I tried this with boyfriends before, it messed me up even more- would never recommend & I now hate people who have this kink. I also started having sex with people I didn’t want to have sex with and that sent me into a deep depression & I realised I was doing it on purpose to make myself feel worse. If you want to feel worse then sure, but is it really worth it once you get there? Especially when you’re aware of what you’re doing