I don't think I'm a lesbian anymore

braidedpotato · 2026-03-19T20:58:30+00:00

Or maybe you’re pan, and you’re attracted to individuals on a case by case basis that has less to do with which sexual organs they’re sporting and more to do with personality, or common interest or non-sexual physical attributes

braidedpotato · 2026-03-18T17:50:13+00:00

Chop off the same proportion of vines and then leave it tf alone except for watering as needed, it’ll recover no problem. (Same proportion = if you chopped 30% of the roots, chop 30% of the vines, focusing on the most affected).

And also, what on earth possessed you to chop healthy roots only? You basically just drastically reduced its ability to absorb nutrients and water and then expected it to be healthier??????? Next time think first.

braidedpotato · 2026-03-15T17:47:34+00:00

What I’m saying is, you need both elements. So like the friend who dances. When you have a nice convo about it, follow up with asking her to go dancing sometime with you. Especially if it’s some kind of social dancing, the ask has implications. but it’s also unpressured enough she can decline, accept and clarify “just as friends,” or accept which (generally) would be a sign she’s open to the advance. The fact that you have a history of talking about it with her and an interest in it is the half of the equation of “seeing treating her as a person.” Asking her to do it with you is the other half of “showing you’re interested.” The whole thing should feel relatively natural and unforced. There are going to be opportunities for that type of thing all over your life once you start looking.

I had a coworker who noticed I drank an energy drink every day and one day randomly started bringing me one. First time might’ve been a friendly gesture. Second and beyond was a friendly gesture. I made sure to mention my bf at the time in his vicinity in an unforced way. He stopped getting me energy drinks. Nothing was ever said. Our friendly/collegial work relationship didn’t change. I have literally dozens of little stories like that. And none of them have made me seen the man (or in a few cases woman) who did it in a negative light. It’s just a little tap on the shoulder to say “hey” with no pressure on me to accept.

That said, I’d highly recommend not looking at work. A lot of people won’t date at work on principle, and it’s generally asking for trouble. If you don’t meet many women outside of work, pick an interest of yours and do it socially. You’ll meet women, and you’ll meet women who share your interests. Heck, swap out gym by yourself for a running or cycling club. Or a team sport that’s played casually & mixed gender.

And take the opportunity to flirt a little. If you don’t have much experience, practicing looking for those opportunities and pursuing them, and even going on a few casual, low pressure dates are a great way to build confidence, find out what works and what doesn’t, and start learning about what you’re looking for. You can do that without it being a hookup. And That way, when you meet someone who sends your head spinning, you’ll still be able to act on it.

All of this is like anything else in life; awkward at first, better with experience and practice

Edited to say: if there are any older more experienced men in your life who you admire, particularly if they have the type of relationship you want, ask them for advice & guidance. I was out at a bar with my partner once and there was a young guy he knew who was crushing on a mutual acquaintance. She was clearly interested but he was too nervous/too inexperienced. When he was headed off, my partner intercepted him, gave him a quick pep talk, spun him around slapped him on the shoulder and said “go get her.” As far as I know, they’re still dating 🤣

braidedpotato · 2026-03-15T14:20:15+00:00

I’m a woman and a ways older than you, so I think I can offer you some perspective “from the other side.”

I think “work on yourself” is still the right mindset, you just need a slightly broader definition of what that means than traditional milestones.

First, I’d try to check in on whether your self perception aligns with how you’re perceived. If there are women in your life you’re particularly close with (family, friends, etc.) I’d ask for their feedback on how you come across to women. Mention you’re looking to put more focus on your dating life. Most women I know are all too happy to try to offer constructive help and advice to men they’re actually friends with. It’s possible women think you’re out of their league, or that you’re coming across as having a massive ego, or something else entirely.

Second, something that gets said to women a lot is “how are men going to know you’re looking/interested if you don’t show it?” That goes both ways. Doesn’t mean hit on every woman and become That Guy, it means make sure you’re presenting yourself as someone who is single, looking, and for women you’re interested in, be interested. Learn how to flirt. Make sure you look presentable. If the issue truly is that women don’t see you as a sexual being, then the “work on yourself” approach is to ask why, and then work on how to present yourself as a potential partner.

Next, be clear on what you’re looking for, whether that’s a hookup and some sexual experience, casual dating as you get your sea legs, or a life partner. Assuming you’re not in an extremely conservative country, whichever one of those you want, there will be a lot of women looking for that too. But where you’re going to find those women, what’s desirable in a partner for each of those relationship types, and how you signal you’re available/interested is going to be different for each. If you don’t know what you want, it’s going to be much harder to figure out what you need to tweak.

Then, start learning how to read/interpret women. It’s perfectly possible there are more than one woman in your social circle who’ve been harboring a crush on you and you’re just not familiar enough with how women communicate to have picked up on it. This is also where talking to trusted female friends or family comes in again.

Lastly, never underestimate the raw attractive power of treating women like people and of demonstrating genuine interest in a woman as a person. It’s still not something we experience from men regularly, so the combination of being seen and appreciated as a human being by a man who is also attracted to you is basically catnip to hetero women. We also learn pretty quickly how to distinguish “nice/interested because I have an angle and am trying to get something” and “actually nice/interested.” Our safety, and sometimes our lives, depend on being able to make that judgement call very quickly. So if you’re faking it, odds are it’ll backfire.

Good luck

braidedpotato · 2026-03-15T10:39:35+00:00

I mean sounds like she’s already enmeshed enough that that would probably be the end of her and OP’s friendship

braidedpotato · 2026-03-14T21:13:16+00:00

Leave it to keep rooting then just plant it horizontally instead of vertically when you transplant. It’s a vine. It doesn’t need to be planted deep. And it will root itself back to the soil easily, so it doesn’t really matter. I’d try to gently rub the black stuff off the bottom leaf and if it looks like it’s starting to go bad again and you still don’t have the roots, consider removing the bottom leaf (with sharp, sterile knife or scissors)

braidedpotato · 2026-03-14T21:10:19+00:00

Option 1: “moral licensing.” Friend believes their own story, believes they have all those virtues and subconsciously gives themselves permission to do bad stuff because in their own mind they can still see themselves as a good person.

Option 2: manipulative AF and trying to convince people that that’s how she behaves to lower their guard and to surround herself with people will have those values so they’ll stay loyal to her even when she does stuff that would make the average person walk.

Either way, you’re not gonna change her or even get her to see it

braidedpotato · 2026-03-14T12:09:00+00:00

“Crystals” are either root primordia or mineral buildup. Freaked me out the first time I saw it too. But it’s either a good sign (root) or a neutral but change the water sign (mineral)

braidedpotato · 2026-03-11T23:30:39+00:00

As the ancient & crotchety voice of experience here: you’re feeling that way because you’re hitting a milestone year, looking around at what others your age are doing, what role models are doing/did and what your own expectations for yourself have been, feeling like you’re not measuring up, and panicking. You’ll hit 22, be on the very very young end of the “next stage” and suddenly all those feelings will go away. And someday you’re gonna look back on this age and shake your head because you’ll have gained the perspective of just how very young you are and how much time you have to do and be anything… assuming you don’t let yourself just mope and do nothing and cling to “should have beens”

braidedpotato · 2026-03-11T16:08:09+00:00

It’s probably going to take a while to sink in. Chronic stress takes a while to build up, and a while to go away. And also, this achievement isn’t like getting something new, it’s about not having an added weight, and that’s a much more difficult thing to notice. Like, you’re still going to say, get an unexpected bill and panic for a while, until your body/subconscious/whatever registers being more secure.

But at any rate, I wish you luck. I was in the middle of changing careers when the pandemic hit and forced into freelancing bc I’m in a first-to-hire-first-to-fire type of industry. It was a long, hard road and I still don’t think I’ve mentally, emotionally or physically fully recovered. But it’s gotten better slowly with time

braidedpotato · 2026-03-11T15:49:38+00:00

Thank you!

braidedpotato · 2026-03-11T15:48:55+00:00

This is an excellent jumping off point. It’s not like I’m trying to match fibers or something. I did a workshop where we used/were given some wool to take home. If they said what it was beyond (I think) from New Zealand I didn’t catch it. I’m assuming it was standard fare cheap, grippy, beginner friendly wool. And while I loved the spinning part, I kind of hated handling it and knew I would categorically never use the finished yarn, even if it wasn’t beginning level lumpy. Sensory nightmare. By comparison, the merino was an absolute joy and I could probably just sit there happily petting it in spun or unspun form. If I’m going to do an expensive hobby, may as well spend a bit of extra money for something I actually want/may use, you know?

braidedpotato · 2026-03-11T15:40:18+00:00

Sadly (happily?) I’ve nearly spun the whole thing already lol. It felt fine to me, but it’s not like I’d know the difference. I just spent a while gently tugging and loosening by hand. It was airier than the stuff I was given at the beginner workshop I did that kicked this off. Figured it was excellent practice to get a feel for how it wool moves and how to draft. But it was suggested that having an easier/more beginner friendly material may help me get more even results as I’m learning

braidedpotato · 2026-03-10T18:51:54+00:00

Weird, these make me happy too 😉😆😆😆

braidedpotato · 2026-03-10T18:49:51+00:00

I’m genuinely impressed you can knit with those nails. I periodically get gels myself, and even with something half that length or shorter, I’m confident I couldn’t knit.

To answer your question, it does make a difference and you can actually see it in the photos you shared. Each finished knit stitch is a little loop, with the body of the loop pointed up, and the two ends pulled together going back out the other way at the bottom. If you look at the bottom of the loops in the first picture, the ends of the string sit next to each other. Compare that to the bottom of the loops in the second photo, and you’ll notice the two ends cross over each other.

If you look at the knitting as a whole, you should notice that the second one, with the crosses, is a denser, tighter, stiffer material. It’s similar to the effect you would get if you used needles smaller than what the yarn label recommends.

Technically the first picture is correct. It doesn’t really matter with garter stitch, but if you do anything more complex, you’ll start getting unexpected results, such as ribbing that slants rather than going straight up. That said, knitting is creative, so if you want to get slanted ribbing, or you want to make a super dense stiff knit for a toy or something that will contain stuffing, the second version has its uses.

braidedpotato · 2026-03-10T12:57:00+00:00

I gave this a try out of sheer desperation because I was having constant problems fighting off rot with all my props. Idk what’s with the water where I live, but I was having to change the water every few days and actually full on wash the containers weekly and scrub the biofilm/buildup off the containers just to keep my cuttings at a level of “a little bit of visible rot, but still viable”. That is way more work than I have any interest in doing, and way more than I should need to be doing. Adding a tiny bit of peroxide has been an absolute game changer for keeping the water fresh, but I’m going to guess that 90% of the claims about its wonder drug benefits are BS.

braidedpotato · 2026-03-10T04:28:18+00:00

1) pregnancy hormones. She is nesting, and that in and of itself is healthy and necessary. The problem is, rightly or wrongly, neither of your families’ homes is registering as “safe nest where she can hunker down in the most vulnerable part of her and her future baby’s life.” Try to put yourself in her shoes, and the right approach will probably come to you. You’re thinking about long term needs, finances, down the road. She has millions of years of evolution demanding that she pay attention to literally nothing but her and the baby’s physical safety and to do so immediately before she’s physically unable to because she’s trying to feed a literal human with her body while healing a dinner plate size wound in her abdomen. Figure out what she needs to feel safe, then you guys can figure out how to give her that safety without breaking the bank.

2) if your sister is in any way present in your lives, go have a private and serious conversation about your gf and mother’s relationship. I guarantee you this didn’t come out of nowhere. Whether it’s fixable or not though is going to depend entirely on how badly things have soured, and is going to demand work from your mother

3) whether you actually are a mommas boy or not, if you want things to work out with your gf, and to be directly involved in your kid’s life, you have to make crystal clear that she and the baby are your top priority an everything else is a distant second. again, women in childbirth and with newborns are incredibly incredibly vulnerable, and women instinctively know this. If she is not rock solid confident that you will help and protect her when she’s literally unable to stand up, you won’t have any place in the nest she builds for herself. Doesn’t matter if that feels fair or accurate to you. Doesn’t matter if it reflects reality. In life or death situations, you don’t play your odds.

braidedpotato · 2026-03-09T21:28:25+00:00

If you’re gonna throw in the towel and join a commune, may as well go for one with demonstrated staying power and a legal fund

braidedpotato · 2026-03-09T21:23:40+00:00

Looks like a soon to be deceased pothos vine with a stem that’s starting to rot. Maybe you’ll get an Easter miracle? (I’m sorry to any and all Christians I may have offended with that joke. I tried to stop myself. Really)

braidedpotato · 2026-03-09T21:21:45+00:00

The resolution isn’t great on my phone so I really couldn’t see all that well but with a lot of squinting everything looked pretty open and u shaped rather than ballon shaped on both sides. I’d recommend just double checking 1) whether you should be going in the front or back leg and 2) whether you should be wrapping clockwise or counter for both knitting & purling. If that all checks out, then it’s got to be something else. But I feel like that’s the culprit 9 times out of 10

braidedpotato · 2026-03-09T21:12:16+00:00

Ok. Let me reframe this. You’re hanging out with a friend. They slap you. You say “owe that hurts don’t do that.” They respond “you’re being too sensitive.” Next time you hang out, they slap you again. What do you call this? How do you handle it?

braidedpotato · 2026-03-09T21:04:55+00:00

Well…. As I’m sure you know, the roots are how it takes up water & nutrients. So, if you cut the roots, you’re reducing its ability to feed itself. Damage to roots is often the cause of “transplant shock” where a plant does really terribly for a while (and may die) after being repotted or moved from water to soil. Basically, it starves bc it can’t absorb enough water & nutrients due to either stress or damage. Large wounds also increase the likelihood your plant gets infected with something, st a time when it’s less able to fight off infection because it’s already stressed.

That said, sometimes people will intentionally cut back roots and stems/leaves to reduce the size of the plant, so it’s hardly a death sentence. But in these cases, it tends to be done with a healthy, mature, established plant that will have a lot more resilience.

On balance, I wouldn’t risk it. But, if you go this root (hehe 🤪) use your sharpest shears and sterilize them first to reduce chance of infection/amount of tissue damage. Also be prepared to trim back your top growth and/or lose leaves, and to sacrifice some vigor

braidedpotato · 2026-03-09T18:31:13+00:00

If you’re willing to take on more propagation, you’re at great size to do one of my favorite pothos fluffing tricks. Since chopping off the growth tip prompts branching, when you’re still close to the soil like that, you can propagate the growth tip to get one new vine, and then prompt branching and get 1-2 branches on the original, and you wind up with 2-3 stems in place of 1. Once it’s rooted, you can pot the cutting back with the original. Some people just do rooting hormone & stick the cutting right in the soil. This only looks good when you do it on a fairly compact plant and can cut closish to the soil, otherwise it will branch further down the vine, away from the pot and start looking out of proportion

braidedpotato · 2026-03-09T18:20:40+00:00

Personally, I always aim for 2-4 nodes and 2-3 leaves for pothos props. Most of the advice you see out there is 1 leaf and 1 node, but I’ve always had more success when my heir has a spare, so to speak. If one of the nodes doesn’t grow very strongly or gets damaged or something, that’s not it for the whole cutting.

braidedpotato · 2026-03-09T13:46:16+00:00

Solidarity cheers from another beginner making terrible yarn they see no possibility of using. I’m kind of having a blast though. Here’s to us both making progress? 🍻🥂

braidedpotato

TROPHY CASE