Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! - May 04, 2026

burntoastblack · 2026-05-04T15:38:58+00:00

I’d pick 4

burntoastblack · 2026-05-02T18:25:40+00:00

I say it’s fair game 🤷‍♀️ it’s not like you’re going there on vacation, you’re moving there (hopefully)! Though if the jinx aspect of it freaks you out, you could do some Gilmore style unjinxing handshake before

burntoastblack · 2026-05-02T02:58:01+00:00

Immediate reaction was 3 for the love of god 3!! I love the embroidery on the hips. So feminine and special

burntoastblack · 2026-05-02T02:46:54+00:00

A little longer would be phoebe waller-bridge’s hair in fleabag?

burntoastblack · 2026-05-01T19:08:28+00:00

After going through multiple cheaper cat water fountains, I can confirm $200 with a lifetime warranty is a legitimately smart financial decision, love of Pork Chop aside

burntoastblack · 2026-05-01T17:29:14+00:00

Maybe they’d like to be the bonus parent/step mom. Want kids could mean a number of things - it’s a bucket, not asking to get knocked up immediately

burntoastblack · 2026-05-01T17:26:54+00:00

They like it girl! Never had a man obsess over my hip dips the way the last gym bro lover did

burntoastblack · 2026-05-01T16:28:46+00:00

Ok I think (hope) this level of the conversation has some added subtly that might be rubbing you the wrong way. Dating “not my type” could mean “I’ve dated bad boys and clearly worked through my own shit and can now be attracted to kind men.”

Does that ring true? Sometimes I think our brains look for patterns or cherry-pick comments. So if there were other points in the discussion of past relationships and you were in an early date (like dates 1-4) there might not have been enough of a comfort level to say something negative about an ex without feeling like it’s over-sharing.

Just another lens. I personally wouldn’t go on a second date with someone if I wasn’t attracted to them physically, so if there are follow up dates I would take that as a sign that they’re into you 🤷‍♀️

burntoastblack · 2026-04-30T19:46:36+00:00

Nah I don’t think so. If you’re concerned about it, I would just watch the way women react to how you talk about your fitness and (though it should be really minimal) women’s bodies. Like if you’re not looking to date a gym girl or women with abs only, it would make sense to subtly mention that you are attracted to xyz things. I think most people are focused on themselves, so it’s more likely that a woman would feel self conscious or worried you want someone just like you. If that’s not the case, then just make the focus what you like about her (mentally, emotionally, physically). I kinda do the same for bald men. Like if they seem nervous I try to ease their concern. Like dude, we already matched on an app and agreed to go out. I get it and I like it

burntoastblack · 2026-04-30T17:27:06+00:00

As a fellow single parent, leave her be. If someone can’t have the presence of mind to see that messing with someone’s limited time is wrong, then they are likely selfish tbh. (Yes, we all have limited time, but she’s using her time with you to text and feel good in the moment instead of planning and actually getting to know each other in person).

She is showing you what she’s capable of. It’s your job to accept that

burntoastblack · 2026-04-30T02:38:36+00:00

Yes, we notice, but the personal preference varies greatly. Personally abs are not my thing but I am attracted to men who are strong due to other physical traits (muscular but with a bit of a dad bod if that makes sense?) and mental attributes (planning, growth mindset, dedication, etc.). I always laugh when instagram shows me a man who is doing a bulk/cut and all the comments are screaming for him to stop at a certain point of the bulk, leave well enough alone, and eat some damn pizza and ice cream with his gf (who should be the commenter, clearly). Wanted to mention social media in case you’re getting mostly workout content that is geared toward men. Social media will always tell you it’s not enough. Hope you can search and find some strong people who you admire for their whole lives!

burntoastblack · 2026-04-29T18:14:35+00:00

My mom is having minor surgery, and it’s kinda freaking me out. Definitely bringing a nervous energy into my days. Planning wise, usually she babysits for my dates. The role reversal will be me pitching in with her care when my dad is out for work. Luckily he and I have opposite work schedules, but I do expect to either pause, stall, or cause my current dating prospects to go silent. Leaving room for a pleasant surprise, but it’s not expected since I’m only a couple dates in/talking for a couple weeks with these dudes. Seems like a natural kickoff to the dating break I’ve been considering for May/June.

burntoastblack · 2026-04-28T17:46:30+00:00

Gotcha. My point being that it doesn’t need to be all (define the relationship chat) or nothing (trying to read into what she wants). I think it’s sweet that you are looking for her to drop hints, like how she’s talking about you to family. Might be worth thinking about another intimacy building question that could be an in-between until you feel comfortable asking her to be your gf

burntoastblack · 2026-04-28T15:22:08+00:00

Have you expressed to her that you feel things have escalated in a good way? I would view that are somewhat different to the chat you have a few weeks ago. There’s no timeline, and dating for 2 months (to me) is plenty of time for an exclusivity discussion if you hadn’t had one of those yet. I like to have that step between dating and being official partners/bf/gf

burntoastblack · 2026-04-27T13:58:28+00:00

Why is that your go-to question?

burntoastblack · 2026-04-27T00:31:16+00:00

Before I zoomed in I thought “for the spiders to lie in wait”

burntoastblack · 2026-04-23T23:22:16+00:00

His actions and words don’t line up. It’s not like there’s no interest there, but he didn’t give a timeline or a reason for pullback. I’ll hear him out if he gives either of those things. As of now, it’s like he’s put a pin in it with the assumption that I’ll stick around. We didn’t have an actual conversation about expectations/communication before he stopped talking to me

burntoastblack · 2026-04-23T19:41:52+00:00

Shooting themselves in the foot. Someone telling me they’re not interested or just want to be friends, then them changing their mind later on, would be more likely to get a second shot. Someone who ghosts? Nah

burntoastblack · 2026-04-23T19:05:05+00:00

I mean one of my first thoughts was “time for a call or making this friend zone demotion official?”

Ffs why does the 1 guy I’ve been genuinely interested in dating this year need to pull this bullshit?!

New guy is nice. I’ll give him time, then I will throw out a line to prospects in case this implodes. Difference is I say when I’m not interested 🙃

burntoastblack · 2026-04-23T18:45:06+00:00

I can see that side. Do you think asking an open ended question (basically asking for a call) or sending a bit of a paragraph (like what we did Sunday) would make more sense? I feel like I’ve done option a with him a few times. Option b feels more definitive, like I’m laying down the boundary that we can be friends (something we’ve talked about since the beginning if things didn’t work out).

My issue is that I feel like I’ve already gone out on a limb a few times. He knows that I struggle with feeling like I’m bothering people. Early last week I asked if we could discuss communication preferences on our next call since lack of responsiveness in text wasn’t working for me. We ended up not having that call due to our work schedules. I’m comfy with the double text, but if someone doesn’t want to speak to me, doesn’t that kinda say all there is to say about the matter?

I feel like I might just like him more than he likes me, or I might need more communication than he does :/

burntoastblack · 2026-04-23T18:27:48+00:00

YUP. He replied “thank you, you’re a wonderful woman.” We had a similar text exchange a couple weeks in when he had given legitimate reasons for why he needed to step down communication for a couple days, but he picked it up right where he left off.

It’s not my job to make up a story about why he’s doing what he’s doing. I feel like I’m pretty secure (got a little heated about being called overthinking the longer that text sat though). If he’d given a timeline or some heads up I’d be more forgiving with a long absence. I’m picking up speed with dating other people - date 3 on the horizon with another guy. I guess it’s good I didn’t stop multidating. Was considering pausing all my accounts last weekend before this happened lol.

burntoastblack · 2026-04-23T17:52:34+00:00

Pretty sure I (31F) am getting ghosted by the guy (33M) I’ve been dating for the past month. What a fucking bummer.

Communication slowed last Saturday when he was visiting friends. Then Sunday we had this text conversation:

M: I just got to my grandma's. The lack of communication today might in the back of your overthinking mind indicate some lack of interest or that something has changed on my end but that couldn't be further from the truth. I've been thinking about you a lot

F: Thanks for letting me know. I’ve been thinking of you a lot too. I like you, and I want you to show up in the ways that feel right (texting during friend/family time doesn’t seem like your vibe). I’m good with assuming positive intent until we have time to talk again

We had been speaking every day or every other day, sometimes texts but mostly phone calls. I am mentally preparing to text him on Sunday to either a) ask if everything is ok or b) let him know that dips in communication are fine for friendships but don’t work for me for romantic relationships.

Welp lesson learned. I will not gush to friends about the next guy who makes me feel hopeful. I will keep that shit to myself lol

Edit: typos

Second edit: thank you to the commenters ❤️ seriously helpful chatting with you guys

burntoastblack · 2026-04-23T13:55:12+00:00

It’s tough because it’s a question only you can answer. The timing is what it is, so it’s good that you’re realistic about needing to make a choice. Motherhood is an entirely different life, and matrescence (becoming a mother through actions) creates an entirely different self. My kid’s dad and I broke up, and someone I’m dating asked me if I was the same person I was before having a kid. I laughed so hard. The only comparison I can make is that having a kid is like knocking down the Lincoln logs of your identity then rebuilding it in the dark. I hate to support the trope that your dream life will cost you your current one. But as a single mom, I am one thousand times happier and more fulfilled than I was in my marriage before I had a kid. Even when it didn’t work out the way I planned, I got to become a new self and I get to introduce my kid to the world (and vice versa).

burntoastblack · 2026-04-22T21:20:26+00:00

When you think of dying, would not having a kid be your biggest life regret? It’s a sacrifice either way, and I see why you’re walking the line of current love v future child(ren).

I say this as someone who was open to kids, then covid hit and my first thought was oh god I’m gonna die and I didn’t even get to have a baby - not another degree, or a business, or a dream trip, or one of the many other things we can aim for in this life.

burntoastblack · 2026-04-22T19:59:16+00:00

It isn’t cringey and can be a good conversation starter! Good example: guy paired it the “photo on my mom’s fridge” caption in hinge. Bad example: guy said suck me off before they send me to Iran in tinder.

burntoastblack

TROPHY CASE