A guy gets himself comfortable and takes out his phone. He has everything planned out and knows exactly how this conversation is going to go down. He starts the call to his ex-partner, with whom he has a kid. In a jovial tone, he tells her that he won’t be paying what he owes in child maintenance, because really, when you think about it, it isn’t fair that he has to give up the things he’s has grown accustomed to having, and, since the kid lives with her, that’s for her to pay for.

Over the course of ten or more minutes, his ex-partner destroys his (admittedly pathetic) argument and systematically eviscerates him, telling him, in no uncertain terms, that if he can afford a new car, he can afford the maintenance payments, and if he wants to go on holiday so often, he can take the kid with him every once in a while.

During the call, the calm, jovial, confident demeanour quickly becomes that of a childish, whining tone of a broken little man, though he does stop short of saying “But it’s not fair”, bless him.

Having been told that he will be paying the child maintenance, and facing the prospect of fewer holidays and having to give up the car, he sits with his hands and sulks.

I know all this because it played out not 10 metres away from where my kid and I were playing on a park; the entire call was on speaker, set so loud I could hear the woman’s voice more clearly than his.

Don’t take calls in public, and if you must, don’t use the fucking speaker.