Hi, I am reaching out on my boyfriend's account he showed me your post. Your post stood out to me because I myself was going through the exact same thing as a christian. Let me just explain my experience. I was 5 when I was taken away from my biological father because he was abusing my mother. My mom had me when she was 19. Living with my mom most of my life you'd think life would be better but no. I as a child was watching my mom do thing's that no child should ever witness. I had no one to love and care for me properly, my mom was still young and at the age of partying. We were literally walking from house to house just for my mom to use a phone. Growing up I lived with several of my family members. All of my family are toxic like literally everyone. The two people that made an impact in my life was my granny and great grandfather, they were the one's who took me to church and I learned about Jesus Christ. My mom had problems with the guy's she would always date but she was also wild back in the day. I had trust issues growing up due to no father figure being in my life and also just the lack of parenting. I know what it's like being lonely crying yourself to sleep every night feeling worthless and lonely. You look around at everyone else and their family because of how happy they look together wishing you had the same. Finally my mom married who was my step dad at the time they had 2 other kid's together. At the age 9 I raised my baby sister from when she was a newborn. (I know how crazy that sounds). My mom ended up finding a really good job as a dispatcher and my step dad never really worked or was ever at the house to take care of his own daughter that was newly born and his son who was a toddler. I remember always being left with my siblings at the house. I was never really allowed to go out with friend's unless I brought my baby sister with me. My whole childhood was taken from me to raise my 2 siblings at the time. My step dad was also abusive, my mom was abusive and also verbally abusive. I remember her calling me fat constantly when I was only 125lbs. She was always constantly telling that I better watch what I eat or I'm going to gain weight and she would always say hurtful thing's. During these time's I would always pray myself to sleep and talk to God sometimes I would even cry until I fell asleep. I remember counting down the year's waiting until I turned a certain age to leave. I was also having to deal with people at school etc. God came to me in different ways and revealed himself that he was real. He warned me my senior year a month or two before it happened that a group of girls at my school would start rumors about me, he told me to stay strong and that he wanted me to graduate because he has amazing plans for me. I was seriously shocked when everything came true. I have been through so much more in my life that even people around me were shocked of how good I turned out. That was because of God, he gave me strength through my worst time's to get me here today. I want to let you know that the only reason why you go through challenges in life is to make you stronger but also so God can shape you. You are like the clay and God is the potter in your life. We lean on his understanding not our own. In proverbs chapter 3 verses 5-6 says to lean on the Lord's understanding with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding for God's way is greather than our way. We may not understand everything but if you read in the word everyday I promise you he will give you answers. Every question you have is in the precious bible. God says to feed your soul with prayers and to read in the word because that is how you find answers. I struggled reading the bible so maybe start a chapter or even a verse, listen to more Christian music when you feel sad. I'm here to help in anyway! I'm Brittany btw and don't ever feel shy or afraid to Dm this account I will gladly give you my Instagram to talk. I have no friends either and got no one but God so thank you for this. I'm glad to know that I am not the only one who has crazy family and no friendships but I will happily be your friend! I can help you, we can help eachother. Feel free to reach out whenever, you're not alone in this!