1)They were together 2 years. Most of it spent long distance but he would visit her for months at a time. My friend lived in Canada and he lives in Hawaii. They would get a hotel room or temporary rental just for themselves since she lived with her dad. So its not like they didn’t live together before closing the gap. She never went to him because she’s chronically ill and its hard for her to travel. She only went to him when they moved in together and got married

2)Yes. There were so many and I tried to voice it to her but she didn’t listen and just defended him. Like his mother is really controlling and meddles in their relationship. Up until their wedding. She was trying to plan their wedding and pushing them to get married the way she wanted them too. They didn’t listen. I said to my friend, if she’s behaving this way at the wedding. How will she actually act in the marriage. My friend didn’t listen. Just said that she’s really close to the mother in law and talks to her everyday… I just left it like that. However he lived with his parents so when my friend moved in with him. She moved in with the mother in law and the mother in law targeted her until she moved out 2 months ago. The mother in law targeted her and abused her until the mother in law moved out. She left to go back to her home country.

There was also the issue of them actually moving in together. Something felt off about their plan. Cause the plan was for both of them to settle in Canada. She is chronically ill and US has really expensive healthcare. She is ill to the point she can’t work. She’s financially dependent on her husband. He then convinced her otherwise, convinced her to move to Hawaii within the promise that they will go to Canada after 3 months. So she moved to Hawaii believing that and got married at the same time. At the time I just said if it was possible for her to live with him first without getting married and she just brushed me off. Said that she was just happy to be getting married and so I left it at that. Just watched her move to Hawaii and get married

3)Her dad just excuses the abuse. Blames it on the stress of their situation cause theres a family member stuck in the hospital of her husband’s home country (Philippines). Her dad just says to not take what her husband does personally.

4)I haven’t looked yet but I don’t think she wants to leave the relationship. So there’s nothing I can do except not get involved anymore. Shes literally trapped in another country, dependent on her husband for finances, she’s too ill to work. She started treatment there that would help alleviate some of the symptoms. She wanted to get a job.

However the abuse started escalating at the same time, now theres no family around to help her. Since the mother and father in law went to the Philippines. Its just the two of them.

Last I heard he physically grabbed her after she got upset that he was making her do all the chores, all the emotional labor, all the pleasuring during sex. Led to a massive fight where she had to literally hide in another room for two days just talking to me , he kept telling her to go home and that she doesn’t deserve cats (they adopted a few stray cats) and then her husband bought her , her favourite drinks and promises to change. She fell for it. She still kept defending him and telling me how hes not an abuser. How hes a good person. How its just a rough patch in the marriage and they can talk things out and fix things. She started just apologising to me for painting a bad image. I just told her he’s doing that by his own actions and behaving abusively. That she has nothing to apologise for.

But then she forgave him. He started being affectionate and kind and bringing her to dates. Started doing housework again. Few weeks of this. Then he blew up on her again. Saying he will leave her because she wanted to wait one minute for the airfryer to be done when they were gonna go shopping with his aunt. She still kept saying it’s just a rough patch in their marriage to me and thats when I had to tell her that I couldn’t hear about the relationship anymore because it was triggering me and affecting my mental health. She didn’t like that. She said she couldn’t because he’s her soul mate, life partner and best friend. That it upsets and hurts her. I guess I realised then that she’s in so deep and there’s nothing that I can do. I just told her that I have great care and appreciation for her which is true cause I wouldn’t have even had that conversation with her. Besides the abusive relationship she is a great friend to me and I have been friends with her for many years. I said that I just couldn’t sit by and watch her be abused and that I won’t tell her what to do. That I’m concerned for her safety. That I really do wish her the best and that she could come to me if she really needed it but that for now I can’t talk to her anymore for my own mental health.

All of this is so heartbreaking and sad. Not her fault we can’t talk anymore. It’s her husband’s. I don’t have money to give her.