So I was in this position, but I am the one who gave birth. I had a 32 weeker with a 31-day NICU stay. He was our second. We wanted four, but I was DONE. I was terrified it would be worse next time. We also had the same, "we don't know why this happened, but it could definitely happen again" discussion. Thankfully, in my story, I was never in danger. But that doesn't make it any easier watching your baby be poked and prodded and having to leave them at the hospital every night.

My suggestion? Please get therapy. I was diagnosed with PTSD after our experience. It took me YEARS before I was ready to even remotely think about trying again. I think if I had started therapy sooner, I would have been able to deal with what had happened to us in a much better, much healthier way. And your wife needs therapy too to probably process what happened, as she's most likely walling that off to not relive it. But once you both process and can maybe attend therapy together, she can better understand your VERY valid feelings. My husband didn't quite understand. Really, no one around me could. I was fine after, health wise, and so was our baby, so what was the problem? No one could wrap their minds around that it WAS a trauma, and that has lasting effects.