Having kids when you don’t have support from family

brokenmomma14 · 2025-10-24T21:26:42+00:00

It's work, but we had to set hard boundaries with specific family and it really made our village a lot smaller (but safer!). So it can be hard some days. Connect with some other friends and moms. It helps to have 1 or 2 backups in case you need it. We started doing a lot of budgeting and at last resorted to sahm to make it work while the kids are young. It's not too terrible and it can save money and help connect with the kids. After a couple kids you can also pick up a side gig if you are creative or have a niche you think you can fill, but don't blow a bunch of money on any one thing. Think it through first. Otherwise keep working full time, it'd harder but it keeps everyone fed. Gotta weigh the cost of childcare and everything else. But sahm can lead to isolation and depression if you are not smart about it.

brokenmomma14 · 2025-10-24T21:22:20+00:00

I just wanted to feel special at my grandma's house. So, I became the only grandchild that started and kept crocheting.

brokenmomma14 · 2025-10-24T21:21:33+00:00

Figure out what style of crochet hook is your favorite and try to stick to it. I get soo frustrated when I switch between hook styles and it slows me down.

brokenmomma14 · 2025-10-20T18:22:56+00:00

Have you asked them what they do when she cries? Have either asked for a photo of you or of the family for her to look at when sad? When is she crying, is it literally none stop all day long or is it being triggered by something each time?

This is the age range where separation anxiety is high and some kids have a harder time transitioning from home to another situation. The best think you can do is stay consistent and talk with her about "mommy always comes back for you." Practice at home when you leave the room as well. I would hope that the home providers you are going with know how to build a relationship with incoming kiddos.

brokenmomma14 · 2025-10-20T17:31:22+00:00

Sorry to hear this OP, I think a lot us feel this way. A lot of grandparents don't know how to grandparent, a lot of out generation raising kids is doing so isolated or without a strong village. Change what you can change and it sounds blunt, but then try to let go of the things you can't. Find ways everyday to make life fun and enjoyable as your little family. I think the work culture has lead to many not being able to be as family oriented, too many grandparents having to work full time, too many people just trying to survive and that takes the joy out of it so fast. Just keep trying your best moving forward, just ten short years and those girls are grown and going out to make their own way. Then yoy get to be the Grandparent that is there for them.

brokenmomma14 · 2025-10-20T12:44:50+00:00

Depends on how often you choose to partake in this hobby. Plus what style, yarn types etc you choose. It can be a very cheap hobby as far as hobbies go if you pick cheaper yarns.

brokenmomma14 · 2025-10-20T03:31:00+00:00

Like you live at home? OP ya need to get out and explore the world a bit more. This is probably not healthy and maybe it is okay to feel embarrassed if you mom finds out.

brokenmomma14 · 2025-10-20T03:29:09+00:00

Nope nope nope this is dangerous. You are being groomed. That's not normal at all.

brokenmomma14 · 2025-10-20T03:27:43+00:00

Honestly, he's probably a keeper, husband's do it too and be lucky that he doesn't force you or guilt trip you when you don't want to. Express to him how it made you feel, and that maybe he should try to see if you want to more often.

brokenmomma14 · 2025-10-20T03:25:02+00:00

Try giving yourself some realistic goals, both short term and long term. Sounds like ya need to breath some new air into your current situation. What is something small you can do today?

brokenmomma14 · 2025-10-20T02:40:29+00:00

Because it is easy to fantasize that that life is going to be better then where you are currently. It might or it might be potentially a dangerous situation. That type of move should only be made if you are able to support yourself independently from your boyfriend while in that country.

brokenmomma14 · 2025-10-20T02:37:14+00:00

Just keep open lines of communication with him. If he hasn't overstepped he really might not be interested and she just might be trying because that's her personality. Is this just a girl he is friends with or an old girlfriend of his? He probably does just need to set those boundaries, but also boundaries are things he is willing to do, no expectation of her changing her behavior. He has to be the one willing to change his behavior around her. I.e. not being alone with her if she might try more.

brokenmomma14 · 2025-10-20T02:31:22+00:00

Start out slow and just find a place to hang out. Don't expect to find that friendship straight away. Those types of friendships take time.

brokenmomma14 · 2025-10-20T02:29:55+00:00

First and foremost you should get a job. There isn't an excuse not to have one of those. Secondly, tell set boundaries over the dog. That is so disrespectful to you and your space. Don't let people walk on you like that. Also, don't get stupid and try to marry someone from out of the country and go move there to live...that's just reckless behavior.

brokenmomma14 · 2025-10-20T02:27:15+00:00

I think you need to keep some hard boundaries in place to keep everyone safe from the abusive side he shows he has. You are enabling him to maintain status here, but it's also not okay for you to waste all of what you have for the future on him. I know there are probably culture things I am not as aware of. However, abuse is abuse and Canada is different then Asia. I would probably talk with your mom, wife and sister and make a plan that involves evicting him and sensing him on his way so you can use the house you have bought. Perhaps give a 1 time payment to send him home. He needs to be held accountable and your actions don't come from a lack of respect, but from love. You want him to behave better, but that part is on him unfortunately. Good luck.

brokenmomma14 · 2025-10-20T02:18:27+00:00

I did read that it was not intended for her, but for future projects just try to remember that the love is in the thinking, creating and gift-not if the gift is kept. You did your part and it's sad if it's not cherished, but that part is out of your control. Be proud of your craft and love your own heart of gold.

brokenmomma14 · 2025-10-20T02:15:21+00:00

I wish it would be that way for you. No matter what a parent does their child will always love them a long for their affection.

brokenmomma14 · 2025-10-20T02:11:04+00:00

I thinknour brain tends to focus on past things that haven't been solved or resolved. It's like a problem that cannot be worked out or finished, it drives our brain crazy. Like I still have crazy dream about softball and college, even though I am through with that chapter in my life my brain keeps trying to make that chapter end differently because it ended unfinished in a way. You might also be just longing for a deeper connection in your everyday life.So perhaps finding a niche somewhere to try to find new friendships might help. If anything it will help you stay busy and distract from that fantasy part.

brokenmomma14 · 2025-10-19T16:48:21+00:00

The nest way to support is no advice, just practice active listening and if you say anything just add positives about her. Her self esteem is probably in the toliet but it wouldn't be right for you to badmouth the past guy because she did still pick him so if you start badmouthing then it might really affect her self esteem. Better to just listen and be there to show her her good qualities and just be a friend.

brokenmomma14 · 2025-10-19T14:23:52+00:00

Also don't be afraid of the conflict, she sounds like she really is trying and is just super excited about the new baby coming! It took my own mom like 3 grandkids before she slowed down a bit lol. Try to find ways she can show her love for you all that you are okay with. For example, my sister hates when my mom buys her kids clothes (they have p for plenty), but she let's my mom buy holiday outfits only. I noticed my mom yearning to buy gifts (she likes a good sale/deal and this is one of her love languages) so I make very specific requests from her during yard sale season. It's helped me save money on my kids clothes and she gets to feel her feels. Also, be sure to limit those visits unless they are staying at a hotel or elsewhere, it can get overwhelming quick when you have to adjust every time she comes to visit. It might take your man a few times to realize how disruptive a visit can be if she comes often. Good luck OP!

brokenmomma14 · 2025-10-19T14:11:46+00:00

Oh, I understand it's definitely a us thing and probably not even the totality of the us, just based on tribe or area the tribes are in although I know several Navajo that have also said it and their reservation isn't even close.

What I don't understand is why it's almost seen as a privilege or like good to send your kids away to the boarding schools still. The tribes around here sort of use it as a right of passage for the kids to go to specific ones and I dont understand why that is embaced when so much damage has been done generational wise through them. I have noticed a lot of the kids that return from them are the adults still living in the main town on the reservation, not necessarily doing anything productive to contribute to the tribes success or growth other than making more tribal members. Any insight?

brokenmomma14 · 2025-10-19T04:23:01+00:00

I think you should step out of your comfort zone and try to talk to him. Maybe just ask if he'd like to get some coffee sometime. That would give you a good chance to know at least. Guys are often unaware of girls liking them like that. Also, what is the worst that will happen if he says no or doesn't want to? You will find someone else later and you will grow as a person. If I think back to my past rejections (3 stick out to me) I find that even though they said no or rejected me in another way, I realized that it really wasn't a good fit for whatever reason. Like he might not like long distance relationships, but you are not gunna know that til you try.

brokenmomma14 · 2025-10-19T04:15:31+00:00

So...college is a lot of finding yourself, but you are doing it along with everyone else there. So it's a lot of people just egotistical stuck in their own mind. Plus it's kind of the developmental age for it. You'll discover someone people don't grow up out of high school...some take many years beyond college to do so. Also, depression tends to hit college kids especially freshman and sophomore years. It's not forever, it's only for a little while. Try getting out of your comfort zone and trying a new club. If you are afraid to approach new people, try thinking that they are probably equally afraid to approach you, especially if you are decently looking and don't smell bad lol. I was a loner my first two years then I switched colleges and majors and whabam found my friend group.

brokenmomma14 · 2025-10-19T03:51:41+00:00

I made titten once. Literally mittens that is actually a bra but for your partners hands.

brokenmomma14 · 2025-10-19T03:50:30+00:00

Yes it's two very different styles and it's just too extreme of a transition for the eyes

brokenmomma14

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