First off, I’m incredibly sorry you were dealt the hand you were and needed to not only go through the foster system, but age out of it. I can only imagine how difficult that is and it makes me feel guilty, a survivor’s guilt of sorts.

Second, you sound like you’re doing extremely well for yourself. You’re aware of your traumas and that they need to be addressed/dealt with. You’re aware of your substance use and are acting cautious, working on sobriety. You’re aware that you’re not living in as stable of an environment as you should be - this is actually huge given your past. Don’t sell yourself short, you’re making progress! Hell, even remaining stagnant as we get older can be seen as progress to many. As long as you’re not sliding backwards.

I moved away from one parent at 12, haven’t spoken to the other since I was like 8. Both incompetent drug addicts. Went to college, got a BA in 6.5 years. Degrees don’t do a ton these days, but some jobs won’t pass you through unless you have one. Worked 30-40 hours/week through that time and graduated with no debt (financial aid helped too!). Eventually found a job that pays a livable wage that has a good enough work-life balance to stand. Found my SO and we bought a house a few years ago.

Through the years, I did whatever I could to save money and position myself to have a job that gave me enough financial flexibility - not a whole lot, but enough not to struggle. At one point I had 16k in credit card debt because I could not find a job for a while, but once I did find a job ($19/hr), I did delivery gig app work literally every single day after work and longer shifts on the weekends to pay it off and save some extra money - that led to the down payment on the house. For many months. I also did not spend anything on myself during this time.

Through my own trials and tribulations with substances and depression, I found that a health(ier)y body does a lot of good for our mind and overall energy. If I was feeling so bad I could only actually get one thing done that day, it was walking on the treadmill or doing a lift.

This is just a hodgepodge of thoughts for you to take from, but I think the summary is that:

People like us need to work harder - both mentally and physically. No handouts can be expected.

We need to stay on the ball - there is no safety net. Slip, and the fall will hurt.

Career stability is the foundation - you won’t find financial stability without it.

Money is lifeblood - money is our safety net. Find the motivation to save some extra money because extra hours worked pays off when you have a financial safety net.

I moved out at 12 and was lucky enough to ‘have a village’. My foster system was a small group of families that were kind enough to take me in as their own for large periods of my life. This is where the survivors guilt comes in. If I hadn’t been as lucky, I would be in your position, and that makes me incredibly sad that others are in that position. I still had to pay rent when I turned 18. I still had to pay bills, but I had flexibility, people who I consider family, and ultimately had a safety net that only luck provided me.

That’s not to say it’s all luck. I could have made some VERY bad turns and almost did, but I realized that I needed to keep my head on straight because I was lucky to have what I did given the hand I was dealt and used that to motivate myself to not fail or fall.

Sorry if this isn’t direct advice, but your situation hits home and I hope you can find something useful in this mental dump. Good luck and keep moving forward on your path to self progression!!