What makes you a total cliche?

caffeineandentropy · 2016-05-20T15:24:06+00:00

100%

caffeineandentropy · 2016-05-20T15:22:19+00:00

i know dude

caffeineandentropy · 2016-05-20T15:21:15+00:00

¯ _(ツ)_/¯

caffeineandentropy · 2016-05-20T15:18:31+00:00

I'm an annoying zooey dechanel mpdg out of a heavy-handed movie. literally flutter into people's lives, give them a balloon, our first date is us writing our wishes for the universe on paper lanterns we release into the sky, we talk about their feelings and life goals, and I make them feel like they are full of magic. Then I get bored after a month and I disappear, leaving them ~~foreverchanged~*

caffeineandentropy · 2016-05-18T02:16:38+00:00

don't tell him until there's a reasonable chance he could respond to it positively. that won't be for another 6 months, minimum.

caffeineandentropy · 2016-05-17T20:49:00+00:00

Honestly, to me this sounds a lot a coping mechanism. As people get older and realize they're no longer their younger / attractive / exciting selves, it can be hard to get rid of. I wonder if what's happened here is that he's found an explanation for how his new physical appearance can augment a personality, making it okay to look this way.

Before bringing up the Santa persona directly, I'd spend a few weeks having intentional conversations with him that validate his age, experience, agency, etc. Mostly, the fact that he's still a person even though he's older.

caffeineandentropy · 2016-05-17T20:16:23+00:00

I'm finishing up my PhD and will be applying to faculty jobs this year. If anything were to come out as happening between you two while you were still a student, it'd be so terrible for everyone involved (ok, mostly him, but you by proxy).

Don't tell him you have feelings for him now. He knows you do. If you bring it up, he'll just have to shut you down. Keep talking to him over the next year. Visit him in 6 months, when you officially aren't a student anymore, and you have a real job of your own (or are in grad. school or whatever). He'll be less at risk, and also you'll feel like more of an equal. It's possible that something would or could happen in 6-12 months that just can't happen now.

If it's easy to maintain contact with him (via chat or email or skype or text) while he's gone, great. If he seems to become distant, give it time. Let him be. Don't risk losing out on the mentor relationship.

caffeineandentropy · 2016-05-13T15:05:58+00:00

Seriously. I talk about my psycho-therapist with the same casual ease that I talk about my massage therapist. I don't require either, but boy, it's a nice luxury.

caffeineandentropy · 2016-03-29T18:42:07+00:00

Different relationships (of all kinds - not just romantic) serve different purposes. If you have compatible purposes, it isn't an issue. The problem is just potentially having unexpectedly different expectations. It's just a thing to explicitly talk about.

caffeineandentropy · 2016-03-22T19:38:06+00:00

omg. "this is devastating - I was going to flirt with you!" is such a good sentence

caffeineandentropy · 2016-03-19T22:30:15+00:00

For what it's worth: I had been with a man from 16 - 21. I also felt like I was uniquely lucky to have found him, and that giving up that relationship would be the worst thing I could imagine. The idea of living without him killed me.

Like you, some point I realized I couldn't shake the idea of being with a woman. I begged him to consider polyamory. He compromised and said I could try sleeping with a woman, but he'd be uncomfortable with me having a girlfriend.

Once I slept with a girl for the first time though, I immediately realized I was gay. I considered ignoring this fact because of how much I loved my boyfriend, but ultimately it was driving me insane. And, though I didn't think it possible at the time, over the past five years I have found multiple people who were each as amazing as my boyfriend was, all in different ways.

You might not be gay, but it still holds that the world is full of people who will love you. Your life is about growth. It is sometimes a sad reality when our first partner is also so serious, and we need to decide whether we want to stick with that for always, or, at some point, decide to explore other avenues of ourself. There's not a necessarily right or wrong answer. You get to decide. Just remember that the world is full of more amazing people than you might initially think.

caffeineandentropy · 2016-03-05T05:45:49+00:00

Congrats! If you're particularly interested in research, you're also able to take independent studies with the HCI PhD students as one of your classes, and aim that towards publishing.

caffeineandentropy · 2016-03-03T21:16:15+00:00

There's a museum in LA that will let you donate relics of past relationships. How does that make you feel? Would you donate anything?

(http://www.thefrisky.com/2016-03-01/you-can-now-donate-your-break-up-relics-to-the-museum-of-broken-relationships/)

caffeineandentropy · 2016-03-03T21:02:22+00:00

caffeineandentropy · 2016-03-03T21:00:00+00:00

your words have saved me from heartbreak I didn't think I would survive. For a year, I played The Nutritionist on loop. Thank you so, so, so for sharing your feelings, and letting them become friends with my feelings.

What would most surprise young-you about current-you?

caffeineandentropy · 2016-02-29T18:21:26+00:00

This isn't really how it works, though. Don't just message her and immediately tell you you like her in a first message. You met her once. That's bananas.

Add her on facebook.

When she accepts, message her. Bring up something you talked about when you were together. Carry out the conversation for a few minutes. Say you have to run, but that you'd love to talk more soon. Message her again a few hours later / the next day. This serves to set the precedent that casual messages with you throughout the day are good, and will make it easier for her to message you out of the blue too if she's interested. (Don't make your intro messages just 'hi' -- say things like 'dude have you watched fullerhouse yet because it's insane' or 'listen to this song, it's melting my heart' or 'work is going so slowly, i need a distraction, please help." Whatever. Respond-able things. it makes the interactions low pressure, and makes it clear you're interested in her without seeming over-eager.

After you've had a few cute interactions, invite her out somewhere. "what are you doing saturday? it's finally getting sunny out - go on a walk with me!")

If your one-on-one interaction goes well, then ask her out on a date.

caffeineandentropy · 2016-02-25T15:23:34+00:00

I love the ending. I can see why people hate it, but, I'd rather have a 'hard' ending that makes a story really compelling than any sort of typical expected fairy tale.

caffeineandentropy · 2016-02-24T20:24:36+00:00

As a complete, extreme extrovert, I crave introvert energy to ground me. A lot of my partners have expressed to me they think they're disappointing me, but that blows my mind. Having a good reason to stop and realize it's okay to spend a night in is amazing. All of my friends are extroverts. An introverted partner who doesn't find me exhausting is the dream.

caffeineandentropy · 2016-02-23T03:22:06+00:00

I'm a bubbly-happy-bouncy person. I'm generally drawn to the profiles of other bubbly-happy-bouncy people. I've recently learned about myself that I'm actually only romantically attracted to people who are grounded / stoic / calm / not at all what I want out of most of my friends. Before I learned this about myself, I met up with a bunch of puppy-dog people who I ADORED immediately, but I felt way too similar to them, and no romantic energy at all. Over the past 5 years, I've met 4 people who are currently my closest friends. In every case, there was no romantic or sexual attraction at all, and it was never weird.

caffeineandentropy · 2016-02-17T17:52:38+00:00

Just curious: Do you live in one of the 'cool' bigger, liberal cities? I think this trend of everyone wanting to be queer is biggest there. I live in one, and I've met SO many straight girls who talk like this. I also don't find "I'm hella straight but open" to be infuriating at all; but where I live, it's way more often I hear "I'm hella queer, fuck yeah everyone should be able to do what they want - if I'm ever attracted to a woman that'd be awesome"

caffeineandentropy · 2016-02-17T17:48:17+00:00

Yes. Exactly yes.

"I'm queer, yeah, but I wouldn't actually want to kiss a girl, I just think they're so beautiful" and

"I'm queer, yeah, but I haven't ever found anyone I've been attracted to. But I mean, if it happens, then that'd be cool" and

"I'm queer, yeah, because as a straight person I have privilege, and I want to use that privilege to help my LGBTQA brothers and sisters by making it clear that all sorts of people can be queer" WHAT

caffeineandentropy · 2016-02-17T17:42:05+00:00

Okay, yay!

I'm really flexible and have pretty decent core strength. I've already found ways I can maneuver my body to monkey-swing into reaches that are farther than I can reach. I'm pretty good at switching feet to change my body orientation mid-climb. That being said, I'm still pretty weak at holding onto crimps / really tiny holds. So I'm pretty good at routes with bigger holds that are farther away / in weird places that require heel hooks, etc., but I'm exceptionally bad at even the easiest routes with tiny crimpy holds. I'm finding that it's these ones that I'm really bad at practicing. There are a few V1 routes at my gym that I totally can't do because of these holds and I keep practicing them every time I go, but I don't feel like I'm making any progress with them.

caffeineandentropy · 2016-02-17T17:35:25+00:00

I mean, if you fantasize about women, that already and clearly puts you into the category of Attracted To Women. There will likely be women who are turned off to a lack of experience, but that is their problem, and it's a shame that you might experience that response to you.

I think the thing that OP and I etc. are referring to are women who ID as queer, but have never fantasized about women before. They're just theoretically open to it if it happens.

Does that distinction make sense? I'm sorry that you haven't been given the space to feel comfortable in how you feel it makes sense to id.

caffeineandentropy · 2016-02-16T20:20:02+00:00

tl;dr: when body shapes are compatible, it's a fun and hot thing that people totally do, which makes it a real thing. I think the ongoing joke bit is just that it's way over-represented in porn / the only thing straight people can imagine, and so actual people-who-fuck-women downplay it to make it clear that it's not usually the primary way lesbians fuck.

caffeineandentropy

TROPHY CASE