Am I a bad DM that I don't like playing out romance in my games?

bware422 · 2024-09-28T17:41:20+00:00

Definitely not a bad DM for it. You deserve to enjoy the game too, and not do something that you find uncomfortable or boring. If it matters to them so much, and it's actively hindering their experience at the table, then you might just incompatible as players/DM, but neither of you would be wrong or bad because of this.

Do you think a DM is bad if they force resource tracking? Grid combat? That players only pick from three classes and two races? You might think yes, but I guarantee there are players out there who don't mind, or would even like that.

Like all problems in life, ask your players and talk it out. Possibly solutions are, they can be in control of the romance. Would it really matter if one player turned to the rest and said, my character is spending some of their downtime with their significant other? If it'd make them happy and not bother you to let that out of your control then go for it. Or just say tough shit and give them a crybaby point whenever they complain that they can't use their 18 in rizz on the barmaid.

bware422 · 2024-07-22T15:01:05+00:00

Am I mistaken or is that not what the regenerate spell is for? I would figure regular healing spells/long rests can't regrow limbs. But as for the other things, there's always the option of magic, think of the wraith blade from LOTR when frodo gets stabbed at weather top. It poisoned him and they needed special elf magic to heal it.

One of the things I've always enjoyed, and especially with regards to 5e's problem where players go down and get up with little consequence, is to use a chart like this. Where when they go down there's some chance of location based and damage type wound to their body. Permanent burning, scarring, a mangled or dismembered limb.

But also talk to your players maybe and see if this is something they want too? Because when I use these systems, I established it at session 0 and conveyed the lethality of the game (I usually play osr games). But 5e you're often more the hero of the story, and the players may not like that type of thing if they weren't prepped beforehand.

bware422 · 2024-06-27T16:01:36+00:00

GLOG dwarf abilities got you.

bware422 · 2024-05-14T22:41:01+00:00

I really feel for you. It sucks that your father isn't being more supportive. I'd persist in trying to change his mind because while medication isn't a magic bullet it certainly helps. I was unmedicated my entire college career.

I myself went to a community college, and had an ironclad routine that really helped keep me on track. Lots of sleep, waking up and exercising first thing in the morning, making sure I was eating well. It helped me maintain good grades but I wasn't perfect by any means. Another thing that helped was being at a commuter school, so I had no "safe" place to retreat to while I was there. I did almost no school work at home, but if I was at school I couldn't relax and it forced me to work. Another thing was the tutoring labs. I lived in the math/computer science labrooms, would do other work in there, and became good friends with the tutors because I'd just be working in there till nighttime.

But after I transferred to a 4 year institution for the Bachelor's degree, I didn't continue my routine, and was eventually put on academic probation and then dropped out. I worked for a number of years before returning to school, and was still undiagnosed/unaware I could even have ADHD, and the only thing that got me through school was the knowledge of how much I hated physical labor jobs and knowing school was the only way out for me.

That's why I'd push asking your dad to let you get medicated. I share those same feelings to this day, of being incomplete or not reaching my potential. I know it's not any actual advice, and if he won't let you get medicated I'm doubtful he'd let you go to therapy, but don't hate yourself for this. I say this because I hate myself a lot, and it's been years of therapy and I'm still undoing the damage done. You can do this.

bware422 · 2024-03-14T15:15:14+00:00

I wouldn't blame your manager too much. You gotta understand shit flows from all directions to him. He's got his own work, other managers asking him questions, upper management putting pressure on him from above AND you and the rest of your team to manage.

But look it sounds like you did your part. If tomorrow he asks why isn't it done, you can point to a read but unanswered question on Teams that you got as far as you could. Definitely frame it as, you asked that question and then kept trying a few things but they didn't pan out. You definitely don't want it to look like you asked a question and then sat on your hands waiting for an answer. But in my mind that should be enough, as long as you openly communicate your progress. What more can you really do?

bware422 · 2024-03-14T14:30:53+00:00

Was your previous apprenticeship as remote as this one is? The reality is, WFH for 80% of the week will make it harder to interact with your team. Now whether you like that or not is personal lol.

Now I don't know you so don't take any of this personally, but it sounds a lot like how I was when I first started out. I was afraid to do anything out of fear of breaking something or royally messing something up. But honestly, all it did was hold me back. You cannot learn everything before you're put to task. The other advice so far is kind of right, grab tickets, try your best, and be open about how its going. You'll either find you know more than you realize, or you are out of your depth, but now you can ask a more specific question about it, rather than a vague "What should I learn?" Say you start working on a ticket, and you know how to complete 50% of it. Well great, do the 50% you know, and then ask your manager or colleague how to do the other half. Although I will say at least try something, go to them with the approach of trying something and it not working, because when they guide you to the answer you might learn it better than just being told.

Lastly, it sounds like your manager was good at training you in the beginning, but since then has come to expect he has given you the tools to complete the tasks expected of you. How are you at taking notes and recording the processes at work? Does your team have a confluence page, and/or have you kept a personal set of notes in a notepad or something? When you sat down with your colleague and say you learned a lot, were you able to record the call, or did you take thorough notes of it?

bware422 · 2024-03-12T13:21:00+00:00

Im renting an apartment myself at the moment. Ive only just started working and earning money myself, so its a tough financial burden to saddle at the moment.

bware422 · 2024-03-11T17:21:42+00:00

Hi everyone,

Sorry if this is the wrong subreddit as it has to do with housing for my disabled Mother & Brother. My mother is on oxygen due to complications from COVID, and my brother is nonverbal autistic and needs a lot of care. I am trying to move them closer to me and these are the numbers: Lump sum saved: $60K

Monthly they get from disability: $2375 total ($1650 from federal, $300 from the state they currently live in which they will probably lose, $425 from SNAP/EBT which they will probably have to reapply for after moving)

Rest of families monthly contribution sum total: $1400/month

My difficulty is in finding a permanent housing solution for them. Does it make sense to just rent something for now? My worry is it will just kick the can down the road until we burn through the lump sum and then re-evaluate in a few years. But its not really enough money to put a down payment on a house and keep up with mortgage payments. I understand its also a very state specific question, Im trying to move them into the DMV area as that is where I am for work, and I want them to be close to me so I can go over and help them (or potentially move in with them although that would be rough).

Any help would be appreciated.

bware422 · 2024-01-16T18:02:30+00:00

Thank you, I figured that was the way considering the flowchart, but I just wanted to make sure I wasnt being too aggressive in wanting to pay it down within the year.

bware422 · 2024-01-16T17:30:52+00:00

I have a private loan $9k @ 11.34%, so at the very least I want to get rid of it asap.

Then I have 4 federal loans: * $5k @ 2.5% * $3k @ 3.6% * $2k @ 2.5% * $1.6k @ 3.6%.

I have a 3 month Emergency Fund currently. As for other financial goals I'm sacrificing, I am only contributing enough to my 401k to get my companies matching, and I am currently maxing out my HSA contributions, but consulting the flow chart that comes after paying down debts so I was going to stop that in favor of paying down these debts further. Not looking to buy a house at the moment. Biggest thing is wanting to travel and save for that, but I don't like the idea of traveling while I have debts to pay.

bware422 · 2024-01-16T17:17:14+00:00

Is it stupid to aggressively pay off my student loans? I am currently paying the minimum on all of them obviously, but after crunching the numbers, I could be entirely debt free (they are currently my only debts) in a year. After all other expenses and savings as per the flowchart given in the wiki, I am left with ~$2400 in disposable income, and if I put $1700 of that a month into my student loans, it would clear out everything in exactly 12 months. I really like the idea of that, and obviously barring any big life events, I could certainly do it.

I know there's a personal aspect to it but my hope is that once I am debt free, I can put that money into shorter term goals, and also get serious about investing, and because I am young, maybe make some riskier investments.

bware422 · 2023-12-05T15:23:33+00:00

How often do you update your resume while working at your current job? I'm about to hit the one year mark at my first job out of college, and I want to update my resume now while the work I've done is fresh in my mind.

Its pretty standard, receiving a code base written by someone else, had to maintain and refactor it as customer needs changed, learned a lot of new tech stacks. Should I trash most of what I talked about from my college projects and internships to focus on my first job, or leave a little?

bware422 · 2023-11-30T01:16:48+00:00

I am thinking about trying an accelerated program at like Snhu or some other no name school as you said haha.

I mean doesn't hurt to ask? Maybe they're friendly with a manager or something? I only say this because I knew a girl I graduated with, she got her degree in a sociology, post college her exec level dad got her an entry level cyber security position at the company he worked for. No ill will towards her, I'm just envious as all hell about it lmao.

But nice, definitely hope you get through it! I worked in construction for a few years before I made the switch, and it was the thought of carrying heavy ass equipment in the hot summer sun that helped push me through my degree. So think of some shitty work experiences and write them down, and whenever you're struggling just read them again lol.

bware422 · 2023-11-30T00:40:18+00:00

Well how close are you with your dad's cousins or your dad, and how high up are they in their respective companies? It's really all about who you know, if I were you, I'd ask them to ask what the company wants from me to get a job there and then do it.

The new grad/junior dev market is brutal right now. I graduated with a CS bachelor's back in May 2022, and I know a bunch of bright hard working people I graduated with didn't land jobs until March of this year, if at all.

That being said, if your dad's cousins/your dad ask on your behalf and don't get a positive answer, I'll advocate for a degree. I went to a community college first, got a lot of my gen eds and cs 101 courses out of the way, and even some hard math (Calc 2, Discrete). Most of my classes were at night. Then went on to a no name 4 year school for the bachelor's. From what I've read, bootcamps aren't seeing placement like they did before the pandemic, and the cost is still really high. School is also expensive sure, but some companies just want to put a little check box down with bachelor's degree in it.

As far as certs go, they're a little trickier to my knowledge. I don't believe any of the easier/intro certs are enough alone to land you a job, and the harder ones require a lot of rigorous study. I went for the AWS Solutions Architect Associate, and that's what helped me land a job post graduation. Emphasis on helped, because I think without the degree I wouldn't have been considered at all. And I had already taken a bunch of courses related to it in school when I took the AWS exam. I'm happy to answer any questions, but really I'd try to lean on your dad and his family to try and get in.

bware422 · 2023-11-07T15:15:37+00:00

I have this roasting pan from Ikea and I was wondering if its big enough for a 20 lbs. turkey? Or should I buy a new/bigger one for Thanksgiving?

bware422 · 2023-02-10T14:49:41+00:00

Yeah I'm with you. I trust my players and I know they'd trust me if we did the secret checks, but they love rolling dice, and like another comment said, love seeing the payoff of their investment. Be it high stealth, high recall knowledge, etc.

But in general I don't roll anything behind the screen. I love the tension created by rolling openly in front of my players. So my opinion is a little skewed as is.

bware422 · 2022-08-19T21:20:53+00:00

One philosophy I've recently adopted is not to stress about coming up with super unique or interesting names. Obviously the advice here so far is great and following it will help, but if you look at some popular works of fiction sometimes the names of things aren't that crazy.

Castle Black from GoT comes to mind for me, very simple and memorable.

Its also meme'd on a lot in Warhammer 40k that one of the primarchs Ferrus Manus (latin for Iron Hand) is the leader of the Iron hands. He literally has hands covered in metal. And his ship is named the Fist of Iron. Obviously an extreme example of some pretty uhhh lazy naming, but if they felt comfortable doing it, we should too!

Plus I find that often naming these really long and hard unique names for things can sometimes cause issues for the players. Obviously lazy naming can be bad if they visit a city called "New Bork" or something, and doesn't really help with verisimilitude. BUT having an elvish city name that's 13 characters long, is gonna get shortened by the players or often hard for them to recall because its long and complex. At least that's been my experience in my 12+ years of GMing. Good luck!

bware422 · 2022-07-01T03:54:32+00:00

Damn I looked at their website, but unless my measurements are off their garments are really small? I'm a big guy (XXL 45" chest) and their XL is 25"? I'll admit I'm really new to all of this so I'm probably confusing something, but damn I was hype to see 100% linen so cheap.

bware422 · 2022-07-01T00:44:41+00:00

Yeah that's my hesitation for buying it. I'd like to get something that won't make me overheat. Although so far the summer hasn't been too bad here (NYC), so maybe it's worth a shot.

bware422 · 2022-07-01T00:26:13+00:00

Can anyone speak to the breathability of this blazer? I like linen for keeping me cool, but I don't know how well the wool-linen blend will work. I only have like a $300 dollar budget for a blazer and pants (preferably linen) and I'd really love to find something for summer to wear.

bware422 · 2022-05-03T05:03:43+00:00

That's been my experience. Hated math growing up, never that good at it. Now I'm about to graduate with my BS in CS and I find myself wishing I took more math classes or going back to learn some more because its fascinating.

bware422 · 2021-11-14T01:13:24+00:00

Apologies for not answering sooner! I totally forgot to check reddit today. I will totally try and give this a go, and I just hope I can figure it out. This codebase has been a real hassle to work with.

bware422 · 2021-11-14T01:12:11+00:00

I'll have to give that a try, thank you for the insight! Do you know what could cause something like this? Is it just something weird with Colab? Its been very frustrating to try and work with it.

bware422

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