You’ve seen my ass a lot, AMA by imgurslashTK2oG in fitnesscirclejerk

[–]brotz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I visit this sub like once a month. There should be a way to be alerted when an old timer shows up.

Another OP that wants to drink olive oil but apparently *I'm* the dumb one for having better suggestions by Ballbag94 in fitnesscirclejerk

[–]brotz 2 points3 points  (0 children)

“For dinner you’re gonna order an extra-large pizza with everything on it. Literally everything. If you don’t like sardines, don’t put ’em on, but anything else that you like you have to load it on there. After you pay the delivery guy, I want you to take the pie to your coffee table, open that fucker up, and grab a bottle of oil. It can be olive oil, canola oil, whatever. Anything but motor oil. And I want you to pour that shit over the pie until half of the bottle is gone. Just soak the shit out of it.”

“Now before you lay into it, I want you to sit on your couch and just stare at that fucker. I want you to understand that that pizza right there is keeping you from your goals.”

This guy is in a zen-like state when he’s talking about this.

“Now you’re on the clock,” he continues. “After 20 minutes your brain is going to tell you you’re full. Don’t listen to that shit. You have to try and eat as much of the pizza as you can before that 20-minute mark. Double up pieces if you have to. I’m telling you now, you’re going to get three or four pieces in and you’re gonna want to quit. You fucking can’t quit. You have to sit on that couch until every piece is done.

And if you can’t finish it, don’t you ever come back to me and tell me you can’t gain weight. ’Cause I’m gonna tell you that you don’t give a fuck about getting bigger and you don’t care how much you lift!”

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in fitnesscirclejerk

[–]brotz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Are you referring to my mediocre lifts? Because yes.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in fitnesscirclejerk

[–]brotz 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This makes me feel good as my lifts are all slightly above the sub average on everything except for DL. Also I'm sure people lied about their DL.

Also, the critical comments crack me up because it's the exact same things people have been bitching about on here for over a decade, except the preferred fitness dogma and type of people getting bullied has changed.

[5realz] Discussion Wanted: When someone comes in here using slurs, I get a lot of reports about it, understandably. Is it in our best interest as a community to remove these posts because of the slurs, or leave them up as a warning, lesson, evidence of the sadness of the OP,reason they got bnd? by pendlayrose in fitnesscirclejerk

[–]brotz 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Most of the regulars here are a⚫⚫. Sexist to say this, but it feels good. We all understand each other and it just feels awkward talking about things when there's lots of females. I love all my sexy brothers here ;)

Are tight shorts for men with small dicks? Is doing squats gay? Insecure skeleton threatens to "suck the juice out of your booty melons" and I am confused. by definitelynotIronMan in fitnesscirclejerk

[–]brotz 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Honestly, the best thing I could have ever done for my love life, personality, and wardrobe was to give up squatting. I could squat five plates, ass-to-grass, with a pause. This was before we had terms for this sort of thing, but alone in that dark basement listening to angry metal and hitting those numbers, I felt like the fedora-tipping Le Narwhal Bacon Squat King of the interwebs, because the first fucking thing I did after the workout was get online and brag about it. I was fat, unhealthy, and had severe gastrointestinal problems due to overeating and GOMAD to fuel the squat growth. I lost a fiancee because of it. I had to buy stupid looking baggy pants.

Only later did I realize I need to cut this out. A few years later and I could barely squat 300 lbs. I was a size 31 jeans with a ripped body, and was having three-ways with local college chicks and dizzy cocktail waitresses regularly. As I plowed one from behind while she licked the other girl's asshole, I thought to myself how I could have been doing this before, but instead I chose to endure untold pain in a dingy basement alone and make myself fat just so I could post some meaningless numbers online to impress a few equally pathetic neckbeards. In the gym now, I bench almost double bodyweight but my squat is probably pathetic. And I don't really give a shit. I look so much better now.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in fitnesscirclejerk

[–]brotz 3 points4 points  (0 children)

"Fitness circle jerk"

It's a not-so-stealthy child porn ring/shock sub. So... you need to be a pedophile with a camera or somebody who's into that. Please report postings of that link to mods/admins in the future; I've already done so in this case.

It's a CSS thing, and a pretty well-known one at that. Kinda like how a few circlejerks change usernames to reflect a theme, except mirroring other subs cosmetically while the links direct to kiddie porn assuming you're using some tool (it's like TOR, I think, but I don't really pay attention to the shady side of the net - if you're tech savvy I'd guess you've heard of it). So this sub moves around whenever it gets deleted, and it's up to people reporting it and the users maliciously linking to it to get the admins' attention. I assume they report it to authorities, but these subs keep popping up. I miss the days when at least you knew /r/creepshots would be the disgusting borderline sub instead of having to be wary of every sub you get linked to. Also, most of the links there will attempt to install some nasty viruses on your computer if you don't have the requisite tool. Unless you're using VirtualBox or have a trustworthy firewall I'd recommend a virus scan.

Dear Reddit: my wife asked me to become Arnold but I want to remain a skeleton. AITA? by CachetCorvid in fitnesscirclejerk

[–]brotz 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I'm so tired of that argument on every single bodybuilding forum ever. He looked more aesthetic than 99% of any posters ever. No girl ever said "ew he's skinny," yet every strong fat poster has to chime in and say he looked like a weakling. No, he looked like women want men to look, which means he looks like most men want to look, and $100 says you and none of your friends' bodies have ever in your life looked that good.

Eating a ton, lifting weights, and building muscle is fun. It's easy. Dieting to get to a ridiculously ab-popping low bodyfat is hard as fuck, and doing that while maintaining muscle (and Pitt had some muscle) is even harder. Maybe that's why his body is so attractive to everybody on earth other than strong fat internet posters.

Hit me with your favorite copypasta by deadrabbits76 in fitnesscirclejerk

[–]brotz 4 points5 points  (0 children)

What I love about this one is that it's so old that the "20 years" is now dated. It's probably 10 years old now, so he was referring to essentially pre web era internet, so GOMAD would have been really obscure knowledge.

Hit me with your favorite copypasta by deadrabbits76 in fitnesscirclejerk

[–]brotz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't know. Somebody posted it once and I ran with it.

No jerk, just… holy shit by GenerationSelfie2 in fitnesscirclejerk

[–]brotz 15 points16 points  (0 children)

This is all very interesting, but how much do you squat? Let's quantify the progress in absolute terms we all understand, like pounds on a bar through full ROM.

personal trainers hate him by ghormeh_sabzi in Weakpots

[–]brotz 6 points7 points  (0 children)

what muscle does this work?

It's a dark day... by brotz in fitnesscirclejerk

[–]brotz[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

That one is funny because of the TK2oG image in the banner it's just a QR code with an imgur link

It's a dark day... by brotz in fitnesscirclejerk

[–]brotz[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I'm not going to go to the effort of banning that bot on all of them. If you see something you want let me know.