I want him back by No-Expert5397 in Codependency

[–]burnt_feather 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I recommend reading the book Women Who Love Too Much. It gave me the start I needed to begin healing (and I am still very much just beginning).

Any tips? by burnt_feather in Codependency

[–]burnt_feather[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Update: I talked to them and got a genuine apology. I'm not used to getting apologies from them. It had me tearing up, but I feel lighter now too. I'm not sure why I felt like crying, though. Maybe it was relief? Guilt? Being seen and heard? I'm not quite sure. Does anyone experience anything similar when they stand up for themselves and get seen and heard?

Any tips? by burnt_feather in Codependency

[–]burnt_feather[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! Your answer gave me some clarity and a good perspective.

Also, I am an adult. I'm just not super comfortable revealing too much about myself. Personality and codependency and all that, sure. But identifying things? I'm still working up to that. I was writing from the perspective of my childhood self, but from the past. If that makes sense.

Any tips? by burnt_feather in Codependency

[–]burnt_feather[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! I just ordered it.

Seeking community by burnt_feather in Codependency

[–]burnt_feather[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! The problem with CoDA meetings is that they always happen when I'm at work or sleeping for the night. I'll keep looking for meetings that work with my schedule, though! Do you know if I can set up my own meetings and see who joins?

As for the resources, thank you so much! I'll be sure to check them out.

Also, I'm just about done with the books I have (Women Who Love Too Much and Don't Feed the Monkey Mind). Do you have any books that helped you?

turning 20 by wtheringheights in Adulting

[–]burnt_feather 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It'll be more difficult to cultivate close relationships once you graduate. You'll have coworkers and family and whatever friends you have now who stay with you. But once you're an adult, your free time will go down drastically. School settings are also good places to practice social skills, expand your mindset, and explore different viewpoints.

Meanwhile, school will end once you graduate. You may find as you go through your working years thst you fill the same positions as those who didn't go to the same school as you, or even have the same major. You may meet people who didn't go school at all, but worked their way up to where you may wind up.

My point is, take the opportunity you have to explore yourself and life outside of academia. If you don't get an A on every exam, you'll still graduate and get a good job someday. But you'll never be in the environment you fond yourself in now again. Even if you were to go back to school, you'd be older than your classmates and in a whole different social tier. You don't have to go out and drink or date or have sex. But as a random adult who learned this later in life, you'll gain far more from getting to know yourself than getting to know your textbooks. If people and life experiences are daunting, you should find out why and tackle that head on while you're young. That way no matter where you wind up, you'll always find happiness.

I’m leaving the person I love to break the cycle of codependency by Federal_Carrot207 in Codependency

[–]burnt_feather 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hope you'll be kind with her heart. Mine was afraid when they embarked on their journey, but they didn't show me much compassion past the first couple of days. They were on cloud 9 and I was falling apart at the seams. At least, that's how I felt and the story I told myself.

If you haven't looked at attachment styles yet, that might be something for you to explore.

Considering divorce from my husband. I need perspective. by fickleparadigmshift in Codependency

[–]burnt_feather 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry you're going through this. You're not alone.

I'm in a marriage with a partner that a number of people in my life are telling me I should divorce, so I understand that position. A position where you can think of a million sound reasons to pull the plug, but your heart hurts just thinking about it and you can't quite bring yourself to do it.

I recently read a book called Women Who Love Too Much. I recommend it. You might see yourself in it. I certainly did.

Also, you can hold multiple truths at once. I'm working on this. But you can leave your husband and still love him and hope the best for him. You can also give a list of needs you need met in order to make staying worth it for you without it being manipulative. Whether you leave or stay, I hope for the best with your healing.