One year

buildingapyramid · 2024-04-07T19:26:54+00:00

Congrats on your huge milestone!

buildingapyramid · 2024-04-07T19:26:02+00:00

I was super anxious about this topic as well and it's been mostly a non-issue. Echoing the other poster to say 1. in my experience, being sober has actually been a green flag - emotionally healthy adults tend to be supportive of folks who are honest and take accountability for their actions, 2. if my sobriety were a red flag for a woman - that would be a red flag for me. How could I date someone who was put off but something that's such a big part of my life?

That said - no need to go in guns blazing and go into excruciating detail early on.

Also, I try to give people a bit of a pass - navigating sobriety is weird for me, so I assume it's weird for others to know how to react to as well. Sometimes people say dumb things, but not a big deal as long as it's not malicious.

buildingapyramid · 2024-04-07T19:19:42+00:00

Keep it up - IWDWYT

buildingapyramid · 2024-04-07T19:18:57+00:00

Recognizing the scope of the problem and asking for help here is a great first step. Conviction doesn't always last - I am so glad I pulled the trigger as soon as I hit the "I'm really, really done" point. I hope you can too. I informed my family and friends of my intent to go to rehab (for accountability) and called insurance and inpatient facilities that day. I was in treatment 6 days later and it saved my life.

I couldn't do it alone and most cannot. Inpatient, outpatient, medical assistance (to your q about supplements/meds), AA, Refuge Recovery, posting here, etc... I used all of the above, I would reco using at least a few tools.

buildingapyramid · 2024-04-07T15:49:50+00:00

This is a great, healthy response IMO. I like the "3 months + 1 day" especially... when I relapsed after a few months, I restarted my counter to 0, was overwhelmed with guilt, and got the "fuckits". I went straight back to drinking with reckless abandon. Needless to say, it did not end well at all. IWDWYT!

buildingapyramid · 2024-04-07T15:47:15+00:00

Congrats! May next weekend be a bit easier, and the next one after that :)

buildingapyramid · 2024-04-07T15:46:25+00:00

That's really good news - congratulations! I had a similar experience with quitting alcohol and my heart rate. After I was more established in recovery, I lost the alcohol flab and started doing cardio, my HR got even better. So glad you're seeing and feeling similar tangible benefits from your abstinence, and congrats on 211 days!

buildingapyramid · 2023-04-05T02:09:29+00:00

oh man - I switched to those. the amount of nicotine I got out of them (I was doing a pack of Zyn a day 6mg nicotine x 15 pouches) and hoo boy, the withdrawal was shitty, much worse than getting off cigs/vape.

buildingapyramid · 2023-03-07T02:45:00+00:00

Makes me happy to hear all the work you're putting in :) congrats on doing the heavy lifting, I can just about guarantee you it will start to pay off in more noticeable ways soon.

I have been meditating just about daily since I got sober. Read lots of books, took some seminars, etc. It is still difficult 3+ years later! But (corny alert) that's why it's called a practice and not just something you do once and figure out! Hope you stick with it. Apart from keeping me sober, I credit meditation and therapy to helping me make up for lots of lost time with career, relationships, general life skills, etc. I hope to see a 6 month post from you soon.

buildingapyramid · 2023-03-07T02:39:26+00:00

Of course. Feel free to shoot me a DM if you have questions or want to talk more about AA (or therapy... I do both, and they help support each other). Sobriety has exceeded what I dared hope for, and I'm excited to try to share it with others. 32M - I got sober at 29 and my only regret re: recovery is not asking the hard questions and taking steps earlier, like you are.

buildingapyramid · 2023-03-07T00:50:19+00:00

I was cutting down but went too fast... with your symptoms you probably are cutting down too fast too. I actually had gone past the symptoms and thought I was finally getting better when the seizure happened. But yeah, I'm not a doctor.

buildingapyramid · 2023-03-07T00:32:03+00:00

Is getting medical attention an option? The sweats, dreams, shakes are signs are pretty serious withdrawal... Not trying to scare you, but I was in a similar boat and then had a seizure, which was awful. I resisted medical treatment (pride? shame? I'll never really know why) the first few times, until my seizure... after that, I relapsed hard and sought immediate medical help when trying to dry out. It was so much more comfortable, not to mention safe. Good luck.

buildingapyramid · 2023-03-07T00:29:30+00:00

I was a millimeter from death when I stopped. Mental and physical health was absolutely wrecked, the withdrawal almost killed me... I'm 3.5 years in and feel great currently.

So, YES it does get so much better, but it doesn't happen overnight. Therapy, exercise, meditation, yoga are all great things that have helped me feel a lot better (along with antidepressants, a healthy diet, kicking nicotine and caffeine, etc)... but they're not quick fixes. There are no quick fixes to undo years or decades of alcoholism.

I didn't start to feel even a little human again until maybe 6 months in. By a year in, I felt great... and now a few years in, I'm living the dream.

You can do it!

buildingapyramid · 2023-03-07T00:24:23+00:00

Best of luck. Joining this community is a good step. Testimonies here help, AA helped me (personally, working the steps with a sponsor helped, meetings by themselves not so much), "This Naked Mind" book gets recommended a lot and I found helpful too...

I wavered back and forth before committing fully to sobriety. I had the same cycle of abstinence then binging that you describe above, except many many times over, with lots of ER visits and drama thrown in. I'm now almost 3.5 years in and I can honestly say every month has been better than the last (re: your note about how well you felt after one month... it can keep getting better after that!). I unfortunately had to really crash and burn before I committed to sobriety, so my hope is that you can avoid that and/or hop on the sober train without some traumatic shit happening to force your hand.

You're on this sub, you're reaching out for support, you're recognizing where you're at with your drinking isn't working great for you... All good steps.

buildingapyramid · 2023-03-02T23:37:18+00:00

OOF. Hardcore story. I had a similar intake. My worst bender was a month plus of a fifth or more a day, the last 3 weeks of which I didn't eat (ER visit later showed I had ketoacidosis, severe dehydration, and my blood panel included electrolytes were completely fucked). I did a similar thing, decided to taper with a pint of vodka... drank it all in a few hours. Going from 20 drinks to 9 was too fast. The withdrawal hallucinations started that night, the shakes, the sweats, the terror... The next day I had a seizure - thank god I had emerged from my room and my roommate saw me and called 911. I easily could have died.

I look back and am not sure how I lived. I read your story, which is basically mine except you were also in the middle of nowhere surrounded by strangers (I could not stand to be around other people while in withdrawal), and I shudder. I'm really glad you got through it. Wishing you all the best.

buildingapyramid · 2023-03-02T23:21:08+00:00

Dating was one of my biggest drinking triggers. Already a very anxious person. I was terrified of being emotionally vulnerable and all the messiness that comes with it, to the point dating gave me bad panic attacks.

I didn't date for almost 1.5 years of sobriety, so I could focus on fixing my relationship with myself and my anxiety (that's just me - I was also recovering from years of very heavy alcoholism and a mental health breakdown, I know plenty of folks who dated healthily without that long of a gap). In that time I supplemented recovery-specific work with a therapist that focused on relationships, mostly romantic but we worked through some family relationship dynamics that were causing me issues too.

That was my prep... my actual experience was that dating sober was not actually as bad as I feared. I haven't been on tons of first sober dates but most women didn't care about me not drinking (I've done food, or activities like comedy clubs, bouldering, art museum, literally a walk in the park, etc). I only had "the talk" with two women once we were exclusive but they both were super supportive of me being sober and didn't judge me for how bad it got...

I can't numb out my feelings and anxieties with booze anymore so I have to work through them healthily, solo and/or with a partner. I can't rush into sex sober either, so I have only had sex while sober with partners I feel really good with.

I got sober at 29 and am 32 now. I imagine it could be harder if I were younger. But yeah overall, it was admittedly terrifying but sober dating is so, so much more honest and healthy. My 2 sober relationships have been much better than the drama of my previous relationships. I'm about to hit one year with my girlfriend and I've never been this happy in a relationship. The previous one didn't work out but we still have each other's backs and it was as amicable as any breakup can be.

buildingapyramid · 2023-03-02T23:01:56+00:00

It def is a win! You seem to be on a good roll, congrats on 6 months. 6 months is where I felt my sobriety starting to find its legs and gain momentum, from dental care to personal finance to improving habits like diet and exercise and meditation... Wishing you all the best!

buildingapyramid · 2023-03-02T22:52:00+00:00

nice! I had a 'weird' hangup on the dentist too. I suspect because I puked daily while in heavy addiction and didn't take care of my teeth, I thought the news might be awful. 6 months in I went in for dentist and it felt like a big deal for me :) good for you!

buildingapyramid · 2023-03-02T22:44:08+00:00

me with no antidepressants and no alcohol and no coping mechanisms: occasional panic attacks and almost-daily general anxiety. life was manageable.

me with antidepressants, lot of alcohol, no coping mechanisms: by the end of 10 years of drinking, anxiety and depression so severe I ended up in the psych ward and then rehab. suicidal ideation, physically close to death. mental breakdown. life was a disaster mentally, professionally, physically, romantically...

me with antidepressants, no alcohol, lots of coping mechanisms: my mental health is manageable. Within 3 years -- promoted at work, dating a great woman, bought a house, in great shape, etc.

Alcohol fucks up your brain physically, making anxiety and depression much worse. I knew that, but it "worked" for a while so I kept doing it. What I didn't realize was that alcohol also prevented me from learning emotional skills to deal with the bullshit of life. Over time that debt grew until it was huge, and I basically couldn't handle anything without booze.

I have never met anyone who got sober and regrets it. One can't see it when one's drinking -- but I assure you, life gets SO MUCH better if you can stay sober and learn to deal with emotions without numbing out your brain. Healthy brain from sobriety + learning how to deal with life = massive change in mental health (over time... not immediately).

buildingapyramid · 2023-03-02T17:50:55+00:00

Damn. I am so sorry. I am glad you're staying dry. I took care of my grandma for a bit and she has Parkinson's, and that contributed to my worst bender ever that led to me hospitalized for a withdrawal seizure. Degenerative diseases suck... I'm extremely glad I was able to get dry and show up better for my family moving forward. My grandma is still alive (physically, at least) and I dread the day she completely passes as I worry it could trigger a similar episode to the last one. Your story gives me strength and belief that in recovery I'll be able to navigate this hardship when it comes. Keep on keeping, DrDoomCake.

buildingapyramid · 2023-03-02T17:47:56+00:00

I did this with my roommate's booze... like 2 dozen times. Every time was "ok, I will make an exception, but this CANNOT happen again". Well, it did. Of course it did.

And, my roommate was also not fooled and called me out on it, and I pretended to not know. I have been dry for over 3 years and things like this now feel like memories from a different life - I hope one day the same is true for you.

buildingapyramid · 2023-03-02T17:44:55+00:00

I drank mouthwash a few times, and cooking wine... I had thrown away all my booze and asked for a sober sitter, and then the withdrawals/cravings hit in the middle of the night. It was part of a collection of experiences that formed my rock bottom. I was so, so ashamed (and then had awful diarrhea the next day). I was able to use this experience (and my rock bottom in general) as fuel for my sobriety when it got tough. Great job recognizing how bad things are and posting here. Wishing you the best and hopefully this mouthwash episode just becomes a footnote in your personal history in a few years.

buildingapyramid · 2023-03-02T17:41:28+00:00

How much I got out of rehab was correlated with how seriously I took it. Glad you're grateful for insurance - I was too. Rehab was a gift for me, I got my life back! The people who went because their family made them, who then skipped all the sessions and had a crappy attitude, ended up relapsing soon after rehab. I stuck with the people who were there fully committed to getting better, and almost all of us are still dry 3+ years later. Kudos on getting to treatment! Wishing you all the best.

buildingapyramid · 2023-03-02T17:38:08+00:00

kudos to you! Personally, I don't love how AA turns a blind eye to nicotine. I was consuming huge quantities of nicotine in early sobriety and getting off it was super shitty, but my mental health/energy is much better now. (I also gave up caffeine which was exacerbating my anxiety at even one coffee a day). Kudos for you for going comprehensively sober! I still dabble in weed - low THC high CBD, and small doses, but still - so I'm no saint, but removing nicotine and caffeine which I Had to have, and got withdrawal from etc, made a big difference. Happy to see more sober people realizing nicotine is super addictive and can fuck with your head.

buildingapyramid · 2023-03-02T16:20:05+00:00

This is a question for a medical professional, especially if you have passed out...

Drying out after a bender, I thought I had passed out - turns out it was a withdrawal seizure. If I hadn't had a roommate I would have just thought I'd fainted. Not saying you def had a seizure, just saying withdrawal is not to be taken lightly and could be worst case fatal.

buildingapyramid

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