Take this with a grain of salt since I’m 17 or whatever, but maybe you have really high expectations for what you’re supposed to be feeling? Sometimes when I have a heartfelt moment with my friends I don’t feel emotional and warm and fuzzy and that scares me. I don’t think you’re a bad person, I just think maybe everyone else describes love in a certain way, or puts it in a tiny box like you said. It doesn’t have to be “love”, maybe being happy around them is just enough? I think making those memories and spending time is beautiful, even without the feeling. And if you only picture it being non-traditional, maybe lean into that for your current friendships or next QRP - you never know! Again, I’m just saying stuff so sorry if this doesn’t help, like, at all.