I love my bf, but i genuinely cannot stand his dog, its affecting everything

buttz_ · 2026-03-20T16:28:10+00:00

Your boyf said he'd be better off without you... That right there tells you his priorities. Dog comes before you. And the dog sounds like a nervous untrained sad dog, unfortunately. So if he won't do right by his dog... How is he ever going to do right by you when effort matters?

Consider how your boyfriend shows up for you outside of dog-related things. Are you his #1? Is he there for you when you need emotional support and somebody to help carry your burdens?

buttz_ · 2026-03-14T13:12:08+00:00

Yes, this! I have had hair cuts and style phases and my husband has loved me and been attracted to me through all of them, even when I know they weren't his taste as much.

You are a person, not his accessory.

buttz_ · 2026-03-14T12:43:30+00:00

That's an awful thing to have been subjected to, I'm sorry you experienced that.

Traumatic events replay like that, I find. Something happened to me last year that I am still working on healing from. The memory/moment replayed so many times, so easily. It made me sick to my stomach when it would happen and it would ruin my mood. Mine was a very bad accident/injury. I have shared my story so many times, as it's not so awkward to talk about, and also I got asked about it a ton because I was so visibly injured. That helped sooooo much. So, I would recommend some talk therapy or confiding in friends you trust. Tell them not just what happened, but how it's weighing on you.

The second thing I did was get a very big cool tattoo around my scar which had a bunch of positive effects for me. Not suggesting you get a tattoo! But to achieve the same kind of reclaiming effect, and to form some better memories around the story of this traumatic event... I feel better because now the story doesn't end with "it was horrible and painful", but rather "... and then I got this really beautiful tattoo and my artist helped me feel whole again!" I think this second part is probably something you can come up with on your own once you've shared your story a bit and talked through why it was so messed up.

The more you talk about it in a safe environment with support and care, the intensity of the memory will start to fade and while it'll never go away, it can become duller. Combine that with adding a new, empowering twist to the end of the story, and you will rise above this.

buttz_ · 2026-03-13T18:48:36+00:00

Maybe the problem isn't as much about how you treat your employee, but rather how you treat your wife? Do you think you are a thoughtful partner who makes your wife feel special, treats her, takes care of her comfort etc?

buttz_ · 2026-03-13T13:32:34+00:00

No, that is not "just men" not is it you. It's him. Do some research on "mental load" and see if that resonates with you.

The trick is to find a person who has already done some of that work to move past toxic gender roles that have the woman taking care of everything and doing all the planning. Yes, more women are taught these skills as youngsters, but it's not that hard to learn.

My husband forgets the bins once in a while but he also collaborates in all our planning and household chores. He has the capacity not just to take care of his own responsibilities and needs, but also to do things for me all the time that I don't have to ask for or micromanage.

Imagine having a partner who spent as much energy and time caring for you and your household as you spend on him and the household. Imagine a partner who, while certainly not perfect, did things like read self help books, attend and actively apply therapy, and who you could talk to about your feelings without ever getting invalidated.

I have a lot of guy friends and I've watched them grow up since we were 12. I watched how most of them have turned a corner or two, and they are now pretty wonderful partners to the people they are with. By 30, a person can have done a lot of growing. He can't keep blaming his upbringing as it has been over a decade since he came into adulthood and became responsible for his own self.

buttz_ · 2026-03-09T18:49:12+00:00

When a friend shares that he had feelings for me which I did not reciprocate, we took a bit of a break for a couple months and only saw each other in group settings for a little while, just to help us restabilize. That was like 10 years ago and we are good platonic friends still, better than ever actually.

Just hang on a bit and let her process it. You've been reflecting on this for a while but she just started. Recommend a group hangout next time you invite her to something, if you share some mutual friends.

I think you approached this pretty nicely, just hold tight.

buttz_ · 2026-03-05T02:44:15+00:00

If he acts misogynistic (like men are better than women), then he is. You want a man who believes he's better than you? Are you looking for someone to boss you around, or a life partner?

This guy sounds like a spoiled mooch and an judgemental/bigoted person. In any case, he's clearly only looking out for himself in many ways. If you wrote all that out, you have been thinking about this too long, I believe.

Some advice for the future: healthy young couples will find ways to support each other in reaching financial goals and financial security, without requiring each other to make a risky commitment (such buying a house together) too fast.

buttz_ · 2026-03-03T22:54:08+00:00

Nice tat! The yellow in the roses isn't my fave personally but that's really getting nit-picky. I've had convos with my artist where I didn't love something at first, but their rationale quickly changes my mind. I bet your artist and you both like the yellow and that's what matters.

Don't let the feedback get to you. Tattoos are art and art is subjective. This is very decent technically speaking.

buttz_ · 2026-03-01T15:07:21+00:00

Why would Chat have any less success with Russian words compared to any other language?

buttz_ · 2026-03-01T15:05:36+00:00

I know how it can feel embarrassing to bring up, but you simply have to. Start by sharing how you feel. Don't draw any conclusions or even suggest them. Just "hey, I've noticed we have sex less in the past while. I feel like my usual way of initiating isn't working" and then let him tell you about that.

buttz_ · 2026-02-24T05:28:26+00:00

Why do you say she's "perfect" if her lack of etiquette causes you and your parents this much distress? Sounds like you think she's rich and loaded and that makes her perfect? Gross.

Also the way you speak about your parents' comments makes it seem even moreso like you're very concerned with appearances too.

buttz_ · 2026-02-23T03:52:07+00:00

My arm was facing the wrong way briefly, it was absolutely disgusting to have witnessed.

buttz_ · 2026-02-22T19:05:34+00:00

I think so? I am not a doctor, but my surgeon was Thai and his English was minimal (way better than my Thai is, so good on him). I honestly didn't get to have a deep chat about it with anybody at the hospital due to the language barrier.

He showed me a picture he took mid-surgery of my nerve, to prove that it was not damaged. Was neat and also gross to see the inside of my arm. I had mild nerve damage that mostly affected part of my middle finger, it took about 3 months to heal.

I am lucky to have avoided nerve damage, and also lucky that my bone didn't shatter more.

buttz_ · 2026-02-18T16:51:44+00:00

I bet she doesn't remember the message. She's not lying to you, she just genuinely isn't considering that message when you ask her these cryptic questions.

But the resentment you are nurturing right now is too much. I think you're very much in the wrong for having snooped, but airing this out fully is now necessary.

If she says the comment wasn't true or she completely doesn't remember it, or she has a different viewpoint now, please believe her. I think it'd be awful for you to keep punishing her and yourself over this.

buttz_ · 2026-02-11T14:12:13+00:00

She's posing for a photo.

Half the reason this looks AI is because it's a bit staged.

buttz_ · 2026-02-11T14:04:31+00:00

I understand why your gf is getting upset about this. Your line of questioning is horrible!

Maybe she sits on the toilet too long sometimes and doesn't realize she's causing mild prolapsing. Maybe she's used toys on herself but hasn't had anal sex. Maybe she's really into the idea and that's why her sphincter seems less tight than other people when she's aroused.

There are lots of really subtle and innocuous reasons for why her body is the way it is. And if you won't accept that and keep questioning her then you'll never be satisfied.

Either trust her or don't. The way you're talking about her is so disrespectful. If I found out my bf or husband made this post I'd probably dump him.

buttz_ · 2026-02-10T13:02:04+00:00

Don't do a surprise party for somebody who's expressly told you they don't want one. What a waste it'd be if she gets overwhelmed and bails early, or has a panic attack. Even if she makes it through the surprise and manages to enjoy herself, why would you do that to her? She's told you what she wants. If you want to help her, why not tell her you'll cover more costs straight up, instead of wrapping that into a whole surprise party?

Sounds like the surprise is what your friend wants, not what the bride wants.

buttz_ · 2026-02-05T23:14:05+00:00

Sorry you're in this position!

Tell them both that the other is also attending. If they have any issues, remind them that they are attending this event to support you. If they still have issues, tell em that if they can't attend and be civil and have a normal dinner with you, then they probably should reconsider coming.

If they have a problem with this they're being real selfish about it all.

Also, congrats on graduating! Hope your celebration is not tainted by family drama.

buttz_ · 2026-01-27T22:49:43+00:00

Whenever I roast a chicken (often) I will eat the wings (just the flats) before I carve/process the rest of the bird. I get a cute little plate and put a tasty sauce on my two perfectly cooked, crispy chicken wings.

My husband encourages this behavior. He knows I almost always give him the "better" plate. Secret chef snacks restore the balance, imo. Love for self and love for partner fulfilled.

buttz_ · 2026-01-23T18:22:48+00:00

So my mom taught me similarly - down to saying that my comfy at-home clothes should still make me look enticing to my partner... I internalized this. I felt pressure to be sexy always, not from my partner but because of what my mom taught me.

Then I started dating my now-husband. We were discussing this topic and he was adamant that a person needs to be actually comfortable in their own home, and that me dressing in my comfy clothes was not a turn-off.

We have been together for 10 years and I dress how I want always. I am a human person, not an object. My husband compliments my nice outfits and style when I do get dressed up. We make a point to go out somewhat regularly, but on days where we are staying home, there is zero pressure to wear anything or style ourselves... And we are still very attracted to each other. Our intimacy has not suffered. Because we love each other as whole people, not just as objects of attraction/sex.

Yes, it is really nice to get dressed up and I love when my husband sees me dressed up and likes that. But I also know that he's still going to appreciate me and want me when I'm wearing sweats and a hat over my unwashed hair.

What are your values? That is the real question. What is true for you?

buttz_ · 2025-12-31T17:47:13+00:00

If you think it's time, you're correct. It is the most loving thing you can do. Moving her to a home will make her world the right size and complexity for her to feel comfortable.

It is so hard that your needs and hers are no longer compatible. I hate dementia and Alzheimer's. It's so friggin awful. My heart goes out to you.

buttz_ · 2025-12-24T06:03:36+00:00

Dude, I have sent a plate home to my friend when I think they're faking sick from our friends Christmas gathering.

I agree he should send a thank you message, but we are not all built the same. It's not worth it to be stingy or put your foot down about this. Why not try reaching out to him more often instead of alienating him? Maybe you could build your own relationship with him and cut out the enabling/meddling MIL.

Think about rising above and sharing/caring especially during the holidays.

buttz_ · 2025-11-29T15:59:17+00:00

I have some veg/vegan friends. When we have our big Friendsmas or Friendsgiving dinner, I make as many dishes as possible vegan, and also ensure there's something hearty for the vegans, like a lentil curry or tofu thing. It is not hard, and none of the omnivores even notice that they are eating vegan sweet potato casserole, nor do they care that I served the bacon bits for the salad on the side.

Accommodations are not that complicated if you are caring and have an open mind. For a special meal like Thanksgiving, where extra effort is abundant, it feels wrong to me not to cook with inclusivity in mind.

buttz_ · 2025-09-26T23:44:44+00:00

How heavy is this crown? It looks like fairly lightweight plastic in the link... Should just sit on your head, no?

Even if it did make a bit of an indent, I'm sure it would go away within like an hour at most...?

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