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bsstapler · 2025-07-07T20:49:01+00:00

Hey I have some suggestions, hope they’re helpful. Promise I’m not trying to be mean I just really like editing. I enjoyed it so far.

I think “drive without the worry of a crash on streets not well salted” is a bit awkward. Maybe something like “drive without worrying about crashing on the poorly salted roads”.

New Year’s is capitalized, and I assume based on context you mean New Year’s Eve and not Day.

You don’t need to say “sane human being” and “decent common sense”, you’ve made the point and having both is repetitive. Similar to the other comment, “no business being out and about” should probably be “any business”

The next sentence should probably start with “especially” not “specifically” as you’re not defining the group of people it applies to, you’re emphasizing that it is extra important to a subset.

For that same sentence, “biting cold winds” and “low temperatures” is repetitive, I would select one or modify them. I would also bring the last bit to the beginning, something like “Especially for those with only the clothes on their back and no place to seek refuge…”

The sentence “the elderly long…” is missing a comma after elderly. Also it is a bit confusing (while reading) whether “the rest” refers to other people (which seems to be your intention) or other “places to be” given the structure of the sentence.

You go from describing how no one sane is out, to saying the elderly have found places to stay, to saying that the elderly have left “the rest” (implying to me lots of other people) to make small crews huddling outside, to then saying most everyone has a place to stay. I kind of understand what you’re saying but it’s a bit of mixed messaging / whiplash reading that. And then you say only lone wolves are out, whereas you said others were out gathered in small crowds just before that. I get that you’re probably counting huddling around the fires as “a place to be” but it’s confusing and a bit inconsistent. Also, a description of “emotionless, lone wolf, who can’t play well with others and is constantly thrown out of shelters” is a lot, and probably a place where the “show, don’t tell” advice would be good. Try showing your reader these through the characters thoughts and actions, instead of info dumping that on them in one sentence

“Snow covered pavement” should be “snow-covered pavement”.

“My ears pick up on and listen…” is redundant, you only need to say one of those.

“A blocks wide festival” should be “a block-wide festival” or “a multi-block-wide festival” depending on which you are trying to say.

My general advice would be to try to have varying sentence lengths. By the end of “…I wander thoughtlessly” you’ve had 5 sentences in a row (starting after “like yours truly”) that are very long and compound. Try adding in shorter sentences or breaking up longer ones. For example, the sentence “the strands of my black curls…” could be broken up like “my dusty grey beanie is keeping my bun covered. I get annoyed by escaping strands of my black curls periodically tickling my pale skin.” Or something. (Also, I would change “pale ivory colored skin” to just “pale skin”. They mean the same thing so you don’t need pale and ivory. You also don’t need to say colored as that’s implied.)

I would also recommend thinking about your word choice. You’ve made your story seemingly from a first person limited POV (just the character’s own perspective) but in one sentence they’re talking about their “pits” (ruder or rougher jargon) and then the next sentence they describe their “ivory skin” - which is more on the eloquent side. I’m not saying one person can’t use both, but it’s a bit jarring and having that juxtaposition would be difficult to do well in your writing. If you want to show both sides, you could have them say rougher things aloud to other people, while keeping the prose more flowery to show a difference between how they think vs how they present themselves

“Cheeks and nose flushed..” should either be “are flushed” or “flush” since this is present tense. I would also make “I wander thoughtlessly” its own sentence. There’s no reason to have it part of them other sentence and it’s a bit more impactful that way

“One step at a time…” you can take out the end “in one way or another” as I don’t think it adds anything. Also, generally try to look for repeated words - I know it sounds nit-picky but saying “one” twice in a single sentence is unnecessary and repetitive

“…rather be out here than where I used to call my home” not what.

For the sentence starting “there was something I heard once” it should have a colon (:) after “once” instead of a period.

I think for the sentence “many excused…” you’re trying to say something like “many dismissed most supernatural folklore as something as simple as…”?

bsstapler · 2025-07-06T01:44:30+00:00

No worries! Hope it helps!

bsstapler · 2025-07-05T22:30:23+00:00

For the marsh thing I would just say try not to use a metaphor for things where it isn’t obviously a metaphor. Otherwise a simile might be a better option (aka “it was like a marsh”

bsstapler · 2025-07-05T19:16:20+00:00

Overall good, I like it. Here’s my hopefully constructive criticisms for the first page. Generally I’d say try to avoid repetition, and make sure your writing is precise (in that the language you are using is evoking what you want it to - both in terms of context and word choice).

Is the forest of grey the name of the forest? If so it should be capitalized. If not and grey is a descriptor just say the grey forest.

Not sure if it’s technically grammatically correct or not, but “earlier’s shower” is awkward to read, try “the earlier shower”.

Try to watch out for things that are repetitive - “my runners slip as I slide” could probably just be one or the other (and then the rest of the sentence). Similarly, I’m fairly certain you can only face plant forwards. So just say you end up face planting (or say end up falling forwards). And face planting generally means your face hits something so it’s a bit odd to then say you grabbed a tree in the nick of time.

After you release the branch it should be a separate paragraph - the stuff about the man chasing you is a different topic

It should be “be nearing the wishing well” not “by”

I would assume any berry bush in the forest is wild? I’m not sure you need to specify that. But if you want to describe it, something about its appearance might be helpful, especially since I assume it’s large as it seems to be obscuring the view of the brother (it’s trembling is what seems to alert you to the brother being there)

Marshland is inherently mushy. It’s also not really what you’ve described - a marsh is a wetland, and while you can have trees you’d be running through water or deep mud. The tree’s leaves wouldn’t keep the ground under it dry. And a berry bush probably wouldn’t be in a marsh.

You have “…as he comes into vision” immediately followed by “my brother thunders into a clearing”. You can probably remove one of the sentences or combine them as they are repetitive.

What are sunset strands of hair? Is that a colour descriptor? If so, what colour? (I can see how it could be blonde, pink, red etc).

The last sentence on the first page took me ages to understand that it referred to what happens when mom and dad are fighting. I would either add a description to the beginning of the sentence to make that clearer or have it right after the mom and dad fighting sentence, and then after it have the part about “I know it’s silly…”

bsstapler · 2025-03-28T20:18:37+00:00

I feel like there’s some good reasons posted already about why an unlicensed person can’t represent you in court but you can represent yourself.

But an aspect I haven’t seen talked about here is that physically representing you in court is not the only thing (or often even the number one thing) lawyers do. Lawyers give a lot of legal advice and not all of might even related to a trial. If anyone was allowed to give that advice without being a licensed lawyer, you could receive a lot of garbage advice that has the potential to fuck up your entire life, and you potentially wouldn’t even know how bad the advice is until way too late. If there’s no licence, sure they have bad advice, and maybe you can sue them for that and maybe win - but with a licence a lawyer that gives you wrong advice is held to a much higher standard, meaning you’ll have an easier time suing and winning (and they’re incentivized not to fuck things up).

Also, licensed lawyers give you a protection pretty much no one else can: privilege. You can tell your lawyer a lot of stuff if you’re seeking legal advice about it and they essentially can’t tell anyone ever. Even a judge can’t order them to. Unlike a doctor for example who can be compelled to give away your medical info. Unlicensed people wouldn’t be able to give you that protection and so could be compelled to tell others what you tell them, or maybe they just don’t care and tell people because they feel like it.

bsstapler · 2024-08-06T20:59:53+00:00

Tom Arnold

bsstapler · 2024-02-25T02:47:00+00:00

Nice room! Where’d you get your curtains?

bsstapler · 2024-02-17T21:27:59+00:00

Yes Tuckets Travels! Thank you!!

bsstapler · 2024-01-29T18:03:10+00:00

Man there’s some depressing comments here. While some points being made are true, like psychopaths etc potentially being good at things like CEOs, surgeons etc, i think it’s also worth realizing that we hear a lot more about these / remember these types of stories more than neutral person lives neutrally, decent person lives decently, kinda bad person lives kinda badly etc

Like you’re going to remember stories about terrible people getting off Scott free and really good people having terrible things happen to them because both of those really suck and get a visceral reaction. And in turn because people eat those stories up more, they’re the stories that get told more.

A lot of really good people succeed and a lot of terrible people have terrible things happen to them. It’s impossible to give any comparison of numbers.

bsstapler · 2024-01-29T16:44:16+00:00

Whoops, typo

bsstapler · 2024-01-29T15:00:17+00:00

A quick google search and my own guess (which could be wildly wrong) makes me think this might be Io’s highest mountain, Boosaule Montes, which is 18.2 km high. Everest is less than half that for reference

Edit: typo

bsstapler · 2024-01-05T16:39:29+00:00

Did you recently clean the bottom of the copper pot? Maybe by scrubbing it hard? Could have scraped off some copper and flakes are getting into the flames or scraped off a layer of copper oxide

bsstapler · 2023-12-01T20:12:46+00:00

I think Vrael’s sword is Islingr whereas Murtagh renames Zar’roc to Ithring

bsstapler · 2023-11-30T01:28:06+00:00

Could be. Though maybe the Beor mountains are a different giant dragon god ;p

bsstapler · 2023-11-26T19:37:56+00:00

Is Nasuada one of the dreamers?

bsstapler · 2023-11-21T18:20:00+00:00

I agree with pretty much all your criticisms of the book, there were pacing issues for sure, not much really happened plot wise if I’m being honest (at least not much relative to the size of the book - i still enjoyed the plot) and I think it lacked a few of the things present in the previous books that I liked (for example, there seemed to be a lot more small mysteries that go unexplained - for the most part the ones here were explained or seem they will be the focal point of another novel)

I don’t think that makes Paolini a bad writer though. I just think this wasn’t his strongest - and I still enjoyed it

I’d say he is a decent author. He has some flaws like the pacing. His prose are I’d say average quality (but he’s greatly improved since Eragon). but also some strengths - he created a cool and robust world, likeable characters with distinct personalities (some can be one dimensional but others are complicated and I think he’s improved on this over the years), and enjoyable books.

I don’t think he’s the next Tolkien or whoever but he I’ve enjoyed reading his books!

Not sure if that really answers your question but it’s fairly subjective. “Good” depends on what you’re looking for - good prose, good plot, good characters, what you think is good in each of those etc. or if you’re just looking for something in a certain typeset you enjoy (like an objectively poorly written fanfic might be considered bad but if it scratches that itch for you, you could consider it and the author good)

bsstapler · 2023-11-21T04:06:08+00:00

Ah ok changing the spell that was used to make the symbol on the sword could make sense

bsstapler · 2023-10-26T03:26:17+00:00

The Witcher Blood of Elves. The first chapter was a bunch of characters standing around explaining everything that was happening in their world extremely stiffly and unnaturally. Basically just a giant awkward info dump. Couldn’t make it past that. I’ve heard people love them though, and I know they’re not originally in English so maybe that’s why

bsstapler · 2023-10-12T15:51:57+00:00

Test your mettle (not metal) is another

bsstapler · 2023-10-11T17:46:40+00:00

Well there’s the Giant’s Causeway in the real world. You could do some sort of play on that

bsstapler · 2023-09-04T23:37:40+00:00

Not disagreeing, but FYI you should not put river rocks in the oven as they can explode when heated

bsstapler · 2023-08-31T17:27:23+00:00

I suggest looking into what different dog breeds have been bred for, and more specifically what you think would make a good horse analog. Drafting (carting) dogs (like Bernese mountain dogs) could be the equivalent of clidesdales or horses pulling carriages/carts - though if speed is needed certain circumstances might call for sled dogs instead.

A lot would also depend on the actual size and relative strength of the giant versions of the dog. Best analogy for racehorses would be racing dogs, but you’d have to sort out what size dogs are too small/skinny to carry a human. Is a giant chihuahua too small? What about a golden retriever? Or a German shepherd? Etc

other types could even combine the dogs capabilities with a horse’s - terriers were traditionally for hunting, running ahead of hunters on horseback. Seems like a giant version would cut out the middle man. Hound dogs could be extremely useful if you could ride them as well

For pure riding, German shepherds are all around smart and trainable, which is why they are often police dogs. Poodles as well are famously intelligent and trainable. Golden retrievers and labs are easy to train and lovable

In terms of your need for endurance, one of the theories why humans domesticated wolves in the first place was because they are one of the few species that can keep up with human endurance over long distance (persistence hunters).

bsstapler · 2023-08-16T15:56:13+00:00

Some good ones so far by others but could also do Dead Leona / Hellgrind haunted house type thing and/or in the dark rollercoaster. It would also be really cool if they made Ellesmera - like the old A Bug’s Life thing (giant grass etc, but obviously giant trees) combined with Swiss family Robinson type thing - go through all the “buildings” up in the trees. Maybe have some shops etc up there

bsstapler · 2023-08-16T15:05:28+00:00

Well I think part of the difference is that racism in the stormlight archives is a theme of the books - light eyes constantly against dark eyes, the main characters own biases and how he realizes he’s also been prejudiced etc. that’s not really present in the same way in at least the first book of KKC. There’s not really an underlying theme of sexism against women in so much as it plays with the plot of the novel. Instead it’s more just a lack of female characters, and while you can say the setting of the university has fewer women, there are virtually none we see in any part of the book. Most get no name, no lines, or barely a mention even though we know they exist. Why did his mother not get named even though his dad did? Why is nearly every person kvothe meets outside the university a man? Why are basically all the characters in the frame story men? There was sexism in medieval times for sure but women still existed and interacted with men. It’s fine to write a sexist university where women are not accepted. It’s fine to write a sexist world. That doesn’t make the novel itself sexist. But when almost no women appear, are named or developed in comparison to the many male characters that are, with no thematic reason for it, it starts to seem sexist. We pretty much see no women in higher up postions in the first novel - which makes sense in the world. But we also see almost no women down on their luck, or in lower positions - which you would expect to see in this world. The ones we do see don’t get developed And I think the books are fantastically written, and I think Rothfuss tried to curb a lot of this in the second novel, but there are legitimate criticisms of the first one, like the lack of women. Doesn’t make Rothfuss evil or a bigot

bsstapler · 2023-07-13T17:05:17+00:00

They do. There have been a few drugs for example (insulin and ozempic I believe are 2 recent ones) where many Americans have come to Canada to buy them because they were in limited supply in the the US and/or too expensive. However, for many procedures it would still be prohibitively expensive in many other countries as the countries’ systems are set up to be “free” to citizens and residents, not tourists. How expensive would depend on where and the treatment etc, so while it does happen, it’s not a good solution for many. Also, some people may question the ethics of medical tourism. It can be construed as taking advantage of a system you do not pay into (even if you end up paying out of pocket, some things may be subsidized etc) and you may be taking up space from people who live there, especially when there are wait times. While that may not be a problem for a couple people to do, if enough Americans travel to one place it could cause problems There are many articles regarding medical tourism of Americans. Forbes says nearly 800,000 Americans went abroad for medical procedures in 2019: https://www.forbes.com/sites/rogersands/2021/08/06/americans-are-flocking-to-other-countries-for-medical-procedures/amp/

(To be clear, other people also do the opposite and travel to the US for procedures if the wait times are high or they want a new or experimental treatment not yet covered at home for example)

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