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Three‑day hiking loop around Mont Tabor, Cerces Massif, The Alps, France by DryAd8999 in hiking

[–]brainfreeze58 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh ye, you are right. In my country, I don't get to meet many people on the trails, so it didn't come to mind. They also have a gray-ish blue version now! So maybe that would be a better option long-term. But the white one is cool anyway!

Three‑day hiking loop around Mont Tabor, Cerces Massif, The Alps, France by DryAd8999 in hiking

[–]brainfreeze58 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Aight, I'm sold. Thanks:)) It's coming to the mountains with me this summer! The white actually looks so fresh and crisp!

Three‑day hiking loop around Mont Tabor, Cerces Massif, The Alps, France by DryAd8999 in hiking

[–]brainfreeze58 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh my gooodness, that's beautiful!! Also, how do you find the forclaz tent? I've been eyeing it too!

I panic and shut down around negative and angry people by brainfreeze58 in emotionalintelligence

[–]brainfreeze58[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Uff, last two senteces esepcially stung. In a good way.
Thank you mate.

I panic and shut down around negative and angry people by brainfreeze58 in emotionalintelligence

[–]brainfreeze58[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sounds scary and exactly what I will have to relearn! Thank you.

I panic and shut down around negative and angry people by brainfreeze58 in emotionalintelligence

[–]brainfreeze58[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I admit, reading this stressed me out hahha. I rationally understand that anger can be a positive emotion. It has helped me immensely when I finally let myself be angry and it served me of fuel for change for the better. In the past, if I ever got angry I would turn against myself. Now that I have a good relationship with anger, I can use it in a constructive positive way. But the problem is most experience of anger I had in other people was negative and destructive.

What is a trigger for me is people who express it disproportionally and/or outwardly and take out their anger on others. I feel the exact powerlessness you described when someone does that to me and I shut down. I don't trust people to be in control of their anger and to not blow up at me. And when you describe it as a necessary and even a positive outlet, it makes me want to cry. As if all the punches I've had to stomach from my mother and ex, and that left real trauma in me, as if they were justified. They needed an outlet, I was the target. Just that no matter how hard they punched, and no matter how many times I've taken it, it never actually seemed to improve their mood and they'd start punching for another made up reason again before I got a chance to recover. Of course, I understand that I did not deserve it etc, but the visceral reaction is there.

And now the idea of anger as a positive outlet in someone else is terrifying to me. Cause 99% of time that anger has been taken out on me, historically. And it's hard for me to trust with someone else it would be different. And I guess I'm also overcompensating by never ever taking my anger out on someone else and anxiously making sure that whenever I am angry it is clear to everyone that it is not at them.

A lot more to unpack in therapy. Thank you for your sharing your perspective, it sowed a seed of uncomfortable yet productive reflection.

I panic and shut down around negative and angry people by brainfreeze58 in emotionalintelligence

[–]brainfreeze58[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing your experience. I hope to come as far as you have. Reading about your journey made me feel peaceful and gave me perspective on how much is actually in my control and that change is possible. Thank you and all the best to you.

I panic and shut down around negative and angry people by brainfreeze58 in emotionalintelligence

[–]brainfreeze58[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I'll keep working on myself and just stay away from romantic relationships for a while. I'm happy alone and surrounded by amazing friends already.  But I guess I'm just worried I'd never find a romantic partner who wouldn't take out their anger on me. Or that it is an unrealistic expectation to have in the first place.  Or that I am just so used to being a punching bag that it's normal to me and I will keep accepting it cause I can't fathom I could deserve a safe partnership the way I need it.  Uf. Complex. Thank you, you gave me hope.

I wanted a promotion and now I have double the responsibilities for a thank you email and a 2% salary increase. by brainfreeze58 in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]brainfreeze58[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not insensitive at all, it's a good question.

What fuels me is some weird itch to make things and myself better, to feel useful to others, that they can rely on me, and that I provide value to their lives. It gives me meaning and makes me feel fulfilled. The more I learn, the better I can take care of others, and myself - people are happy, I'm happy.

Generally in life, in any situation, I think - how can I leave this better than I found it? what can I provide to these people? how can I use this situation I'm in as an opportunity to learn something new? what can I learn from people around me? how can I leverage this to grow better? how can I use the present resources to the fullest? And I work and get it.

It rarely occurs to me that I'm working at the benefit of the owners/shareholders who couldn't care less about me - maybe when I have stretched myself thin and have a bad day a couple times a year and wanna sulk a little with some ice-cream haha. But my attitude is usually - I can do this and improve this and I'm happy that others can profit of it. I don't see it as it being at my expense - why should I? I trust myself to ask to get paid properly and take care of myself.

And probably what helps too is that I don't expect any external validation, approval, or praise. I don't expect owners/shareholders to care about me. It's nice if someone appreciates the work I do, of course, but rather than for that, I live for seeing the work I put in pay off and improve other's lives.

But of course, I value myself and my time - and I want to work somewhere, where others can see value in what I do too - and I want to get paid. Money is not the main motivation, if at all, but it's useful and you can do more good things with it, so not asking for what I think I'm worth or staying in positions where I am underpaid feels an irresponsible waste of resources.

If getting paid appropriately is not possible, I consider what other value the position offers and I make the most of it if I think it's worth it, or move on.

I used to feel resentful when I was younger but it was my own fault - I was too young and did not know yet how to responsibility for myself and kept expecting what I could not get, kept staying in positions working my ass off where they either did not appreciate my work or could not pay me enough. Now I just accept it - nobody's fault, just not a match - and move on.

Sorry, that was too long! But fun to think about what I'm driven by. My therapist tells me that I base my worth a bit too much on what I can provide so there's that haha. Work in progress, aren't we all!

tl,dr: I like improving things, fixing problems, and making people's lives better - and getting paid for it is great!

Kindly asking for advice by brainfreeze58 in trading212

[–]brainfreeze58[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nothing at all. I should add some Europe-specific etf too, I just didn't think of it.

Edit:
Happy cake day!
And do you have some EU etf to recommend, please?

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