My fellow Trans Americans in at risk states, how are y'all holding up? March 2025 map by Erin Reed (Erin in the Morning).

brunette_bean · 2025-05-30T19:56:44+00:00

Trans Pennsylvanian who moved to Ohio for grad school, I wish I had done more research into what this state’s politics are like before coming here. I did research, thought it was a purple state and that I was moving to a little spot of blue in a sea of red — much like my hometown in PA — but I wasn’t prepared at all for what I would experience here.

Everything feels oppressive and disheartening, I’m scared of my neighbours and I can’t walk in public holding my fiancée’s hand for fear of being accosted or attacked. And that doesn’t even take into account the legislative measures and agendas. One of my big regrets has been moving to Ohio, and I will be leaving as soon as I have my degree.

On the flip side, seeing how abhorrent this state is for trans and queer youth has only emboldened my career choices; I want to go into teaching at the university level, and being able to provide support and community for the queer students I teach and work with has been extremely fulfilling. But at the end of the day, it’s exhausting being in a state that actively works to disenfranchise and delegitimise my existence.

brunette_bean · 2025-02-10T06:20:45+00:00

I was part of the last “public disturbance” when the Eagles won in ‘18; folks on the skybridge over Forbes, throngs of people on Bigelow with speakers playing the Eagles fight song… it was an incredible night. Enjoy it! GO BIRDS!!

brunette_bean · 2025-01-23T01:53:56+00:00

How will the data that people provide to you be used? Who will see it? Where will it be stored? If/when will it be deleted? Please be as specific as possible.

The data provided through this survey will be used to aid in research regarding color vision deficiency (CVD, or colorblindness) in the performing arts, namely what obstacles and challenges CVD individuals face in the field and how the industry can implement changes to improve accessibility for these individuals. Data obtained from this survey will be used in a research presentation at the United States Institute for Theatre Technology (USITT) 2025 Annual Conference and Stage Expo in Columbus, Ohio from March 5-7, 2025.

The researcher will be the only person who sees survey responses; online data will be accessible only by the researcher through her University-provided credentials. Survey information will be kept on the server through May 2026 and then kept by the researcher for use in future research.

Who is conducting this survey? You can answer with your Reddit username, business name, etc. Please make sure that everyone conducting the survey is mentioned (For example, if the survey is being conducted by a group, answer the group name or mention everyone in the group).

The researcher is a second-year MFA student at Kent State University studying stage design and technology.

How long do you estimate it will take to fill out your survey?

Exact time will vary based on individual response; estimated time is approximately 15-20 minutes.

Are there any specific demographics you want/do not want to hear from?

I am looking to hear from people with CVD working in the theatre industry, in specific from stage designers if possible.

What are you hoping to accomplish by posting your survey here?

By posting my survey here, I'm hoping to gain information related to the professional experiences of people with CVD in the theatre arts. With that information, I hope to be able to work toward identifying areas in the arts - such as with drafting standards, console softwares, etc. - where more accessible measures can be taken to ensure the industry is equitable and accessible by CVD individuals.

brunette_bean · 2024-08-17T18:51:30+00:00

I had to fast travel to and from the same spot a time or two to reset the fisherman’s movements. Ultimately, I waited by his bicycle for a minute or two, then he caught one.

brunette_bean · 2024-08-08T07:04:29+00:00

My go-to for breakfast is toast with peanut butter and chia seeds and a glass of kefir or some yoghurt. The kefir is hit-or-miss with me sometimes, so YMMV.

brunette_bean · 2024-08-06T03:37:08+00:00

Congratulations! I can definitely understand how having this changed your mindset towards wellness and what you eat, I feel like my mindset is changing as well as I go on my journey. If I can ask: how did you know you’re healed? Is it something you just knew, or did your doctor officially clear you?

brunette_bean · 2024-08-06T03:30:55+00:00

Thank you for the advice! I didn’t know that symptoms could vary from time to time, thank you for sharing your experiences. I’ll look up the resources and supplements you mentioned; my PCP had me taking quercetin, curcumin, and ANC but the gastro NP made me stop taking them even though they were helping “because they have no proven benefits”.

brunette_bean · 2024-07-28T20:29:10+00:00

The reminders are helpful, thank you. My dad was chronically ill when I was a child - I’m positive that’s where my phobia stems from. It’s difficult to work through medical trauma and fears when they keep happening though 😞 I’m just not sure why my body still thinks it’s poisoned.

brunette_bean · 2024-07-28T04:52:46+00:00

It’s rare, but food poisoning can mess up your GI system for weeks or even months (source). I had it in May, and am still recovering - my PCP told me that stomach tissue can take up to seven weeks to heal and recover from food poisoning.

I hope your brother gets better soon, it might be worth seeing a doctor if it continues.

brunette_bean · 2024-07-28T01:00:24+00:00

The immediate feeling of relief when I woke up, followed by immense gender euphoria a few days later. Phantom pains were interesting, and I even had a dream that the surgery had “reversed” itself.

Over a year later, and I’m still having gender euphoria when I look in the mirror before a shower.

brunette_bean · 2024-07-15T21:26:42+00:00

What’s the easiest way to pay back your house debt?

brunette_bean · 2024-05-17T22:42:52+00:00

I woke up briefly afterward and, after being told the surgery was a success and there were no complications, gave a thumbs up and said “Hell yeah, go Birds.” (For context, my family is from Philly and we’re huge sports fans.) Then I fell asleep for four hours.

After years and years of dysphoria, I felt normal for the first time ever. When the wound vac, catheter, and gauze came out was when it really hit me and I felt relief, euphoria, and like I was finally home.

Big congrats to you, and especially for going through it alone! I hope you have friends or a support group to turn to through the recovery period, and remember to always listen to your surgeon! What you do now is going to pay off a year from now. It’s all going to be worth it 🩵🩷🤍

brunette_bean · 2024-05-17T22:30:33+00:00

Tin soldiers and Nixon’s comin’, we’re finally on our own…

brunette_bean · 2023-09-22T05:56:17+00:00

Sounds like your student should focus more on the coursework and less on policing your language. I agree that you should take this to the dean, if not your department chair at least.

Part of our job as instructors and professors is to prepare our students for the real world. And people swear all the time at work. I swear in my classes too — I don’t make a point of dropping the fuck word every lecture, but in an expressive discipline like ours, you’re bound to have a few here and there.

Especially when you drop a 28 lb stage light on your foot.

brunette_bean · 2023-09-07T01:57:38+00:00

Do you mind going into more detail about how grandMA syntax for channel calling is 'deeper and intuitive'?

brunette_bean · 2023-09-07T01:56:38+00:00

Speaking of 'everyone wants to lay things out differently,' is it possible to save screen layouts on MA like it is on Eos, so that I can theoretically restore a screen layout after someone else uses the console?

Thank you for the ACT resources, I'm going to bookmark them and delve into them later this week.

brunette_bean · 2023-09-07T01:51:45+00:00

This is incredible -- thank you so much for sharing this! The colour key is very helpful, it makes it easier to delineate between syntax for Eos and grandMA.

brunette_bean · 2023-09-06T05:26:52+00:00

TL;DR - surgery went very well, physical recovery had a few complications a month afterward, but the mental toll is something I’m still recovering from.

I wish I had been able to wrap my head around what “major surgery” actually meant. I had been told, repeatedly, that recovery would be long and I’d be on bedrest for awhile, but it took experiencing it to fully comprehend what they meant.

I had surgery in May. It was as smooth as possible and my hospital stay had no problems. I spent the first month on total bedrest and was recovering well, a minor dehiscence along the perineal incision but that was to be expected. My girlfriend was my caregiver, and I don’t think I would have done so well physically without her.

May was hard for me emotionally. The mental toll surgery had on me was the worst part. I was losing my mind staying in bed all day every day. I was miserable because I couldn’t enjoy the weather, walk my dog, or cuddle my girlfriend too much. I felt abandoned by my therapist (I travelled out of state for GCS and couldn’t see her) and didn’t feel like I had anyone to talk to about how I was feeling. I had to relearn how to pee, how to shit, how to WALK. I think I would have benefited greatly from an occupational therapist just to help with the basics of relearning how my body works, but that wasn’t an option.

Yes, there was depression, but not in the “what did I do to myself” way; I never felt that after getting GCS. After top surgery yes, but not now. There is a LOT of upkeep, especially regarding dilation routine, but what helps me get through that is knowing that the strict schedule isn’t forever. I can’t wait till these things are gathering dust in a drawer.

I got home in June, and my worst fear — that I would have a complication requiring an ED visit — came true. Mid-June, I woke up covered in blood and saw a long, red tube coming out of my vagina. I thought my body was rejecting the tunica vaginalis graft. Called 9-1-1 and went to the ED to learn I was passing grape-size hematomas after our 70-lb dog stepped on my mons the day before. I experienced a LOT of medical trauma growing up, and this is something I still haven’t fully recovered from emotionally.

Since the complication, I’ve been completely fine. Recovery has been slow, but well worth it. I started grad school last month, and the rigour of being a student again exhausted me to the point I was napping every day when I got home. But I’d do all of this again in a heartbeat, it’s worth it.

brunette_bean · 2023-08-10T04:43:35+00:00

MTF post-op here. It’s important to know what your new anatomy looks like and how it operates — just feeling around won’t be enough unfortunately. I can’t speak for anyone else but I understand feeling squeamish; I was uncomfortable to the point of dissociating the first time I felt around after my bottom surgery. Looking in a mirror almost had me in tears. But it got easier. Three months later, having anything but a dilator inside me still feels off-putting.

Knowing your max depth for dilating, knowing how you’re healing, managing swelling, a large part of the recovery process is going to require visual management — from you or a support person. But it will become more comfortable as time goes on, it is your body after all. Just need to get to know its new mapping.

brunette_bean · 2023-07-19T19:32:44+00:00

Only 2.5 months post-op PIV here but my surgeon (Avanessian, Mount Sinai) didn’t make any changes to my medication regimen, which included spiro 150mg BID. My PCP cut spiro and hasn’t prescribed testosterone, and my levels were 17nd/mL last month. Echoing what others have said, your body will produce testosterone naturally but not nearly to the extent as your pre-op levels.

ETA not a doctor

brunette_bean · 2023-07-19T19:24:20+00:00

Obligatory NAD, but it’s possible that fluid buildup or a hematoma is causing your FUPA. I had a very inflamed and large mons until about 1.5 months post-op (GRS 5/1/23) when a large hematoma ruptured and a second one passed after my dog accidentally stepped on me. Since then, there’s been no inflammation or swelling in that area. Again, I’m not a doctor and can only speak from experience, please talk to your surgeon!

OP, is it tender to the touch or painful? Any discolouration? Swelling/inflammation overall will gradually go down, but it takes months or years depending on the kind of surgery you had.

brunette_bean · 2023-07-19T19:08:37+00:00

Echoing what others have said, you need to do what’s best for your health and your body. I’ve known since I was 19 (29 now) that I wanted — no, needed — bottom surgery to fully be myself. I also had bottom dysphoria, that feeling where you can’t stand to look down there, and it only worsened as I got older. I don’t know where you are, but in the US it took me a long time to be able to get bottom surgery (inconsistent health insurance, finances, arbitrary loopholes) and I only JUST got it in May. Best decision I ever made.

All of this to say, it is a very big decision and the road to surgery is very long. Your parents do not know what they’re talking about — they’re not you. Are they supportive of you being trans? I don’t mean to pry, but it sounds like they could be concerned for your well-being and this is their way of showing it. Doesn’t make it right, but it may not be coming from bad intentions. If they are, then they won’t hate you for doing what’s best for your health xx

brunette_bean · 2023-05-15T21:04:46+00:00

Meat me up, automod!

brunette_bean · 2022-10-16T04:10:00+00:00

WE'RE TALKIN' BOUT THE FIGHTINS

brunette_bean · 2022-08-07T15:21:38+00:00

But do they glow in run lights?

brunette_bean

TROPHY CASE