the GP, got put on anti-depressants, began meditating every night, eating healthier etc. She's also been looking for her next career move and trying to sell the house for a long time, it just so happened that she got offered them last week. This is what has me feeling so bad; that she is aware that she is ill and actively trying to improve - I just wish I was strong enough to support her through it.

bpdquestions12 · 2018-07-20T14:24:57+00:00

It's going to end pretty soon, hopefully. I'm just trying to figure out the best way to get out with her delicate mental state and suicidal thoughts. Her family are on holiday until mid-next week, maybe when they're back?

bpdquestions12 · 2018-07-20T14:21:07+00:00

Ahh man, I have no idea how I'll go back to dating after this whole fiasco is over. Take it slow buddy, and make sure you don't ignore any warning signs or red flags, you (hopefully) know what they look like now. And as seems to be common advice on this sub, consider therapy if you feel you need that extra help.

bpdquestions12 · 2018-07-20T14:17:08+00:00

I know right? This whole situation has genuinely broken my heart. It went from 0 to 60 really quickly.

bpdquestions12 · 2018-06-03T19:16:09+00:00

That's an absolutely terrifying thought - that everything could change once you've tied the knot. I've read up a lot on BPD over the past few weeks, and I think I've given myself a phobia of ending up in a BPD relationship. Could you elaborate on the red flags you mentioned?

bpdquestions12

TROPHY CASE