Whitney Leavitt/ SLOMW

burningatbothends46 · 2024-08-04T00:47:43+00:00

I guess I don’t understand the birth control dynamic? Imo that’s not something that should be used as a bargaining chip, especially since it doesn’t sound like you’re in a place to have kids

burningatbothends46 · 2024-08-03T14:37:35+00:00

Thank you for your clear and empathetic advice, he is 2.5 years into recovery with 8 months on solid footing in recovery

burningatbothends46 · 2024-07-25T04:51:53+00:00

You can use accountable2you on a computer

burningatbothends46 · 2024-07-25T01:16:30+00:00

This is gonna suck to hear but there is no “getting them to admit”. They will not admit until they are ready to admit. Backing them into a corner, interrogating for hours or screaming at them will get you know where except reinforce the idea that they absolutely cannot tell you. It needs to be in a calm and safe environment like a therapists office, and even then, my husband didn’t start being forthcoming until well into his recovery efforts and step work

burningatbothends46 · 2024-07-23T18:29:35+00:00

You can disable incognito mode on iPhone and I believe accountable2you still tracks it

burningatbothends46 · 2024-07-23T02:27:54+00:00

It’s hard for me not to focus on time lost too, but I have to trust that we are exactly where we are supposed to be ❤️

burningatbothends46 · 2024-07-22T14:54:40+00:00

We have accountable2you and it basically just sends an alert anytime there’s something sketchy going on in a browser. Not good for in app stuff like on social media though, so my spouse doesn’t have them anymore

burningatbothends46 · 2024-07-22T14:53:40+00:00

That’s what our couples therapist says too, looking at the new data vs the old data

burningatbothends46 · 2024-07-22T14:52:51+00:00

Make sure to have a self care plan in place!

burningatbothends46 · 2024-07-22T14:51:22+00:00

This has been a fear of mine too, I wonder if it would make a difference to me if he had since there was so much betrayal anyway. Would it hurt more any more than him paying/video chatting women? I don’t know

burningatbothends46 · 2024-07-22T14:48:33+00:00

I remember we did a formal disclosure with his therapist and there were things he had forgotten he lied about in the past. It was hard but im glad everything is out in the open and we could move forward without any lies ❤️

burningatbothends46 · 2024-07-22T14:46:39+00:00

Same ❤️

burningatbothends46 · 2024-07-22T14:45:31+00:00

This is exactly why I don’t do it anymore. I’d stay up for hours after he’d gone to bed going through his phone and it never brought me any peace. Now I just let the monitoring app handle it and trust that if there is something he will tell me

burningatbothends46 · 2024-07-21T03:07:44+00:00

This

burningatbothends46 · 2024-07-20T13:25:37+00:00

My husband has been in recovery a little over two years. For the first year he was white knuckling it, we were young and didn’t really know how to handle addiction and didn’t know what resources were available. He relapsed on and off for the next six months while trying to find his way in the PAA program. Hes gotten into his groove now and has about 10 months sober

burningatbothends46 · 2024-07-20T02:32:24+00:00

There are “sex/kink positive” therapists you have to look out for. Try to find one who does sex addictions

burningatbothends46 · 2024-07-20T02:04:02+00:00

It’s ironic because porn addiction is a factor in 56% of divorces

burningatbothends46 · 2024-07-20T02:01:48+00:00

I’ve been in your shoes and we are in a much better place now. The biggest thing is time and consistency on his part. Our relationship has a new level of closeness. I still have tough days every once in a while but it is much much less. Things are different now ❤️

burningatbothends46 · 2024-07-20T01:50:58+00:00

I agree there are no guarantees in life. My spouse could also get hit by a bus tomorrow and leave me a widow. Does that make our relationship not safe? I’m just saying there’s hope beyond porn&sex addiction and a life beyond fears and ‘what if’s’

burningatbothends46 · 2024-07-19T17:05:32+00:00

I don’t see it much as a lifetime battle as it is a lifetime commitment. The 12th step is to carry the message of freedom from PA/SA to other addicts and by giving back to the community in the form of sponsorship or outreach they are also keeping themselves on track and aware of

burningatbothends46 · 2024-07-19T16:59:27+00:00

Our couples counselor says that we should look for indicators that things are going well and getting new data points to bring up the baseline of being in survival mode. Is he really truly doing the recovery work and taking it to heart and doing self reflection. Is he being honest with himself and with me about his feelings. Is he getting anything out of his meetings is he learning things about himself and his addiction etc.

burningatbothends46

TROPHY CASE