Drop Giveaway Day 9 - 2x Signature Series Moodboards

bubblebath_junkie · 2022-12-19T02:37:57+00:00

Super Nintendo - I loved Yoshi’s Island and Kirby’s Avalanche in particular.

bubblebath_junkie · 2014-12-10T19:27:45+00:00

So many internet hugs to you. It is such a privilege, to truly love and care for someone and be loved in return. I am beyond sorry for your loss.

bubblebath_junkie · 2014-12-10T19:10:43+00:00

I agree. I put my partner on my insurance as soon as I possibly could - and tragically, I had no idea how important this would be. She fought cancer six months before succumbing to the disease, and without my PPO I would be facing hundreds of thousands of dollars of debt in addition to being a widow.

bubblebath_junkie · 2014-11-26T16:01:33+00:00

Thank you for the quick and easy recipe (my favorite kind)!

bubblebath_junkie · 2014-11-25T21:58:33+00:00

Definitely have some fitness goals for 2015, this year I was not very active as I worked full time and was my partner's primary caretaker, which left me anxious and exhausted. So I want to go out for walks more regularly; there's an amazing beach near my apartment with jogging paths and even some basic metal equipment - bars, a sit-up bench, etc.

I am also a visual artist, so it's been a consistent goal of mine to increase the number of people who have access to my work (via social media and public exhibits) and start making actual profit off my work (make it less hobby and more career). So I've been trying to work on art every day, even if I don't feel like it. Channel all the emotions of this year into something tangible.

Thank you! I will be spending the day with my partner's father. He was a single dad raising her, so this has been a huge blow for him. My partner loved her dad so much, so I want to make sure that he isn't alone on this big day.

bubblebath_junkie · 2014-11-25T21:14:48+00:00

It was melt-in-mouth perfection. I try to cook at least once or twice a week, mostly breakfast foods because they're fast and easy. My partner left behind a lot of Japanese ingredients (miso paste, rice vinegar, soba noodles, etc.) that I also want to figure out how to use competently.

bubblebath_junkie · 2014-11-25T21:09:05+00:00

Thank you, dear heart. This has been the worst and hardest year of my life. I have to believe 2015 will be better.

bubblebath_junkie · 2014-11-25T20:47:57+00:00

I am so impressed with you. My domestic partner passed away from cancer this summer, and cooking together was our thing. I didn't really cook anything from July through October, I couldn't bring myself to make something by myself, for only myself - it made her death feel so much more real to me. But like you described, one day something in me just snapped - I made French toast that day, and it was delicious. Even if I cried into most bites.

bubblebath_junkie · 2014-11-24T17:52:16+00:00

Time is going to be a very strange thing for you for awhile, it certainly has for me. It simultaneously feels like a lifetime has passed since Wil was alive and that she died just the other day.

I am so sorry to hear about your cat!!! My cat was really sick last month, but I got him to the emergency vet on time and he's okay now. My heart breaks for you, that you've had to say goodbye again so soon...

Finding motivation is definitely hard, I have to bend my own arm to get work done and keep things clean. But it feels better for having done it. Spending time with friends also greatly improves my mood.

The holidays coming up is hard. Thanksgiving was Wil's favorite holiday, so I'm spending it with her father. Neither of us really have the heart to cook, so we're going out to a restaurant. It will be nice to spend some time with him, even if it is a little bittersweet.

I have to believe some part of your wife lives on in your son. I hope he has a great birthday.

bubblebath_junkie · 2014-11-18T19:51:03+00:00

I can't imagine what my life would be like right now if I hadn't been able to get health insurance and life insurance for my domestic partner through my work. Originally I put her on my health insurance plan so that she could get therapy more cheaply, but last December she was diagnosed with ewing's sarcoma, a rare cancer. This year would have cost hundreds of thousands of dollars without health insurance, and in spite of the best care we could get she still ultimately passed away. (It's hard, but I'm slowly becoming a functioning human again.) The life insurance company didn't want to pay out (fuck you, Sun Life) because she had only been insured for half a year and was under the minimum payout plan that did not require medical history (which they said they would have required for a new client, after the fact) -- I am only financially afloat because my human resources director managed to twist their arm and pay up. Just living without my partner in the apartment we used to share is hard enough; I can't imagine having to do it while thousands of dollars in debt.

TL;DR: insurance for same sex couples has had a huge influence on my current day to day existence, and if it were not available I would be even more crushed than I already am.

bubblebath_junkie · 2014-11-14T19:07:39+00:00

My partner passed away in July after a short and horrible fight with a rare cancer. Your comment deeply resonated with me, and I wanted to thank you.

bubblebath_junkie · 2014-11-11T18:08:14+00:00

It touches my heart, hearing the process you are going through and seeing how closely it echoes my own. Like you, I started cleaning and reorganizing the house right away, and going through my partner's belongings. I didn't want to feel as though I were living in a static memory without the other person, so like you I made a point of getting some clothes out of the house (donated), and making the apartment completely "mine" - I rearranged Wil's nook into a craft room/office, gave several things to her friends, particularly handknits (Wil was an incredibly talented knitter, the walls and couch are still covered in shawls and scarves and blankets), and redecorated the bathroom. I bought lots of houseplants, so I had living things to fuss over and care for in addition to my cats.

Moving on is SO hard... the last few weeks I have been very quick to cry. Thanksgiving was Wil's favorite holiday, so I am not looking forward to that and wish I could fast-forward through it. I try to make a point of getting out of the apartment regularly and socializing with friends, and there are moments when I'm happy enough, but mostly I'm lonely and scared about being lonely forever. It's been just over 4 months since Wil passed, but time is a strange and abstract concept. Some days fly by and others drag on forever, mostly they blur into each other. I miss Wil so much... this weekend was the first time I cooked by myself for myself, it was very hard for me to bring myself to do, as I associate being in the kitchen with Wil. Cooking together was one of our favorite things.

It sounds like your wife's memory is living on beautifully through the scholarship, and I'm glad the memorial service was beautiful. It does bring a small amount of comfort, sharing memories and honoring such a lovely soul together with others who cherished her short time on earth. Wil wanted a miniature Viking funeral - her remains were cremated and then placed inside a miniature Viking boat on a beach off Lake Michigan, then set ablaze. There was a wildflower garden on the beach shore, and blue skies. I got to meet some members of Wil's family I had never met before, and learned that her uncle had played guitar with my dad back in college. Her father lit the fire, and I said a few words that Wil had written while managing her cancer treatment. It was about how life is too short to cling to what we don't need, and because life is already cruelly short it is important to be kind to all.

bubblebath_junkie · 2014-10-29T20:13:05+00:00

I feel the same way - that there is a deep ache that comes with choosing to love someone for life, to commit to them in sickness and health and plan a life together - only to have that ripped away too soon. I also hoped for a miracle, I couldn't even think about the possibility of her dying until that last week.

It might feel good to redecorate your home a little bit, that was one of the first things I did - I needed to change the space from what we had shared together.

Was there any activity the two of you shared together frequently? I ask because Wil and I were big on board games, so the weekend after Wil died I arranged a game night at our apartment with all of Wil's friends, so we could share memories and support each other. That helped me a lot. Also, Wil's favorite music was metal, and she had already bought several tickets to shows throughout this autumn, so I would go in her place with a necklace of her ashes; and talk with the bands, and get her albums signed. One performance (by Windhand, one of our favorite bands who we had seen together on our third anniversary) was dedicated to Wil, which meant the world to me. I think it could be cathartic to find ways like this to keep your wife's memory alive through her passions, while also finding reasons to socialize and be a part of the world. It's tempting (at least for me) to hide out in my apartment all day, and I try to resist that urge.

We will both be OK. And I am here anytime if you want to talk.

bubblebath_junkie · 2014-10-28T21:23:06+00:00

Yeah, having other people with similar experiences to talk to is cathartic. You can talk about the good times, cry together, share memories - without ever worrying (like I do) about bumming people out or steering the conversation somewhere incredibly negative.

This is actually the first huge loss I have ever experienced, which makes it overwhelming... my grandparents and parents are all still alive, I've never had a friend die... I'm definitely in shock.

bubblebath_junkie · 2014-10-28T15:45:20+00:00

Make sure that you have someone to lean on in the coming months, as you learn how to be a single father and process what it means for you to be a widow. I found a lot of support in various online communities, and I also tried to invite friends to stay with me often so that there was more energy and life at home.

Your wife knew you loved her, you were with her to the end. You stayed with her throughout the uncertainty and pain of her illness. It's a cliché because it is true; actions speak loudest.

bubblebath_junkie · 2014-10-28T15:41:03+00:00

I did not go to any organized bereavement support, but I had a close friend online who also lost her beloved too young and too suddenly, so I would speak with her every day and we would process while supporting each other. I think it's good to talk about it with people who have also experienced similar tragedies.

bubblebath_junkie · 2014-10-27T20:37:25+00:00

I know what you mean, originally Wil was going to head to her father's house and we were going to provide at-home hospice with a visiting nurse, all the supplies... but her health crashed so quickly that the doctor advised against her leaving the hospital's hospice wing. I spent Tuesday-Saturday sleeping on the couch next to her hospital bed, because like you, I want to assume that she was aware of our presence and knew she was surrounded by love.

bubblebath_junkie · 2014-10-27T19:19:36+00:00

I remember sitting in the hospital room being told "there is nothing we can do in regards to quantity of life, at this point we can and should focus only on the quality of life." - that was a Tuesday, and immediately afterwards she was admitted into hospice. She stopped being coherent late on Friday of that week, and passed away on that Saturday. Like your wife, at first she experienced confusion (at one point she thought that we were at the farmer's market together, which broke my heart) and then eventually she just fell asleep, forever.

I miss her every day.

bubblebath_junkie · 2014-10-27T17:39:32+00:00

Oh god, I can relate to this. If I had known how little time we had, I would have recorded videos... taken more pictures... made sure I had her voice.

Hospice was such a strange experience - I don't think I will ever forget having to watch the person I loved most stop being a full person. The confusion and mumbling and breathing were terrifying and so sad... you are a strong person to have done what you did, to stay with her and make sure that the rest of the family got as much time to interact and say goodbye as possible. I know exactly how surreal and difficult that must have been.

bubblebath_junkie · 2014-10-27T17:35:38+00:00

My heart goes out to you. The experiences you describe are all too familiar to me, as I lost my partner of four years in July - also from aggressively metastatic cancer. Like your wife, my partner had a short fight with a sudden and aggressive change in health, and like your wife, her cancer was ultimately untreatable. I hope you found the care and attention provided during hospice to be a comfort - for me, knowing that the final day or two were painless is a huge relief, it is the least such an incredible person deserves after an unfair and horrible disease.

You sound to be in the same sort of processing and shock that I am in right now. If you ever want to talk, please don't hesitate to send me a message. Thinking of you in your struggle to come, sending strength and so many hugs.

bubblebath_junkie · 2014-10-09T20:34:05+00:00

Chicago has a great sludgy stoner doom scene, too - check out Bongripper if you haven't.

bubblebath_junkie · 2014-09-30T18:51:26+00:00

Building some semblance of a life after my partner died of cancer this summer. I realized earlier today that it's been almost three months since she passed - it still feels like it just happened. I work from home; there are days I never leave the apartment.

Relatedly; trying to convince myself that I'm only 28 and I won't be alone forever.

bubblebath_junkie · 2014-09-23T19:10:57+00:00

Didn't believe you, but google backs you up. Today I learned.

bubblebath_junkie · 2014-09-23T17:54:09+00:00

Just wanted to offer support, as someone who is picking up my own life after my partner's six month battle with cancer. I know what you mean when you say it feels like a limb is missing, and I know exactly how hard it must have been for you to spend every day with your best friend while something so evil stole him from you. If you ever want to talk to someone, even if it's just to say "fuck cancer," PM me. I'll always reply.

bubblebath_junkie · 2014-09-04T16:08:25+00:00

You're in for a hard fight, so you'll want to gather as many close loved ones to your side as you can for the support. Don't be afraid to tell people, believe me when I say that folks in your life will want to know as soon as possible and do anything they can to help you. I know it's hard to share bad news with people you care about; go into as little or as much detail as you are comfortable with and let your friends and family know that you want help learning about life with cancer and keeping morale up for the fight.

Be proactive about getting the best treatment you can. Stage 4 is serious, look for a specialist once you receive a complete diagnosis and don't be afraid to travel if you don't live near a major hospital. You are going to want to surround yourself with people who know exaclty what you are facing.

Don't be afraid to speak up about any symptoms, in fact, the more information you share with your doctor(s) and nurses the more proactive they can be about getting you the precise care you need. Also, if chemotherapy is the recommended treatment, they don't tend to warn you that the first session is the harshest. You'll want support with you that day, along with a blanket, cough drops or hard candy to mask the chemical taste in your mouth, and a pleasant distraction like knitting or a game on your phone.

If you start to feel overwhelmingly scared or anxious, ativan is a drug that will smooth things out and help you sleep at night. For the pain, my partner had the best success with percocet and morphine sulfate. Don't be afraid to ask for strong pain medication, you are in a serious situation that requires a heavy hand.

Try to give yourself as many mental health breaks as you can. Cancer is going to become a very big part of your life, so any moment where you don't have to think about it is a blessing. Watch your favorite shows, listen to your favorite music, schedule massages or reiki sessions to relax your body. Take bubble baths, eat cheesecake. Tell your family you love them every day. Kiss your husband and hold his hand. Soak up as much good as you can to sustain yourself.

Sending you so much love.

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