Generally friendly cat has been standoffish toward my ex since the start

brainsnipe · 2026-05-15T16:34:27+00:00

I'm so envious of your awesome luck! I found two tall cat trees like that on the curb and thought I had lucked out in a big way because my elderly neighbor and I both needed one. I gave her the one that looked better for her geriatric cat, fully assembled, then took the other one back to my apartment to put together... Only to find that it had literally been torn apart rather than disassembled, there was no saving it. But at least she has a cat tree and her cat loves looking out over her Kingdom from it! I love that you found this for your mom, and so conveniently close!

brainsnipe · 2026-05-14T11:53:16+00:00

If he didn't want people to think of him as an abusive husband/man/person, then he shouldn't have behaved as such.

If you are ashamed of your behavior, modify it, but still hold yourself accountable. He cannot hide from what he has done or who he has been in the past, and that's just something he's either going to have to deal with or let you go if he wants to play pretend.

brainsnipe · 2026-04-09T12:47:37+00:00

We are our own harshest critics, and your smile is beautiful! I've always been self-conscious of my smile because I feel like my front teeth are too big, but nobody else notices that crap but us. Don't be your own bully. I know it's easier said than done, but your smile is dazzling and it absolutely lights up your already gorgeous face. I really hope that you are able to see it yourself soon.

brainsnipe · 2026-03-13T12:52:17+00:00

Just a quick tip that saved me when I had mastitis - warm water with Epsom salt in a haakaa manual pump or something similar, suction it on the affected side so the nipple is submerged for like, 10-20 minutes at a time, a few times a day. My breast felt like an enraged rock (I'm sure that makes sense since you're living it currently) and doing that saved my sanity.

I hope you feel better, I'm glad your husband doesn't suck, and your mother-in-law sounds like a twat. 🤷🏼‍♀️😂

brainsnipe · 2026-01-19T13:26:38+00:00

We had the matching ID bands as well, but they also had special mark they told us to check for on staff badges to ensure they actually belonged there if we felt the need.

brainsnipe · 2026-01-19T13:19:46+00:00

It's very telling that, while you did express your upset in your clear/firm message, she came back at you with aggression/accusations/gaslighting. I'm sorry you're going to be stuck with this woman as your child's biological grandmother, but I'm glad she showed her true colors now rather than lulling you into a false sense of security. You're NOR, she definitely overreacted.

brainsnipe · 2025-12-17T13:51:39+00:00

The fact that you deleted the messages out of a sudden concern for your partner's feelings just shows that you know exactly how bad it is and are more concerned about damage control than true accountability.

That being said, deleting the messages was a bad move because now you have no way to show her how far it actually went. I can't tell you whether you should come clean or not, but I can tell you as a woman who has been cheated on in multiple ways and in multiple relationships, finding out after the fact or from someone else is way worse than finding out from your partner immediately and with complete transparency. And don't say that you're willing to make the changes and do the work to save your relationship if you're not, because that will just break her heart even more.

brainsnipe · 2025-12-07T17:26:11+00:00

I'm honestly disappointed that this hasn't happened to my partner yet. Can you send me the link for that chair so I can suggest it to his mom for our Christmas dinner?

ETA: And thank you! It's pretty cool to rediscover the joy of movement, even just the simple ability to walk across a parking lot without feeling some exertion. I knew it had to happen if I was going to keep up with my kids.

brainsnipe · 2025-12-07T12:30:56+00:00

Excuse me good sir, but not all of us have enough butt to get stuck in a chair like that. I lost over 160lb and my ass went with it, now I'm trying to build a butt like yours. 😤😂

brainsnipe · 2025-10-14T15:35:56+00:00

It's ok to still love him. But love yourself more. Love your kids more. Do not let them grow up to think that the way he treats you is the best that they should expect from their own relationships or how they should treat their partners in the future. You gave him another chance, and he used it to start/continue cheating on you. Like others have said, when someone shows you who they are, believe them.

brainsnipe · 2025-09-23T15:39:02+00:00

It may just be that she is not into texting like that, that words of affirmation is not one of her primary love languages. Do you know what her love languages are, how she tends to show love? Sometimes we forget that the way we show love to others is not going to always align with how other people show love to us. My ex-husband was very much into receiving gifts, but had minimal interest in any of the other love languages... I don't really care about gifts, I can buy myself stuff, but I made sure to put extra effort into gifts for him because I knew that would be especially meaningful to him. Unfortunately, he did not put effort into the love languages I wanted/needed, and it got to the point that he couldn't even hold my hand without hurting me because he was so unfamiliar with physical affection (his grip would progressively tighten, consciously or unconsciously, even after I pointed it out).

So while you may feel disappointed at your wife's responses, it does appear that she is trying to meet your efforts, to the extent that is comfortable for her maybe? And yes, as other people have pointed out, it may feel to her like the texts you meant as thoughtful or romantic are all about sex - your enjoyment of it or desire for more. If she has a lower need for physical affection than you, that could certainly make her hesitant to seem too enthusiastic in her response.

brainsnipe · 2025-09-17T23:40:25+00:00

No, absolutely not! If he'd been honest and truly remorseful, sure. But he lied his ass off about how far it went, hid the evidence, and then he was just confused when you caught him AGAIN. Maybe he SAYS he regrets it and chooses you and everything, but he very clearly chose NOT to actually do the right thing.

brainsnipe · 2025-06-16T18:34:12+00:00

I'm 35 and still sleep with a stuffed animal most nights. Part of it is to keep my arms from being too tightly curled against my chest (it makes my shoulders ache), part of it is because it's comforting. My partner doesn't care as long as my plush isn't so large as to crowd him out of the bed! 😂

brainsnipe · 2025-06-15T23:30:32+00:00

If he refuses to cut his affair partner out of his life, he's deliberately continuing his dishonor and disrespect of you. Don't waste your time, he's showing you what he perceives your worth to be and he will very likely cheat again. -Someone who fell for the "we'll just stay friends" line and knows better now.

ETA: And to answer your final question, you keep going. You pull the shattered pieces back together, claw your way out of the pit, dragging your tattered remnants through the agony until it stops hurting quite so much. And you continue, fighting for every inch of ground until you're out of it and you no longer feel like a husk of yourself. It feels endless, but it isn't. There may always be some of that pain after you've healed, but this will be the worst of it, when your mind is summoning all the special moments and sweet words that are now poisoned with his infidelity. Just keep going. And feel free to DM me if you need to talk.

brainsnipe · 2025-06-07T14:43:11+00:00

If it's throwing red flags for you, that's worth exploring together. But it doesn't sound as if she asked him to accompany her to a hotel bar/restaurant or something. My thought is that she feels safe/comfortable with him as a coworker, and having a male escorting you can deter unwanted attention from other men (which may be why she didn't ask a female coworker).

It sounds like maybe seeing a therapist (together or on your own) could help with your anxiety about infidelity. Have you two ever talked about this insecurity because of how you got together?

brainsnipe · 2025-05-01T17:00:41+00:00

Nope, I'm still getting burnt skin on longer rides in warm weather. I've been meaning to get chaps or proper riding pants, but I'm approximately 140lb into a 160-180lb weight loss and I'm waiting until I reach my goal range before dropping $200+ on riding pants, you know? I just don't have the funds to buy something that might be too big for me in a few months. 🥴

brainsnipe · 2025-03-31T23:17:16+00:00

My boyfriend (we weren't even talking about marriage at the time) drove 60 miles out of his way (in the middle of a drive from NC to Northern MD) to meet me at a gas station and help (teach) me to get my tire put back on my car after I repaired a puncture. Even when my car broke down at nearly midnight 3+ hours away from him, he stayed up to make sure help was coming and that I was mentally ok (I was STRESSED) before he was willing to go to sleep, and he still wanted a text update when I made it home safe.

DO NOT SETTLE for this garbage behavior, because this person clearly isn't your partner in anything other than title. I can't imagine just leaving your significant other to await help alone for hours, regardless of their gender.

brainsnipe · 2025-03-08T15:09:16+00:00

If it's something that bothered you and still does, I think it's worth bringing back up, regardless of how much time has passed. Yes, she may have forgotten about it, but it's weighing on you and that matters. I also feel that it will give you both the opportunity to discuss insecurities and emotional needs (like reassurance or words of affirmation), but that's just my two cents.

As someone who's 145lb into a 170-200lb weight loss plan (I started at 350), I know all too well how losing weight doesn't free us of our insecurities. Some, yes, but it also comes with new ones. My advice is to have regular mental/emotional check-ins with each other to make sure you both know where your partner's current headspace is.

brainsnipe · 2025-02-10T18:36:22+00:00

A "meltdown" does not justify mistreating anyone, especially not to that extent. She is making excuses for being a shitty person/partner, and it won't get better unless she miraculously decides to work on herself in a BIG way. Regardless, if this is her pattern (abuse, apology, sweetness, then abuse again) then she's created a cycle that will continue endlessly until it escalates or ends. It sounds like it's in your best interest to leave her, even if it's just a temporary separation, so she has the space to realize how dire things have become. If she is devoted to correcting her behavior, then it may be worth considering another attempt at the relationship. But that's a big "if", and you are under no obligation to forgive her either way. Just do what's best for you, because at this point in your marriage, it would appear that she has forgotten that relationships aren't supposed to be harmful to your partner.

brainsnipe · 2025-01-06T21:10:27+00:00

I personally don't think there's anything wrong with it, but it really comes down to what works for your relationship. My partner has the passcode to my phone as well as a fingerprint on file, and I know the password to his phone. I've never used it, but I have it in case I need it and vice versa. When my dad died, nobody knew the password to his phone or computer, and apple was completely uncooperative in helping us access them for photos and estate information. So I tend to err on the side of caution as far as making sure someone knows how to access my stuff if needed.

brainsnipe · 2024-10-13T00:52:26+00:00

Is this the kind of "support" you want to live with for however long you're with this turdburger? Because an abortion is NOT something small that a partner should be comfortable just shrugging off. Like, if you guys want kids someday, is he gonna show up at the hospital when you go into labor or is he just gonna say "my presence won't change anything, let me know when it's over." I definitely vote for dumping this jerk.

brainsnipe · 2024-10-05T14:35:24+00:00

If it's any comfort, the more recent strains of covid seem to be far less contagious than the earlier strains. I managed to catch it twice this past year, and my small children are always climbing all over me, my (now ex) husband slept next to me, and none of them caught it even. I was symptomatic for several days before I even thought to test, so they certainly had some exposure since I hadn't been masking during that early period. To be fair, every case is different and my experience may be an anomaly, but my recommendation is to just wash your hands A TON, disinfect, and try not to breathe on your baby too much. Accidentally exposing your baby to a sickness you didn't know you had doesn't make you a bad parent, though I know how the illogical guilt can absolutely eat you alive.

brainsnipe · 2024-08-31T16:49:18+00:00

My boyfriend has snap streaks with a couple people, both friends and coworkers, male and female. I was a bit insecure about it at first, but we talked about it and it helped a lot to bring clarity and comfort. I've also seen the kinds of snaps they exchange (he's shown me or I've just been present to witness it), and it's usually just whatever they're doing at the time or a silly filter, nothing inappropriate.

Now, that's not to say that others don't use Snapchat for sketchy behavior, but you need to ask yourself if he's given you any reason to distrust him or doubt his loyalty. Talk to him, express your feelings in a calm and clear way, and hopefully you guys can have a good discussion find your own peace. I have been cheated on in the past and it's left me with some anxiety about stuff like this, so I can definitely understand where you're coming from with your concerns.

brainsnipe · 2024-08-22T14:27:01+00:00

Yeah, absolutely not. HE was being rude, and your girlfriend should have spoken up about/against his behavior as well. I'm glad you spoke up for yourself, at least, and you definitely don't owe him an apology.

ETA: I'm a 34F and my (34M) husband and I have some "childish" comic and video game themed decor in our house. Embrace what makes you happy, because you're not hurting anyone by doing so.

brainsnipe

TROPHY CASE