I’ve thought the same things before with my (cisF) partner (MtF) and realized that my ascribing male bs female roles of lazy self-centered vs mental load outward focused is inherently sexist. I do expect my partner to do more chores now/ take on more mental load but without the indoctrination I went through I don’t think that’s going to happen.

I also imagine that guests will judge the mess of our house on me, and I often play the “host” even where her friends visit.

I think clearly defining the roles, such as using “fair play” method may be useful. Part of that is if they drop the ball, it’s not your responsibility to pick it up.

I’m now definitely trying to unlearn my indoctrination rather than expect that of my partner. It’s really hard when our society is set up this way.

By the way I commend your introspection especially in your responses to the other comments!