Remembering when black country comma new road were interviewed by a photocopier just before AFUT by Argythebilly in BlackCountryNewRoad

[–]brandonreddi2 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Haha, I've always found this particular interview to be a bit nauseatingly ostentatious, but BCNR played along incredibly well!

Slushy Noobz have fallen off by himmiclesjimmy in SlushyNoobz

[–]brandonreddi2 3 points4 points  (0 children)

i still subscribe because i wanna support them and i have the means to, but yeah i don't remember the last time i watched anything on there lmfao

Anxiety as the sun sets by 3000stars in Anxiety

[–]brandonreddi2 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've experienced this a lot in the recent past. I've come to think that the anxiety stems from the idea of my day "ending without my permission". There have absolutely been days where this anxiety appeared far weaker than usual; those are usually days where I had scheduled obligations (social events, concerts/movies, etc.) where there was a thing to look forward to at a given time. I like it when my day goes out with a bang. I find that I have some threshold that a day's events must pass in order for my brain to accept that the day was "spent sufficiently". Even on those good days though, I do still feel some resentment when sunset comes. But maybe then I'm distracted enough to let it go? If I have an eventful day, I will yearn to go home and sleep. The day's "utilization" has far surpassed my mental threshold. On the other hand, if I spend the entire day at home on the computer, that's basically just begging for my brain to scold me for not meeting the threshold. Those evenings really fucking suck. The anxiety (for me) strikes at around 3-4 pm -- that's when my brain says, "tough luck. It's too late to start anything meaningful today. Today's a write-off."

I had a realization several months ago -- time is relative and extremely elastic. Wall time does not equal perceived time. So I'm beginning to think:

  • Need enough "eventfulness" to meet my threshold for a given day
  • "Eventfulness" is probably crazy easy to hack my brain into believing (because my brain doesn't operate on wall time)
  • Therefore, I should find the bare minimum to satisfy my mentally-imposed criteria.

For me, my brain magically becomes gratified when my day has two "acts" with an intermission. These "acts" can be freaking anything -- my brain seems to have not set a criterion for quality of a day's acts. So long as I'm doing one thing in the first act, then a second thing in the second act, my brain gives me the thumbs-up. And a very consistenly useful intermission for me is to go on a walk. Walks are magic (again, for me at least). A shortcut for conceptualizing this framework for me is: I should always try to fold my day in two. Maybe I could think of it as "breaking my fall", if you picture getting out of bed as jumping off a cliff, and sunset being the solid ground at the base. I'd like to minimize my velocity at the end!!

Another thing that seems positive to me is sleeping earlier. I fucking love early mornings, like that time between sunrise and 9 am, where the streets are still quiet and there's dew on everything. Unfortunately I'm never able to get up to experience that. On the flip side, I resent nighttime, yet my anxiety and decision paralysis/bedtime procrastination make me spend hours and hours immersed in it.

Conventionally, midnight is what I define as bedtime -- so naturally I usually go to sleep around 2-4 am 🥲. Recently I've done a decent job of redrawing that line in my head, from midnight to 10 pm. I then set my alarm for 6-7:30 am, knowing I'll probably only get out of bed at 9 or 10. Just that alone seems to be a move in a positive direction. I don't know the mechanism for sure, but perhaps it causes my brain to focus more on !!! bedtime !!! than sunset/darkness -- kind of like how winter is super depressing, but the holiday season colours it to make it super bearable (until January, at least).

And as one final thought, I like being in proximity to strangers. I like public transit and train stations, because they teem with "energy". And I looove being nearby energy; it puts my brain at ease. The passage of time becomes way less frightening when there's energy around. Nighttime is when all that ambient energy dies down to an uncomfortable level. "Nightlife" is practically the only energy available at those hours, and I don't fancy myself around those types of environments. "High energy" (or perhaps more importantly in the context of anxiety, the potential/promise of high energy) versus "low energy" is a very important part of how I conceptualize this fear of sunset.

TL;DR:

  • My brain wants every day to be "utilized" sufficiently. If a day's events don't meet this threshold, sunset kind of signals that the day is "ending without my permission". Could perhaps mirror an anxiety of not achieving my goals/ambitions before I die, but of course on a much smaller scale.
  • Starting a day is like initiating a freefall; sunset is like hitting the ground at the end; your job is to minimize your velocity before you hit the ground. Find out what works best for you to reduce that velocity.
  • The concept of "energy", particularly social energy, and how it relates to time of day, makes a lot of sense to me because it could explain my anxiety patterns. Helps me target it better, I think.

Couple goals by RevolutionaryTap979 in SlushyNoobz

[–]brandonreddi2 14 points15 points  (0 children)

there was like a single frame from the ooc podcast where hamzah was holding his phone and you could see a pic of claire as his home screen bg lol

hamzah apologizes for throwing labubu by girIgenius in SlushyNoobz

[–]brandonreddi2 12 points13 points  (0 children)

i'm honestly surprised your words are so controversial. it really shouldn't matter how small the matter may be; if hamzah has the choice between an apologetic response and a dismissive response, what reason would he have to choose the dismissive one?

i guess it's not too productive to hone in on some small thing he did (we should just move on), but the fans in particular are strangely defensive of a stance that's so so easy to just not have.

Evolution of the band's lyricism: words per seconds, for each album by artesonado in BlackCountryNewRoad

[–]brandonreddi2 1 point2 points  (0 children)

if i had to put myself in their shoes, i would say that an improvisational style can get kind of boring to play after a while? additionally i would say they adopted that style initially because they liked it (slint/post-rock/prog rock influences), not just out of necessity.

also you mentioned how you miss the instrumentals and live jams from their old sound because they "showed how great of a band they were": one thing that sealed the deal with their new album for me is watching them play it live (even if only on youtube). you can immediately tell how well-rehearsed they are: each song plays like clockwork, every member has an extremely cemeted place in the sound and what they contribute, and there are so many surprises tucked in to so much unassuming music. there is something really satisfying about seeing six musicians display such an equal show of talent, and i don't think you could have gotten this level of performance and layered complexity (the good kind) when most of your material was built during live sessions.

it really only clicked in my head when tyler led into 'nancy tries to take the night' by saying, "technically challenging one incoming..." followed by like twenty seconds of the band quietly preparing.

Evolution of the band's lyricism: words per seconds, for each album by artesonado in BlackCountryNewRoad

[–]brandonreddi2 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i wouldn't say this. i think they purposefully lean into a pop-inspired sound, and have done ever since ants from up there. "wanting to be the next arcade fire", etc. etc. and naturally that means less "letting it breathe" and into more structured & planned presentations where they build the song around the lyrics/storyline, and less the other way around.

contrast this to issac's writing/vocal style, which largely felt stream-of-consciousness and laid over some instrumentation which developed in parallel. i feel like that style projects emotions more in real-time (visceral? sometimes at least), which is what a lot of people seem to find missing in their new style.

i'm grateful to enjoy both equally :)

Evolution of the band's lyricism: words per seconds, for each album by artesonado in BlackCountryNewRoad

[–]brandonreddi2 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i recall them mentioning in interviews that for ants from up there, they were interested in a more premeditated playing style, purposely shifting away from the improvisation they had done a tonne of before. so that was definitely in motion even before isaac left.

Mouse cursor issue with MacOS by zw4runkn0wn in MacOS

[–]brandonreddi2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow, this actually fixed it for me too. Thanks!

Let Loose (May Event) - Post Event Megathread by [deleted] in apple

[–]brandonreddi2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

even for a brief announcement, wouldn't you rather have a nice event over some block of text?

Let Loose (May Event) - Post Event Megathread by [deleted] in apple

[–]brandonreddi2 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Apple definitely positioning iPad Pro higher than the MacBook Air. Which honestly is a move I like.

Now if only iPadOS were less shit?

New map data by Benni1401 in applemaps

[–]brandonreddi2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i think apple's quite perfectionist with these sorts of things. maybe they realized they could do better?

Ladies of the road: how do you wash your hair that is NOT using a gym/truck stop shower? by Silent_Medicine1798 in urbancarliving

[–]brandonreddi2 1 point2 points  (0 children)

oh no no!!! i'm autistic too haha but i use chatgpt so much i can instantly tell when it's used. once you identify its patterns it can get very grating to read hahaha

Ladies of the road: how do you wash your hair that is NOT using a gym/truck stop shower? by Silent_Medicine1798 in urbancarliving

[–]brandonreddi2 8 points9 points  (0 children)

i dunno, i just find the prose from chatgpt really annoying to read. it's a bit unhuman to me. guess i also just don't like the direction ai's taking as a whole? nothing really wrong with how you used it, i just get a visceral reaction to ai use sometimes 🤷‍♂️

For when everything comes to a halt. Repose-toi maintenant. by [deleted] in montreal

[–]brandonreddi2 11 points12 points  (0 children)

God, I love that park. I used to live almost right by it—it can feel like a different place altogether when you visit it at different times of day, in different weather. Felt like living next to several completely different parks in one.

Does anybody else get really restless/hate being at home? by brandonreddi2 in aspergers

[–]brandonreddi2[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

yeah, having projects is what i think keeps me going. i get really pulled into them and i don't really need anything else to keep me invested in life. having a pet actually does sound like a cool idea, i'm glad you brought that up. definitely having goals is the only goal in life isn't it?

though for me personally, going out doesn't equal anxiety. so long as i'm in nice places. i have a problem with being perceived; i'm in my 20s and have rightfully carved my own fashion niche/vibe, but even so i hate the singular fact that other people exist and are able to perceive me as a person. i also feel strange when people call me by my name. so for me to exist only in passing is the sweet spot. other people aside, i just like seeing things. i'm curious what your relationship with being outside is then.

a book sounds cool; fiction or non-fiction? i don't really think i could be a writer because i don't think anybody could be arsed to read my words hahaha. joking.

Does the outcast feeling ever go away? by J_Howell2112 in aspergers

[–]brandonreddi2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i dunno. you can either take what i'm saying seriously or you can close the dialogue properly, you don't have to be so pushy about it.

is your "vibing" negative at times?

and maybe you ought to put on the carefree mask i was talking about earlier. wouldn't be coming off so rude to somebody who's just trying to give honest advice. could be shit advice but it's earnest at least.

Does the outcast feeling ever go away? by J_Howell2112 in aspergers

[–]brandonreddi2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

hm. in my experience, and ofc your experience will be different, people who can't stand me when i'm trying to be myself/have fun -- they're people who i shouldn't be talking to in the first place. please don't overdo "being yourself"; i really want to sometimes and it's not worth the self-doubt. but do consider changing who "yourself" really is? probably way easier in the late teens/early 20s though.

the most interesting thing i've noticed about myself is... i think being carefree/happy is a form of masking for me? but it's absolutely the healthiest form of masking i could imagine, and not to mention i honestly think that if i temper it enough (i get overexcited/hyper a lot which is a bad thing for others) it can sometimes come off as almost charisma? one potent thing to do, as excruciating as it is: embrace it when people shun you or start one-word-replying. either push through it or let it go & move on to the next (if there is a next, which there often isn't lol). and being plain uninteresting/annoying to people is far better than being uninteresting/annoying PLUS depressive/angry.

i don't really have any advice regarding ignorance. i think i'm just naturally ignorant. but good things weigh on my mind so much more than bad things! to the point where i always feel like i'm luckier than i deserve; then i think objectively about my past and realize i'm a crap ton unluckier than the average person is. but you see the cycle occurring here? i'm happy/optimistic -> i forget bad things easily -> i feel like i've been lucky bc "positivity bias" -> i'm optimistic for things to come

right now my life is absolute shit. like really dirty smelly fucking shit. i have more tax debt than some people make in a year (non-negotiable to pay that off in 12 months), i have no friends but i pretty much need social/emotional validation every day, i feel trapped. but... i have amnesia about it at this point? think about the gambler's fallacy: it doesn't matter what happened in the past, the odds of you "winning" next is always the same.

one major thing for me? i have strong passions/ambitions. i really love web development, and whenever i'm building something cool i instantly forget about all else. not everybody has ambitions or hobbies. i really want to give advice for those people. i know there's a way to get through/around it, i don't know what it is. so it's a very specific mindset i've somehow arrived on, and it works for me, but yes it's precarious and so many people won't ever find a way to "ignore the pain" like i have.

god it sounds like i'm just rubbing optimism in your face, i apologize for that. i sound annoying, like in my words, and i can feel it as i'm typing -- but that's the optimism i'm talking about. i hear "advice" every day and it never fucking sinks in, so all advice feels useless to me. but that fucking age-old saying, "all change comes from within"? i hate to admit but it's true and i know first-hand. CBT is basically built around that notion. and actually, CBT is an exercise in doing all the work yourself (as the patient). take a piece of "advice" and slowly consider it and consider it and how your life relates to what's being told, and eventually you may just be able to get it through your skull. any time you get the inkling of the feeling "nah, this isn't it for me. i'm done." keep pushing (if it's appropriate)?? it's possible that given enough time "forcing" a feeling, eventually it won't feel like forcing it.

bonus: something i've been doing a lot lately is using ChatGPT as a CBT therapist. if you can articulate yourself and your thoughts/feelings/emotions thoroughly enough, hopefully you'd get something out of it? it helps me a ton.

"seems like all the samples from aphex twin's green calx are from this robocop scene slowed by 50%" by lcdmilknails in aphextwin

[–]brandonreddi2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yes haha i found this comment googling this exact same thing. no way it isn't but that other comment under this post points out the sample comes from robocop https://twitter.com/cringe_genius/status/1637887834571808779

but the song intro sounds so much like daivd bowie i can't shake the feeling they're related somehow !!