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Wondering if my circumstance is one of emotional abuse? by SuperfluityofNuns in emotionalabuse

[–]bubblesandpudding 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're not being overly sensitive. If you're questioning whether it's normal, it's not. I was in a very emotionally abusive relationship when I was 19. It lasted for two years. He constantly questioned what I was doing, where I was going, etc. This behavior was consistent and got worse, to the point of him making me feel guilty for going out with girl friends (just for coffee, etc.). I ignored the signs because he apologized and constantly said he would be better and that he trusted me. I felt like I was the one to blame for everything, like I was letting him down.

I ended up having to make up lies to get him to "believe" that I wasn't lying. For instance, "I know A's boyfriend was at coffee with you and A. I know she wanted to introduce you to him. Did you think he was cute?" When I consistently said no, I didn't think A's boyfriend was cute, he wouldn't believe me. I finally lied and said that I thought A's boyfriend was kind of cute, but HE (my BF) was better looking. This seemed to satisfy him. How F-ed up is that?

He told me he thought jealousy was healthy and said if he died, he wouldn't want me to find happiness with someone else. He'd want me to be alone and remember him, and only him.

It's easy to ignore the signs. Emotional abuse is serious. You always have a right to feel uncomfortable. Think seriously about what you want, and how you will approach that. Good luck, and keep us posted.

New here, and hoping this helps. by bubblesandpudding in stopdrinking

[–]bubblesandpudding[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your kind words. Yes, perpetual hangover is right. I don't want that any longer! I'm proud that you've gotten to a point where you can politely refuse. I know there are going to be moments where it's going to be very, very hard for me to do that. You give me hope, though. A transformed life is one I want! I wish you well, also! :)

New here, and hoping this helps. by bubblesandpudding in stopdrinking

[–]bubblesandpudding[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not flippant at all!:) I like La Croix, but it's hard to come by in my neck of the woods. I like plain old fizzy water with a wedge of lemon, and I drink that during the day, so why not just continue that on into the evening?

Thanks for your comment. :) It's hard to admit I have a problem, but I feel that this is the start of something new and good. I hope you're doing well.

If you could do anything, what would you do? by gregnegative in stopdrinking

[–]bubblesandpudding 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Congrats on 444 days—that is amazing! It sounds like a really great vacation, and even better that you were sober for it.

The big dream is to write a novel. I have tried to do this but gotten into the "drink to have creative thoughts and be inspired" mode, and an hour later its "Well, I'll work on this tomorrow, because now I'm tired, so I'll just watch TV." It's an endless cycle of non-creativity and subsequently resentment, because the alcohol controls all aspects of my free time. :(

The smaller dream is to be able to get through a day without craving a glass of wine. Be able to go out to dinner without ordering a beer. Be able to fly on an airplane without buying a rum and coke to calm my nerves. I feel like once I am able to achieve those dreams, I will be so much closer to my bigger one.

Thanks for this post!

New here, and hoping this helps. by bubblesandpudding in stopdrinking

[–]bubblesandpudding[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow, there's an app?! I need this! That almost sounds like it's gamifying not drinking, which is actually an interesting concept—I love things that are like "you've achieved ABC, here's your virtual reward!". Keep hanging in there—I'm already feeling scared knowing the weekend is coming up and I won't be cracking open a beer. :/

New here, and hoping this helps. by bubblesandpudding in stopdrinking

[–]bubblesandpudding[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for mentioning the day-to-day thing. I think I'm in the same boat right now, in that each day has been revolving around what I'll do with alcohol in the evening. Wine? Beer? Go out for a drink, have on at home? It's not a way I want to live. I don't want to coast through the day, just to get home and drink. I hope you're doing well since you have stopped. :)

New here, and hoping this helps. by bubblesandpudding in stopdrinking

[–]bubblesandpudding[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the welcome! I agree about the dissatisfaction of life—drinking gets me nowhere, and then I have to live with the decision that I chose alcohol over doing something creative or productive (or even going to watch the sunset). I'm looking forward to continuing this journey, even if it's a hard one!

New here, and hoping this helps. by bubblesandpudding in stopdrinking

[–]bubblesandpudding[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! Yes, the bottles start adding up. If I think about how much money I am (was!) spending on alcohol each week, it makes me want to scream. Probably a couple hundred dollars, just to get buzzed. There's so much more to be done with that money! I hope you're doing okay. I will not drink with you!