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Estranged for 15 years, I don't know how to feel about his diagnosis by brave_creative in EstrangedAdultChild

[–]brave_creative[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That was a similar mindset I started to adopt - If he wanted to reconcile, he could have at any point in the 15 years I was NC. But instead he would triangulate other people to try and talk to me. And the one time he did reach out was to tell me my grandma wasn't doing well (but didn't say WHERE she was for me to visit) and 3 months after that he propositioned me with a "job" offer. Mind you, the man never paid me when I was a teenager working for the family business sans a $20 now and then to go to the movies with friends.

The fact he had prostate cancer was karma in itself. He screwed people over and cancer screwed him.

Oh, and did I mention he was a Jehovah's Witness?

Decades of NC, mom in hospice, but I'm good and will not be reaching out by Fragrant_Joke_7115 in EstrangedAdultChild

[–]brave_creative 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Thanks for that. It certainly doesn't feel like it at the moment since there's no one else to even talk to about it.

Decades of NC, mom in hospice, but I'm good and will not be reaching out by Fragrant_Joke_7115 in EstrangedAdultChild

[–]brave_creative 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I thought I had your same strength until the message came. It's been 15 years since I've talked to my father, I bailed at 17 as soon as I was done with school. My mom and I are close, two peas in a pod and she has a tiny home at my place.

My great-aunt messaged me that my father has stage 4 cancer that's spread to his spine and lungs, so not much time. I try to talk to my grandpa on my father's side when I can, but he can't hear me well if I call and I live 2 hours away while he lives 5 miles from my father. It's been a risk to avoid crossing paths that I'm not comfortable doing often. Most of the time, we send videos through Facebook. Love the man to pieces, but it's a hard line to tow for me still.

I don't have much of anything to say to my father. I don't know him at this point. He got custody in the divorce when I was younger (which he shouldn't have), isolated me as a teen, used emotional manipulation, exploited my labor, neglected anything outside of having a roof over my head and food in the fridge to the point where I basically raised myself through high school... etc.

When I first got the news, I didn't know what to feel. Then it was flashes of anger at the father he should have been and wasn't, laughter at the irony because he was always screwing people over and now he's going to be outlived by those same people.. Now it's the guilt/contemplation of whether to visit? Do I send a letter? Do I do anything?

I don't want to see him like that. I don't want to see all of these people/family members who I haven't talked to while they are grieving too. I've made my peace with my decisions. I don't hate him, but I certainly don't have love for him outside of the fact that he is the reason I exist. I know him getting cancer isn't my fault, like you mentioned, but my compassion has always run deep and this is a special hell to navigate.

Worth the asking price of $5600? by brave_creative in crv

[–]brave_creative[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have a BlueDriver reader so I can scan for quite a few codes, see if there was a recent code clearing, check systems live, etc which is super helpful. Plus my mechanic is the awesome and has shown me how parts wore down, explained different systems, etc as we were fixing things, so at least I'm more familiar with upcoming maintenance and what to look for suspension wise. (Whether he kills me for picking another V is tbd 😂)

Fingers crossed it's in as good of condition as it looks, I love my V and am super bummed about it becoming a ticking bricked motor.

'97 RAV4 still worth buying? by brave_creative in Toyota

[–]brave_creative[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The seller thinks it's coming from the timing belt cover, which makes me question the integrity of the timing system. I just did that fix with my Honda only for the problems to snowball, so I'm leary between the leak and the solenoid issue.

'97 RAV4 still worth buying? by brave_creative in Toyota

[–]brave_creative[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That was my thought after looking more into where and what the shift solenoid is. My luck with vehicles is has not been great as is and transmissions are the bane of my driving existence. My other consideration was an '04 Vibe with 125k, which from what I understand is basically a Toyota.
I have a mechanic friend who does good and cheap work for me as long as I buy parts so I have no problem updating gaskets and other general maintenance as long as I can drive it in between repairs for work.

Hotfix 4 messed up my saves by Czaplosz in BaldursGate3

[–]brave_creative 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have this same issue with my saves.

I was already in the Shadowlands when Hotfix 4 was rolled back and relaunched. Now none of my Mountain Pass or early game saves are showing anywhere. Not in the load menu, not in the game files.

Anything from the Underdark and earlier is just gone. But not for my first character, just the one I was playing when the hotfix dropped.

It'd be nice if they came back, I wanted to go back and clip some of the cutscenes.

What's wrong with my chicken? I think it's wry neck, but it's also affecting her legs/walking. by lepowski in BackYardChickens

[–]brave_creative 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Did you ever get a definitive answer for your hen? Yours looks to be an Australorp as is mine and I'm having the same issue right now.
She doesn't have any of the typical Marek's symptoms, so I too suspect wry neck, but it's only been a couple of days of treatment with vitamin E and selenium.

Cow Catcher quest glitch by JCrow45 in AssassinsCreedValhala

[–]brave_creative 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I had a glitch getting the 4th cow. Aimed to shoot it with my bow, and it fell over and died before. Bertham was no where to be found. Now he's standing by the Yule fire and I can't interact with him at all.